The Glamorization of Teen Motherhood

Often times potential adoptive parents assume that their birth mother will be a teen mom. They are surprised to learn that our average birth mom is 29 and already has two children. The teen pregnancy rate has risen since 2006 in the U.S. (in comparison to Canada, where teen pregnancy has dropped 38% since 1994). Shows on television and movies tend to glamorize teen pregnancy and in recent years there has been very little, if any, social pressure on teens to avoid pregnancy. The pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears of "Zoey 101" and the movie "Juno", as well as other popular celebrities have desensitized us to the down side of having a baby while still so young. Our new social norm is acceptance of teen pregnancy. In 2006, 441,832 babies were born to teen moms in the U.S. That is a staggering number. The fact is, most teen moms don't place their babies for adoption, they parent. MTV has chronicled teen pregnancy in a number of shows, including "16 and Pregnant". Their most recent reality show which showcases teens who are parents is entitled "Teen Mom". Some of the teens featured have expressed a desire to show other teens how difficult parenting is as a single teen. Typically, even those who have partners end up parenting alone after the stressors and demands of parenting cause the partners to fight and part ways. Statistics show that most teen relationships don't last, despite the intense feelings and passion.

While the teen pregnancy rate has gone up, so has the incidence of abortions. The adoption rate has gone down during the same period of time. Rather than interrupting their own teen years and their education with the responsibilities of parenthood and adult decisions, we should be promoting education to prevent pregnancy and, if it happens, adoption as an acceptable means to take responsibility for what has occurred. I would love to see adoption profiled on television, and normalized to the extent that teen pregnancy has been. While it's not good for any teen to have to experience childbirth and everything that goes with it, adoption can be a win-win-win situation, with the birth parents moving forward to their own goals, childless or infertile couples being given the opportunity to have a family, and most of all, the baby landing safely in a stable, secure place where all of their needs are met, without resentment and disrupted schedules, and with the love and devotion of, ideally, two parents who are ready to meet the day to day demands of a newborn. I am a single parent, and I am not saying that single parents can't parent well. They most definitely can. But even for those of us who do it, it's not ideal. So, we shouldn't, as a society, glamorize teen pregnancy. It's not easy and it's not fair to teen moms. I've heard parents of pregnant teens say things like "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it"...meaning that somehow going it alone is the punishment for getting pregnant in the first place. Parenting should not be a punishment. It is the hardest thing anyone will ever do, and to put that responsibility on a teen girl is asking way too much, even if she thinks it's what she wants. We need to teach our teens how to act responsibly and how to protect themselves and their education from going down a path that will be hard on them and their children. No decisions should be forced on anyone, but all options should be explored and offered. Let's not glamorize pregnancy and childbirth for children.

Go Ahead - Ask Santa

Some of you may be old enough to remember the Art Linkletter Show back in the 60's. Okay, so that definitely dates me, but one of the funniest portions of the show was always the segment entitled "Kids say the darnedest things". Children would be asked leading questions and, inevitably, would say something no one expected. I was reminded of that show when my friend, Amy, spoke with me today. Her son, Micheal, who is two, made his first "real" visit to Santa. Anxious to tell Santa exactly what he wanted, Michael climbed eagerly up on Santa's lap. A more cherubic baby you'll never see -- Michael has a head full of beautiful brown curls and pink rosy cheeks. He's a happy boy who is constantly smiling and on the go. When asked by Santa what he wanted, he looked to his mother. Amy whispered, "Tell Santa that you want a truck" and as an afterthought she said, "And peace on earth". Michael looked up and said, "I want a truck -- and pizza on earth!". Needless to say, Santa got quite a kick out of that. Amy laughed as she told me and then we thought about it. Pizza on earth...he might be onto something there. If everyone had pizza, there might just be peace. Kids say the darnedest things.

Pearl Harbor & The Christmas Spirit

Today is December 7th - Pearl Harbor Day. I was lucky enough to be able to go to Pearl Harbor some 25 years ago and I toured the Memorial on the USS Arizona, along with the Harbor. It was a very somber visit and I will always remember it. It seems a little surreal to stand just over the sunken battleship and look out over the water to the break in the hills where the Japanese bombers flew in without warning. I brought my father home a flag that had been flown for a day over the memorial. He enlisted, like many young men of that time, because of what happened at Pearl. He and his three brothers each chose a different branch of the service and they went together to enlist in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. My Dad was the Marine (Semper Fi, Dad). Because today is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor and because it's nearly Christmas, I think this poem is a poignant reminder and remembrance of who protects us while we live our lives. I don't know the author of this poem and would love to give them credit, so if you know, please share.


A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My child beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps, I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled there in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, It's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve.
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.
It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
"My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures...He's sure got her smile."
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue -- an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother,
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "Harbor no fright.
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money?," I asked, "Or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

In his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."


Many communities have programs that enable families to "adopt" a soldier during the holidays, so they have a place to hang out and have Christmas dinner. If you live near a military base, inquire to find out about those programs. Otherwise, think about sending a care package through a reputable charity to our servicemen and women overseas for the holidays so that they know that they do matter to us.

Women's Intuition

Over the Thanksgiving holiday I found myself at the bookstore having a quiet cup of coffee with my fiance, Joseph. Although I love it, it's been a while since I allowed myself the time to wander through aisles of books and just browse for a while. I came across a book I had read, but forgot about, since I tend to loan books to friends (and sometimes never see them again as they make the rounds). "To Die For" by Kathy Braidhill is a true story which details the crimes of Dana Sue Gray, the first female serial killer convicted in the history of Riverside County, California. I read it a few years ago. It is set in Southwest Riverside County, where I live. It was interesting to read a true story that detailed settings in areas with which I am familiar. It seems a little surreal when you are reading about places you have visited or roads you travel daily, knowing that the person (the murderer) being discussed has visited those same places.

Dana Sue Gray was a nurse. She worked in the post-partum unit of a local hospital. To think of someone taking care of post-partum mothers and newborns and then going out and murdering people is hard to grasp. The fact is, she was discharged from her job, presumably for issues with drugs that were missing from the unit, so there was obviously an underlying problem that perhaps caused her to lose her way and her perspective.

Women have intuition. When I meet someone, I generally have a "gut feeling" about them and I instantly know how I feel about them. I pretty much like everyone and can identify their strengths and qualities. When I worked at Inland Valley Regional Medical Center on the OB unit, I enjoyed my job and had many friends who were nurses. One day, I was introduced to a new nurse. I had a reaction like none I've ever had before. I instantly disliked her. I felt guilty about that at the time. Our nurse manager and I discussed it and she wondered why I felt that way because she liked her. I couldn't explain it, but I asked not to be scheduled to work with this nurse and most of the time I wasn't. When it was necessary to work with her, I avoided her. Her name was Dana Sue Gray. Years later, when I would learn what happened, I remembered my feelings about her. Dana and I shared a workplace and even some friends, but I could never bring myself to like her or even to fake it. When I read this book I realized that we, as women, should never question our intuition. It's there for a reason and it didn't fail me.

Stroller Recall

One million strollers are being recalled by stroller manufacturer Maclaren after many accidents involving a hinge on the side of the stroller. The hinge closes when the child is being put into the stroller or grasps that particular area, and amputates the end of a finger. The strollers were manufactured from 1999 to the present. If you have a stroller by this manufacturer, you should stop using it immediately. If it is a recent purchase, you can return it to the store. Otherwise, contact the Maclaren directly and you will be sent a repair kit.

This is a good time to talk about the purchase of baby items like cribs, strollers, high chairs, etc. We all end up with a few hand me downs, and some of us enjoy finding bargains at flea markets or yard sales. With items like this you have to be very careful that you are not obtaining and item that his been previously recalled or is no longer in good working order. This is a safety issue and very important to remember when you are outfitting your nursery. It may be best to purchase larger items new, so that you get the recall information as soon as possible and you have the ability to return them if there is something wrong.

Birth - An Out Of Body Experience

The last couple of weeks have been busy ones. Usually in life, and in adoption particularly, it seems that the boys generally outnumber the girls, but it's been a good week and we've had two girls born and another one should make her appearance on Thursday this week. We're happy to have any baby God has in store for us, but girls are hard to find for adoptive parents who have a preference, so we're happy we have a few new baby girls in the world. Ironically, those parents who have a preference for baby girls outnumber the parents who have a preference for baby boys. Of course, plenty of adoptive parents don't have a preference, so there is a good match for everyone out there.

Many adoption professionals don't work with families who have a preference, perhaps feeling that if you give birth, you can't choose. However, we feel that as long as a family is willing to take a chance that the sonogram might be wrong and go with flow, we'll work with families who have a gender preference. Most families want a particular gender because they already have one (or more) of the opposite gender. It's understandable that families want the gender they don't have, and with adoptive parents who have been through so much with infertility treatments and perhaps failed pregnancies, it seems only fair that they have an advantage somewhere. It's just important that they know that gender selection can take much longer, since only a small percentage of birth moms are going to know the gender before they match.

This year, there has been a strange phenomena. We've had a few birth moms give birth at home on the floor or in their bed, and not on purpose. It can be very risky when this happens. In one situation, there was a cord looped around the baby's neck -- a very dangerous situation for those who haven't been trained in childbirth and infant resuscitation. This last week, a birth mom in Michigan was at home and everything was perfectly normal. She didn't have labor pains, just a sudden urge to push. Out popped a baby girl and birth mom was alone and had to cut her own cord and call for paramedics. I can't help but think that had to be traumatic with no one there to help, but baby and birth mom are fine.

Of course when babies are born at home without the benefit of a nurse or midwife, there is a greater chance of infection or sepsis, so antibiotics are generally administered in order to keep the infant healthy and stave off infection. Most women who have given birth probably can't imagine this scenario because with first babies, it's not unusual for the pushing alone to take a couple of hours. Average first labors can last around 12 hours.

So, Brian and Bridgette, congratulations and welcome baby Haley! I have a feeling that you may be dealing with a little girl who will get where she wants to go in a hurry. Put on your running shoes! We can't wait to meet her.

Oh Happy Day!

The tears are flowing today. It has been the best day in a long time. My friend, Katie, has a beautiful new baby in her arms. Happy Birthday, Mia! All is well there, so I am very thankful for that. Additionally, my wonderful fiance, Joseph, had good news as well. He passed his written board exams for radiology. Such a major accomplishment and such a major stressor, all at the same time. But, God is good and we are on cloud 9. I wish there were a way to transport myself to both South Carolina and Texas. I have hugs to spare right now.

For the past ten years or so, my nomination for Mother of the Year has always been the same. Katie is the adoption world's answer to The Duggers (18 kids and counting)! Her mission in life has been to provide a home to children in crisis or kids who didn't have another hope for being adopted into a family. She has adopted several older sibling groups of three or four kids at a time. We all know how much fun teens and pre-teens are to parent! She took on that task times six when she began her adoption journey with two sibling groups who were just about to enter their teens. Being a first time mom to a half dozen kids in transition while still trying to get to know and love them is not for the faint of heart. Katie took it all in stride and with a sense of humor.

Later on, she adopted a set of triplets and their sister, again pre-teens. I'm sure plenty of people have used the word "crazy" to describe this woman of faith and courage! She is crazy. She's crazy for kids and for the work God has given her. She has had her share of heartbreak, including a few adoption failures. She had a baby girl for four months who had to be returned to the birth mother. In her heart, she's still the Mom of that baby. She had a young sibling group of three fall through later on. She waited a very long time before being able to rescue three of her boys from foster care. She was able to adopt one premature newborn who was so fragile, people were scared to pick him up or care for him. This is Katie's life. How she does it is a mystery to this mom of three. I can't imagine how she gets everyone in line and where they are supposed to be on time and without pulling her hair out. Each child has his or her own interests and talents and those are nurtured. There is a system for everything (I won't even talk about laundry for that many people!).

Katie has been through unbelievable trials and tribulations. With older kids coming out of foster care, she has dealt with abuse and neglect of every kind imaginable. She has taken these kids with broken lives and given them a sense of security, a place to call home, an education, and more than anything else, love. Her husband, Dale, is no slouch either! Dale has to be a saint. If not, he will be! He is kind and patient and supportive and knows that when God talks, Katie listens and he's there to help.

Tomorrow, Katie and Dale will be headed out to South Carolina for a very special birth. They will be adopting their 15th child (the older ones are out of the house!). October 29 will be baby Mia's birthday. I was speaking with Katie today and she talked about the excitement of having a newborn baby after missing out on the baby and toddler stages with her older kids. She can't wait. She cried when she told me how God put this child in her heart and that, despite having many children, she is not done and she knows she needs to be the mother of this little one. Katie has always told me that she wants the children that need her most. It doesn't matter about past history, age, or race. She just wants to be there for the ones who need her. She went on to say that her birth mother has nothing and she wants to help, but can't due to restrictions in PA about support or gifts of any kind to the birth mother. It breaks her heart to know that her birth mother is living in a house with no heat and no furniture.

I have yet to figure out how from 3,000 miles away, but I want to do two things. I want to give Katie the first baby shower she has ever had. I also want to find a way to provide some assistance and gift cards for her birth mother, who has two children, ages 3 and 14 months. She's just trying to find a way to take care of her kids and provide for them at Christmas, and she hasn't asked for a thing. When Katie offered to bring a used toddler bed for her, she profusely thanked her four times saying, "It's a blessing. I don't have anything." If anyone wants to help, please let me know. If you have any ideas, send them my way. If anyone deserves a baby shower and anything we can do for her, it's Katie. I feel privileged to know her and call her friend. She is quite an inspiration.

MISSING CHILD ALERT!

On the heels of my last blog article about a mom taking care of neighborhood girls while they waited in the early morning for their school bus, in our own own backyard a child has gone missing. The Lake Elsinore Unified School District notified parents twice last week of a suspect who was annoying girls as they walked to and from school. We received another notification today about an additional complaint this week. The girls escaped and notified authorities. Yesterday, an 11 year old girl went missing after school. Jacqueline Miller was not around when her mother went to her school to pick her up yesterday. She attended all of her classes and the school was on a minimum day and let out early. When her mother arrived later, she was no where to be found. Today is her birthday and she would not have wanted to miss the celebration. A search of the area did not reveal any trace of her and bloodhounds were unable to track her scent. Authorities are concerned that she might have been taken into a vehicle.

If you live in Southern California, please go to WildomarVoice.com and look at the pictures of the suspected predator and also of Jacqueline Loraine Miller. The suspect is driving a black four-door VW Passat or Jetta sedan. All of the victims have described him as a Caucasian man, 160-170 lbs., 5'8" to 5'10" with a stocky build. His hair color is brown, eyes unknown, but the flyer pictures him with blue eyes. Please contact the Wildomar Police Department at 951-245-3300 or Riverside County Sheriff's Dispatch at 800-950-2444 if you have any information on the suspect or the missing child. It really does take a village and it's time we all took a stand to protect our children.

It Takes A Village

A raspberry to the Michigan Department of Human Services for their inappropriate misuse of the law in the case a Michigan Mom who has stepped in to help with neighborhood children. Lisa Snyder lives in Irving Township, Michigan, and has a bus stop in front of her home. Three neighbor girls, whose parents have to leave early for work, stop in and hang out at Lisa's home with her daughter, Grace, while waiting for the bus to arrive in the morning. Lisa doesn't charge the other families, and shouldn't be required to license as a child care provider in order to let them play at her house while they wait. After all, it takes a village. She recently received a letter from Michigan DHS warning her that if she continued to allow the girls to be at her home before school, she would be in violation of a state law aimed at operators of unlicensed day care centers. The State of Michigan Department of Human Services apparently has nothing better to do than patrol neighborhoods looking for errant Moms doing favors so that other Moms can go to work. Interesting. Perhaps the State officials would prefer these kids stayed at home alone, unsupervised, or alone on the street while they await the bus each morning. What about in Winter? Do they stand out in the snow freezing because their parents had to leave 20 minutes earlier than they do? Just being a good neighbor has put Lisa Snyder into a situation of considering the law versus common sense. In this case, common sense does not apply to the law. The state legislature is now aware of how ridiculous the law and its enforcement has become, so perhaps they will change it. Hopefully Governor Jennifer Granholm will insist on some changes so that neighbors can help neighbors without fear of "big brother" interfering. If so, maybe this will enable the state licensing officials to find some real violators.

Updates

I can hardly believe it's the end of September. I lost most of the month while ill with mono, which is no picnic. I came to understand that we take for granted the energy we wake up with every day! I am just now getting back to normal after six weeks of lethargy and exhaustion like I've never known. I'm just glad that I've begun to feel like I can put one foot in front of the other again! Thanks to all the Rotary and Elks friends who came to my rescue at the meeting in August. I also appreciate all of the cards, e-mails, and phone calls of good wishes.

Say a prayer for Zama and Sizakele today. (I'll post a picture of them). Baby Zama is having her surgery to release the scar contractures. She is a beautiful, spunky little girl who has gone through a lot. She'll be going back to Swaziland in October and we're all hoping that this surgery is the final one she'll need.

Holly had a few days off last week on vacation and she went to meet her birth father for the first time. They met up in Las Vegas and had a great time. Apparently, some of the similarities were evident, even in Holly's kids. It was an exciting time for her and she's now met both of her birth parents, who were teens when she was placed for adoption. More news on that meeting later once Holly can share her story.

Congratulations to Eric and Julie on their recent match. We're crossing our fingers that everything will go well. Super-parents Katie and Dale...baby #15 is on the way. After four boys, it will be fun to have a girl! Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed...

Snakebite Update - Zama

Speaking of snakes, I have an update on Zama (or Zamo), the baby who was bitten on her leg while she was sleeping in her hut in Swaziland. She and her mother, Sizakele, have now been in the U.S. for her surgery and treatment since May 27. She is scheduled for her third surgery to release the scar contractures that have developed due to scarring around the graft site. She is having trouble keeping the front of her foot down, so this will help her get more mobility at the ankle. She has had to stay longer than planned due to the scarring and physical therapy, so money is being raised to help with the expenses. A pancake breakfast in Loma Linda raised $1,050.00! Also, Dr. Bush hosted a multi-family garage sale at his home with the proceeds going to help and $1,550.00 was raised. Some children donated their piggy banks, which was touching. If anyone wants to contribute, the address is;

Medical/living costs: LLUMC Venom Fund #834
Sean Bush, M.D.
11234 Anderson St., Room A108
Loma Linda, CA 92354

Sizakele is 22 and has never had any formal education. She came here with an interpreter and is now fluent in English. She is learning her alphabet and is taking an aptitude test this week to see what reading level she has attained. She has made those around her pause to think about how fortunate we all are, even in these hard times. At the garage sale, she was amazed at how many clothes people donated and surprised that they still had more at home. In Swaziland, she had only three shirts and two skirts. Zama had only three outfits. They had to walk 30 minutes to the river to wash them and bring them home again.

Zama is thriving and can understand English and everything that is said to her She is now 22 months old and very mischevious. Dr. Bush's wife, A'me, will be returning to Swaziland with them next month. We are hoping to get some contacts and information about possibly doing adoptions and setting up an orphanage there. We are contemplating setting up a non-profit branch of our agency, A Gift of Hope Adoptions, called "Gifts of Hope" to fund water wells and orphanage projects in that region of the world. Due to the high incidence of HIV/AIDS, there are many orphans. We are hoping that we can get some of them into good homes and make the others much more comfortable. If you want to help or contribute in any way, there will be many opportunities to help. In the meantime, prayers are good!

They desperately need water wells. Can you imagine drinking dirty river water where people wash their clothes and take baths? Animals cross the river as well. Everyone deserves clean drinking water. I will think about that every time I sip from a bottle of purified water. If you or anyone you know (Make it a boy scout/girl scout project!) would like to help build a well in Swaziland, the fund contact information is;

Hug fund/Zama
All Nations African SDA Church
Verah Mthombeni
Box 1579
Loma Linda, CA 92354

Thank you!

What Were They Thinking?

Child safety is a priority for most parents. We are meticulous about putting our children in their car seats, making them wear helmets when they are biking or skateboarding, and we make sure they don't play unsupervised or in the street. Why then, would anyone who has a two-year-old child own a pet Burmese python? Recently, in Oxford, Florida, a python which was over 8 feet in length, broke out of it's terrarium. You can see the writing on the wall. Toddler Shaiunna Hare was already dead when paramedics arrived. The owner of the python, Shaiunna's mother's boyfriend, Charles Darnell, discovered the snake missing and went to search for it. It shouldn't be hard to find an 8+ foot python. It had made it's way to Shaiunna's room and Charles found it wrapped around Shaiunna, who had already been strangled. There were bite marks all over her head. It wouldn't have been long before the snake would have swallowed her. The snake was so tightly wrapped around the little girl that he had to stab it numerous times before he was able to pry it away from the child.

I'm sure Mr. Darnell was frantically trying to save Shaiunna, but what was he (and especially her mother) thinking? An 8 foot snake doesn't belong in any home, much less the home of a toddler. A child should be safe in her own home. Where are the restrictions for owning such pets? Why would anyone want to own a "pet" that has to be fed another pet (bunnies, mice, rats, etc.)?

People who have bought and kept Burmese pythons find that they get too big to keep at home. In Florida, an alarming number of them have been released into the everglades. There, they are thriving and breeding. Last week alone, 18 large pythons were removed from the everglades, where they are wreaking havoc with the native species. They eat all of the natural wildlife, including alligators. There are a number of endangered and protected species in the everglades who are losing the battle to the pythons. This year to date, 245 Burmese pythons have been caught in the everglades. You can watch a video made by National Geographic, which states that hunters are now being issued permits to hunt down and kill the pythons.

http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/player/news/culture-places-news/florida-pythons-apvin.html

Hurricane Andrew contributed to the problem. People fleeing the hurricane left their pet pythons behind. In the aftermath of the hurricane, many of these snakes escaped their habitats when homes were destroyed or flooded.

In defense of the pythons, this is not their native habitat and it's not their fault. They were brought here and turned loose by people. They don't belong in cages in people's homes. It's not fair to them to be released into an unfamiliar habitat and then to be hunted and killed. They are simply following the course of nature. People have caused this problem. In the past five years, the United States has imported 144,563 Burmese pythons. People should have to have a license to own a dangerous pet, if these snakes should be owned by private parties at all. Pythons are breeding and can grow large enough to eat a child or domestic pet. Some are large enough to kill an adult. We have the capability to microchip them and hold their owners responsible for their whereabouts and damage done by them.

Pythons are capable of killing every type of bird and mammal in the everglades. Biologists have found the remains of squirrels, rats, bobcats, opossums, wrens and other birds in the stomachs of captured pythons. Endangered wood storks live in the Everglades National Park. Pythons, aside from killing the native animals, compete for prey and space. They are taking food from hawks, bobcats, and even native endangered indigo snakes. A giant snake can eat a large deer.

In 2002, an 8-year-old girl died in Pittsburgh after a python escaped from its cage and strangled her to death. In Colorado, that same year, it took seven firefighters to pry a 10-foot python of the neck and chest of a man who subsequently died. It seems to me that once these incidents happened, new laws should have been enacted. Apparently, no one payed much attention and now the problem is much larger and it will likely cost billions over the next few years to restore the balance of nature in the everglades. Meanwhile, the pythons have to die because they are a threat to people and native animal species.

I'm wondering why it takes something of this magnitude to get the attention of our lawmakers, who could easily ban the import of these animals except for zoos, schools, veterinarians, and reptile experts. Maybe we should ask them.

It Goes Both Ways

Years ago, early on in my adoption career, I worked for another facilitator. That's actually where I learned the ropes and figured out how adoption can be a win-win-win situation for all involved in the triad. Over the years since then, I have participated in hundreds of adoptions and I am happy with how each and every one has turned out. There is one adoption that haunts me, and although the couple who adopted were not my clients, I became friends with the birth mother. She was a lovely girl and has developed into a beautiful wife, mother, and a lovely person.

I have always told my families "You may promise anything you like in terms of contact and relationship with your birth mother, but whatever you promise, you have a moral responsibility to stick to it". Of course there are exceptions to every rule, and if a birth parent became involved in drugs or an unhealthy lifestyle, then protecting a child is first and foremost. However, that's rare, if it ever happens.

Katie went into the adoption with a heavy heart and the request that it be an "open adoption". She requested letters and pictures and updates. She loved her son and still does. Since that time, she has married the birth father and had several children with him. At the time of the adoption, their relationship was still rocky and they were unmarried and, being the responsible person she is, Katie felt that her son would be better off in a two-parent family. She wanted him to know that both she and his birth father loved him enough to ensure his welfare, despite her own sorrow at having to part with him.

She chose a family that betrayed her and lied to her. It began insidiously when they hired an attorney for her who lived next door to them. While he was supposed to represent the birth parents, he had a vested interest in the adoptive parents. She was unaware of this until years later. Katie is resourceful. When the adoptive parents didn't uphold their end of the bargain and didn't send updates, letters, or pictures, and stopped taking her calls, she began to wonder what was going on. She did a little detective work. Merely months after the adoption of her child, the couple filed for divorce. Apparently, even during the home study process, the wife was having an affair and planned to divorce, as soon as she got the child.

Katie persisted in trying to get information about how her son was doing and, not wanting her to know about the divorce or the bad situation at home, they put her off. They didn't know she had the information already. The adoptive grandmother of her child sympathized and kept in touch with her, giving her disturbing information. Soon, each of the parents re-married and people she didn't know or choose were parenting her child. At this point, not only did they not send updates or pictures, they were actively trying to keep information from her and told her that they had "changed their minds" about the open adoption. The grandmother relayed her dismay that the adoptive parents were bitterly fighting in front of the child and there was a tug of war over him.

When she contacted the attorney, he gave her no hope for receiving the information she had been promised. Little did she know that everything she told him was repeated to the adoptive family. She had no legal representation at all. They became angry and mean-spirited and the situation became even more tense. In the meantime, Katie had a family life. She wasn't trying to contact the adoptive family every day, or week, or month. She just wanted news about her first born son. He now had full siblings. When the adoptive parents learned that the grandmother was in touch with Katie, they terminated their relationship with their own family member as well. Meanwhile, the adoptive mother became sick with a serious illness. She is now on her deathbed and expected to pass away in the next few weeks. Katie's son will be raised with a step-parent. This was not the life she had planned for her child.

There is irony here. Katie, in an effort to give her child a two-parent home, placed her child with a family which was broken before the adoption. She and her son's father married and have done well in the ten or so years since. They have healthy, well-adjusted, happy children. She is an excellent mother. I'm not saying that divorce doesn't happen, even among adoptive parents. I think it's probably more rare than among other families, but it happens. In this case, however, lies were told and Katie was purposefully deceived. That is just wrong.

This past year or so, for the first time ever, I have declined to represent a couple of families who I felt were not candidates for adoption due to family issues or substance abuse. Of course, when that happens, I'm the bad guy. But, I have to take the high ground because it really comes down to what is right for the child. If we recognize that there is trouble in a family, it's our responsibility to keep a child out of that situation. Better safe than sorry. I don't regret doing that. I only regret that Katie and her son have suffered at the hands of someone who never should have been allowed to adopt. I have wonderful adoptive families and I am grateful for that. Thankfully, to date, none of my adoptive families have failed to keep their promises. Adoptive families always worry about whether birth parents are telling them the truth. It goes both ways. Birth parents need the same assurances. After all, they have much more at stake. All Katie wanted in exchange for her child was peace of mind and a good home for him. She deserved that and so did he.

Jaycee's Law

It's been a couple of weeks since I've blogged and I have to apologize for that. I have been sick with some form of flu or viral illness and all I can say is that the older you get, the harder you fall!

My down time had me watching a lot of news and I'm sure everyone has heard about the case of Jaycee Lee Dugard, the young girl who was kidnapped in California at age 11 and was recently found 18 years later hidden in the back yard of a sexual predator. I can't really fathom why Phillip Garrido, a man with so many past incidents and charges, and even an extended prison sentence (He got 50 years and served 10), was ever let out of prison in the first place. It's the fault of society and all of us when we allow sexual predators to remain free.

Out of curiosity, I went to the Megan's Law website for California. There it allowed me to search my area for sexual predators. I was pretty stunned to find that there are a dozen registered sex offenders within two blocks of my child's school. How is that possible? They are listed by law enforcement on the website, so authorities obviously know where they are. Meanwhile, after school, children walk past these homes every weekday, unaware of the dangers. Shouldn't the schools be required to warn parents and children?

Jaycee was kidnapped within sight of her home while she was walking to the school bus. She was forced into a car by an adult female, presumably the wife of Phillip Garrido, who met him while he was in prison. Some people are just plain sick. Apparently, this woman was his accomplice.

Perhaps it seems a bit harsh, but I am a proponent of castration, either physical or chemical, to control sexual predators. I am also a proponent of a one strike law. The recidivism rate among sex offenders is something like 86%, so it seems like a no-brainer to keep them where they can no longer offend or castrate them so they can no longer offend. If it saves one child, I'd be willing to pay higher taxes to keep them off the streets.

Perhaps it's the times, but it doesn't seem like it was as dangerous when we were children. We didn't have to worry so much about these things. Perhaps the internet has something to do with it. Children become an easy target and are easier to find. If you've watched the Dateline NBC show called "To Catch a Predator", you know that people who wish to prey on children are a dime a dozen.

I can't imagine the joy and sorrow of Jaycee's parents upon learning of her fate. It would be unbelievable to have your daughter back after all of those years of captivity, but how can you ever really get her back? She was with her captors longer than she was with her family. She suffered unspeakable horrors at such a young age. She gave birth at 14 without benefit of a hospital or a doctor. She learned to survive, but at what cost?

We can't trust the system. The system failed for Jaycee. Even after neighbors reported children living in tents in the back yard and wild parties, police dropped the ball. They didn't check to see who Phillip Garrido was. If they had, they would have found that he was a registered sex offender with an ankle bracelet. They didn't even check the back yard, which was the source of the complaint. Another three years went by before Jaycee and her two young daughters were rescued. I am a big proponent of law enforcement and I am solidly behind our police, but that officer should be fired. He not only didn't do his job, he risked three lives in the process.

I think it's important for parents to check the Megan's Law website for their area and inform their children, those old enough to understand, that there are people they need to stay away from. Our congressmen need to know that we want continued access to this website and that we want tougher laws on the books to protect our future, our children. Please take the time to make an effort to make a difference in that regard -- if that is to call your child's school and make them aware of the dangers nearby, calling your local senator or writing your congressman to let them know where you stand on these issues. Jaycee's Law is yet to be written, but I hope it is and that it requires castration for sexual offenders. There is a special place in hell for those who would hurt children, and in the meantime they need to stay in prison.

Infant Deaths Cause Recall of Blinds & Shades

During a time when many of our families are outfitting their nurseries and hanging new blinds or shades, everyone needs to be aware of the dangers of dangling cords. Six companies have issued recalls after three children have died by becoming tangled in cords. The three deaths occurred in 2006 and it has taken the Consumer Product Safety Commission this long to notify the public. It makes me wonder if the death of a one year old killed in 2007 could have been prevented.

I am sad to say that I know someone who lost a child to this very problem over 20 years ago. It's not something you can ever get over, especially when it's preventable. Make sure that your child's crib is not next to the window. This makes sense not only because of the cord, but also because of the window, which could be broken.

Recalled blinds are;
Pottery Barn Kids/Williams Sonoma, Inc. - 85,000 roman shades with exposed inner cords (four kids were found entangled with cords around their necks)

IKEA Home Furnishings - 120,000 Melina Roman blinds (2-year-old found hanging from the looped bead chain).

Vertical Land - 32,000 blinds and shades (death of a 4-year-old girl strangled in the loop of a vertical blind cord not attached to wall or floor).

Lewis Hyman, Inc. - 4.2 million roll up blinds (1-year-old strangled and killed in the lift cord of the roll up blind; a 13-month-old died after his head was caught between exposed cords and cloth on the back side of the shade).

Target - 163,000 Thermal Sailcloth and Matchstick Bamboo roman shades imported by Victoria Classics, sold in 2008 & 2009. They have exposed inner cords.

Lutron Electronics Co. distributed 245,000 roller shades that were sold at specialty dealers and Expo Design Centers from 2000 to April, 2009. There is a looped bead chain that should be attached to floor or wall.

If you own any of these blinds, you should contact the manufacturer for repair or money back. I would suggest taking them down, since no expense is worth the loss of a child. You can download information at the CPSC website and post it at your local day care or school. If you have additional questions or want to research the products and repair options, please go to the Consumer Product Safety Commission website at;

http://www.cpsc.gov

Weekend Warrior

Weekends are never quiet around here. I decided to work the weekend, as I often do, because I was gone part of last week getting my daughter settled in her dorm (in 109 degree heat, yuck!), and wanted to play catch up on things that needed to be done at the office. My web goddess (as I call her) came by to work on the website and help me with a few internet related things. It felt like a regular day at work because the phones kept ringing. Sarita, a birth mother, called to make an adoption plan and spent the better part of an hour and a half on the phone with me. Gina, our web designer, asked me "Do they all take that long?" Pretty much. When talking with a birth mom, I want to give her enough time to feel comfortable with me and get to the point of being able to open up and share information. If she feels comfortable and secure, she won't make any other calls. By the time we got off the phone, Sarita felt much better and we agreed she would look at some profiles.

The phone kept ringing...and it was good news. IT'S A GIRL! We want to welcome baby Amaia Alese, who was born on Saturday, Aug. 22, and weighed in at 7 lbs. 6 oz. Congratulations to Geri and R.J. on the birth of their new daughter! Hopefully, they will be back home in Pennsylvania by this coming weekend.

So, if you've had a little trouble reaching me over the past few days, I've been pretty busy with phones and important baby business. I'm here and I'll catch up...some day.

Empty Nests

When my first two children were 8 and 5, I was presumably content with having my boy and girl and was excited when my youngest, Erin, started kindergarten. It didn't take long before "empty nest" syndrome set in and I needed another baby in the house. It was a long, difficult journey with miscarriages, a fetal demise, an acute allergic bronchospasm requiring hospitalization, a placental abruption, surgery for a cerclage, and 18 weeks of bed rest before I achieved my goal, and my son, Dylan was born. Never mind that he was born with pneumonia and ended up being transferred to a hospital in San Diego. At that point, I was 37 and it was the end of my childbearing days. But, I went out on a win, so I was happy.

Now, 20 years later, my daughter is heading off to school again, and the house is going to feel terribly empty. Erin will leave tomorrow for the dorm at UNLV, home of the Rebels. For those who know her, there is no more appropriate mascot. I will miss my risk-taking, fun-loving daughter. She has a strong will and a competitive spirit (much like my own?), and I think she's going to do great things. She'll be studying kinesiology/sports medicine. Who wouldn't want to massage athletes? Just kidding! She is going into physical therapy and she'll be good at it, as she has the spirit of an athlete and it will be important to her to get her patients back out on the field. She's threatening to take up skydiving and that has Mom more than a little nervous, but I guess she wouldn't be Erin if she didn't try crazy things. Good luck, my little Rebel. Your brother and I will miss you.

...And Other Safety Issues

On Sunday, we attended a minor league baseball game at Storm Stadium (Padres) in which Dr. Sean Bush was honored for his work with snakebite victims. It was great...he threw out the first pitch. His wife, mentioned that he didn't want to "throw like a girl". Well, he'd be lucky to throw like some of the girls on the local high school softball team! He did a fine job, though, and hopefully opened some eyes to the dangers of snakebites. We're still looking for donations for Zamo's additional physical therapy and possibly one more surgery. She looked wonderful, though. Zamo was charismatic and very friendly, coming up to me and holding both of my hands. What a doll. I was happy to see such remarkable progress with her wounds.

On the way home, my son and I encountered an accident site. The road was closed off, so we had to go around it. Driving by, we noticed only one small truck, which was badly damaged on the front right fender. I was concerned that perhaps it had collided with a motorcycle. There were people standing around crying which was disheartening, but we didn't know what had happened. We learned yesterday that it was actually a vehicle vs. bicycle accident. The fender was so badly damaged, it was apparent that some amount of speed was involved. A 15-year-old boy, the same age as my son, was struck. He was not wearing a helmet and it cost him his life. I don't know if the vehicle driver was at fault, but regardless of that, had this young man been wearing a helmet, he may have survived being thrown onto the asphalt, where he struck his head. It is such a tragedy and perhaps one that could be avoided. His family is devastated and there is no going back.

Also last weekend, a young man in Huntington Beach, California was enjoying a party with friends. They were kids from a Christian school and there was no alcohol involved -- they were just fooling around. One of his friends jumped into his car and started it and began to drive off. He made a bad decision to jump onto the top of the car. The friend kept going and said he was "just playing". When he rounded a corner, not going very fast, the young high school student fell off the roof of his own car. He was killed by trauma to his head, which was no match for the pavement.

We need to educate our children about helmet safety. While helmets may inhibit some movement, they are essential to saving lives. They may be inconvenient, but that inconvenience is worth the trade off. A funeral is inconvenient too.

School Bus Safety

When I was growing up, most cars didn't have seat belts. I can remember driving down the street in our tank -- uh, car -- a '64 Chevy Impala, with my parents. No one had seat belts in those days. It's almost a little surreal to think about that today. Now, there are penalties for not having everyone in your car belted in. If an accident occurs and a child dies as a result of not being belted in, charges can be filed against the person responsible. As a mom, I was obsessive about infant car seats being belted in and painstakingly reading the instructions (and you know I hate reading instructions!)on how to install toddler seats. My children developed the habit of putting on seat belts as soon as they got into a vehicle. Most parents today are obsessive about making sure their children are safe in the car. So, we spend a lifetime doing that daily ritual, but when our kids get onto a school bus, there are no seat belts. Why are we okay with that? Is the cost factor worth the lives of children?

In our school district, as in many, parents are required to pay a transportation fee for their children to ride the bus to school. Between this fee and taxes, it would seem that seat belts should be in the budget. Perhaps some of Mr. Obama's health care bill costs could be cut if we had fewer injuries of children in school bus crashes.

After many fatal bus accidents,some people have begun to take notice. A research grant was awarded to the University Transportation Center for Alabama. I find this ironic. $300,000.00 was provided for a three-year pilot program. I'm not sure why we need a pilot program and dedicated research to tell us that children loose in a bus are not safe. We've all read the news reports of kids on buses getting up and causing problems, bullies, and other reasons school bus drivers have been distracted. Doesn't it make sense to provide safety belts for all children on buses for their safety and the safety of others? Wouldn't this allow the driver to pay more attention to the road and the actual driving of the bus, rather than having his or her eyes on the rearview mirror all the time the bus is moving? It makes perfect sense to me that rule number one on every school bus should be to buckle in. If a child is caught out of the seat belt, the bus doesn't move until they are back in. It wouldn't take long to train a bus full of children to stay in their seatbelts. Peer pressure is great in this respect. If a child is warned a few times, then they are no longer allowed to ride the bus for a period of time and a parent must find some other way to get them transported to school. This would keep everyone safer, and there wouldn't be kids getting up in a moving bus. There would be far less problems with bullying or injuries caused by quick stops or fender benders on the buses and our children would have a fighting chance if a bus were to have a rollover accident.

This seems like a no-brainer to me, but the experts have to do a study and report back a few years from now. They want to make sure their data is accurate. While they "get it right", I wonder if that time table will affect the lives (or shorten them) of some children around the country before seat belts become the norm. Why not cut to the chase and enact laws now that bus drivers must follow, just as parents do in cars every day? Is it fair to hold parents to a higher standard than a school bus driver? Is it reasonable or ethical to counter the due diligence of parents in their everyday routine with haphazard and downright dangerous conditions on the buses that transport their children to school each day? In my opinion, we should demand seat belts on our school buses and not take no for an answer. What is more important than the safety of our children? We can cut financial corners some other place. School buses should not even be manufactured without safety harnesses/seat belts.

For those of you with babies or small children, this is going to become a very important issue for you before you know it. Make your communities and local school districts aware of it now and your children will be safe later. It's hard enough to let them go off to school alone with they are little. They need to get there and get home safely.

ICWA and Tribal Gaming

ICWA is the Indian Child Welfare Act. It allows sovereign tribes to decide the fate of infants with Indian blood who are being placed for adoption. I believe the original intent of the law was to allow Native American tribes to retain their culture and keep their tribes from being disbanded. Interestingly, much has changed over the years since ICWA was enacted. Tribes are no longer poor due to tribal gaming. This has had an impact on Native American children in a number of ways. A Native American birth mother or a woman who is having a child by a Native American father can be forced to place her child within the tribe or parent even if she is not prepared to do so. I think that this is a violation of her rights as a mother. She can choose to abort the baby, but she has no say where it goes if she gives it life. I do understand the tribal perspective in terms of culture and maintenance of tribal customs, but with each generation we all become more mixed and intertwined with other races. How pure of race is anyone? I can trace my own roots back to a Palous Indian chief, but I don't have tribal benefits.

Just this week, a tribe intervened and didn't allow an adoption that was planned by the birth mother. They decided that they wanted to keep the child within the tribe. She felt forced to do what the tribe dictated, rather than take the baby home -- something that she wasn't prepared to do. She was asking for support because she couldn't feed the kids she had. I wonder where the tribe was when she was pregnant. While I respect the right of a tribe to maintain their heritage, I don't feel it's fair to a birth mother to make the decisions for her. Not that life is fair, but each tribe treats it differently, which means women in the same situation are treated differently depending upon the tribe. I've only had two or three situations in my career where a tribe actually intervened.

I do find it interesting that tribal gaming has changed the way ICWA is administered and there is no consistency across the tribal lines. Some wealthy tribes don't get involved but, rather, allow the birth mother to make her own adoption plan. Why? Because another tribal member means another way to split the pie -- the income that is generated with tribal gaming. It means less for them, so they throw out the concept of retaining tribal members within the tribe. The importance of tribal culture that they fought so hard to retain is simply discarded in favor of the almighty dollar.

In California, a well-known tribe excommunicated over a dozen members who could trace their roots and had been in the tribe their entire lives. This tribe went back several generations to question whether an ancestor was entitled to membership back then. Because they are a sovereign nation, they could decide who was a member and who wasn't. They chose to disenfranchise and de-legitimize people who had been tribal members since birth. These Native Americans were good enough to be considered tribal members until there was money from tribal gaming to be split.

Tribal traditions, culture, and heritage are being polluted by power and money. Doesn't everyone deserve the same opportunity to decide what's best for their child? I think we're dealing with human rights here as much as we are sovereign nations. Does the tribe trump basic human rights? I've had Native American women tell me that they absolutely don't want their child to be raised on the reservation, as alcoholism is so prevalent. Yet, if a woman belongs to a certain tribe, they will decide for her where the baby goes. Shouldn't that be her call? There is only a baby because SHE chose to carry it. Could this possibly contribute to a woman's decision to have an abortion? I believe so. I wonder how many Native American babies lost their lives because of this very issue. I think ICWA was enacted for good reason, but circumstances aren't the same in current times. I think that today ICWA is no longer viable and the issue of Native American Indians and adoption should be revisited. It's time to give every woman the right to choose a home for her child. We certainly give women choices that carry much more dire consequences for both mother and child.

UPDATES

Please say a prayer for Katie's son Dakota who sustained an injury while riding his bike and is currently in surgery at Children's in Pittsburgh. We found out today that the new baby due in a few months is a girl, so Dakota will have a new little sister before long. Get well soon, Dakota.

Welcome baby Anjelessa Jo, born this morning in Minnesota. Happy Birthday! Congratulations to Sherry and Bob, who are currently bonding blissfully with their newborn daughter. Birth mom is doing well and is happy with her choice.

Zamo, the baby who was bitten by a snake, will have to be treated for another three months and will have one more surgery before she can go home. There was a little setback with scar contractures, but she's a trooper and will eventually be ready to go home to Swaziland. Dr. Sean Bush (Venom E.R.), who has been treating her, has arranged for her to stay with a family in Southern California, but they are still in need of donations to defray the costs of the additional physical therapy and the extra three month stay. If you wish to donate, Loma Linda University Medical Center will accept donations on their behalf and it is tax-deductible.

We are currently looking for a family for 10 and 11 year old siblings. They are a Caucasian boy and girl, who have been living with grandparents for most of their lives. The grandparents are in poor health and fear that they won't be around to raise the kids and are looking for a good home for them. This is a difficult situation, as children this age are very aware of everything and won't necessarily adapt to having new "parents". They are healthy and don't have any apparent issues, but it will take a lot of love and patience for these kids to be absorbed into a family. If you know anyone who is the right candidate to adopt these children, please put them in touch.

Please remember that with our current economy and housing situation, people are abandoning pets in record numbers. If you want a new dog or cat, please be sure to go to the local animal shelter and also to support them if you can. Some shelters have needs that are easy to fill (newspapers are a welcome donation for most shelters). Donations of dry pet food are also welcome. It may mean that they can keep pets alive longer to allow for adoption. Pets need adoption too!

For a wonderful way to announce a birth or give a special personalized gift for any occasion (like the best carmel apples you'll ever eat!), nannyssugarcookies.com. is the place. Look under baby shower and you'll see all kinds of baby ideas and birth announcement options. Nannette will also do something custom for you by request. It's a yummy way to say thanks or congratulations.

Bittersweet

Today is my son's 24th birthday. Happy Birthday, Ryan! His sister, Erin, will be 21 at the end of the Summer. The last of the Mohecans, Dylan, is 15 and I had to go to the high school this morning to pick up his registration packet. On the way back to my car, I stopped to view the Veteran's Memorial Wall at the school. I was stunned to see a number of my daughter's classmates from 2003 on the wall. They have given their lives in Iraq and Afganistan.

Many of us have experienced pregnancy and infant losses, especially in the adoption field. We somehow survive the grief and go on. However, as a mother, I can't even comprehend spending a lifetime sacrificing for and nurturing a child...only to have them taken from this earth in a heartbeat. That might be more than I could bear. In that moment, looking at the names on the memorial, I thought about the Moms. Dads too, but I think I resonated with the Moms. What must life be like after losing a child you've just finished raising? I never want to know the answer to that question. I can't imagine the sense of futility and loss. I hope they can find some peace and a way to cope. I pray for their serenity.

None of us imagined just a few short years ago that many of the kids we saw at the local high schools would fight and die for their country. I have the utmost respect for the military -- my Dad was a proud Marine -- but I truly hope our troops will all come home soon. We can't afford to lose any more of our children.

News

For those of you who have been following the story of Zamo, the little girl from Swaziland who was brought to California by Dr. Sean Bush for surgery to treat a snakebite, I have an update. Zamo was to head home yesterday, but her trip was delayed due to some contractures of her new skin and she is going to need some additional treatment. She was limping and it was determined that there needs to be some physical therapy to stretch her new skin. So, she will be here a little longer. The bad news is, all of the funds that were provided by the drug company that provided money for her surgery have been exhausted. We're not yet sure how much physical therapy she will need, but it will likely be costly, so be sure if you need a tax write off this year to donate in her name to Loma Linda (previous blog article).

Congratulations to Katie and Dale on your recent match! You guys have my vote for parents of the year. After all those boys, I'm going to "think pink". You have a lovely family and the patience of saints! I don't know what you put in your cereal, Katie, but we all need some! Share your secrets. You amaze me!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers. Baby Austin is doing much better and recovering from his pneumonia. He's growing like crazy and making progress.

Thanks also to those of you who e-mailed me in support of the boycott of the movie, "Orphan". I hope the efforts of adoptive families around the country will convey a message to the media that adoption isn't a horror or a joke. Perhaps someone will tell a true adoption story which is real and heartwarming. I know where they can find quite a few!

Reminder: Our office is closed on Wednesdays for paperwork and projects. I do know I haven't produced a newsletter in a while and I am working on it, but it's slow going and my days run into nights very quickly. I'll get everyone a newsletter as soon as possible. For those of you asking, I'm glad you enjoy it and it's on the way soon!

Our waits have been a little longer than usual lately and I know families don't want to hear that, but it is the reality of our world today. Lots of factors contribute to this -- the lowest birth rate since the great depression -- the highest abortion rate in many years -- fewer birth parents who are harder to find. I think we have to find a way to educate people before they get to the abortion clinic. Not everyone is aware that there can be a happy ending to an unplanned pregnancy. I am doing what I can to let young women know that there are options. If anyone has any ideas about how we can get the word out to potential birth parents that there are loving families waiting for any baby, perhaps a few abortions would be unnecessary.

Happy Birthday to my BFF Laura on July 30! Do something fun because next year you'll be on the dark side of the century!! Where are those black balloons?

Boycott Warner Bros Film "Orphan"

For the sake of sensationalistic headlines and the promise of making money, Warner Brothers has really crossed the line. A horror movie to be released on July 24, 2009, entitled "Orphan" is about to set adoption back a few decades. Those of us in the adoption community are, indeed, horrified. There is such a negative spin placed on adoption that there is concern that many children awaiting families worldwide will not be adopted because of the message portrayed in this film. I viewed the trailer and it is not surprising that it prompted outrage from adoption advocates around the country, adoptive families, and those involved in children's services.

While "Orphan" is a "make-believe" story, it's messages will have an impact on many. There is a line in the movie in which the "orphan", Esther states "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own". Imagine how that would make an adopted child (or adult) feel. The basic plot is one of violence and rage and the movie is rated "R for disturbing violent content, some sexuality, and language". It's not surprising that a major movie studio would make a movie with hapless disregard for the children it will most certainly affect, but it has the potential to offend even those who aren't involved in adoption. With the controversy and public discussion of the topic which will most certainly emerge, how do you explain this view of adoption to a child? How do you keep other children from taunting a child who is adopted with the poison message they are being allowed to absorb? Where are Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Sharon Stone, Tom Cruise, Madonna, and other famous adoptive parents when we need them? Where do they weigh in on this? I'd like to know.

There has been a call for a boycott of the movie, which I support. Most major adoption organizations are in agreement and in a letter from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute, it is noted that "We are concerned that in addition to its intended entertainment value, this film will have the unintended effect of skewing public opinion against children awaiting families in both the United States and abroad". This is a caustic, unnecessary film which promotes an extremely negative stereotype of adoptees and could cause some serious distress to children who have been or desire to be adopted. It's not enough for Warner Brothers to apologize. We all need to boycott Warner Brothers and this movie in particular. Adoptive parents, adoptees, agencies, attorneys, and anyone who knows or loves someone who has been touched by adoption needs to call, write and e-mail Warner Brothers and flood your local newspapers with letters to the editor. This movie is to be released July 24. Let your local movie theatre know you will boycott them as well. Here is how you can reach Warner Brothers;

Chairman & CEO, Barry M. Meyer
President and COO, Alan F. Horn
Warner Brothers Entertainment, Inc.
4000 Warner Blvd.
Burbank, CA 91522
818-562-3062

Cast: Peter Sarsgaard, Vera Farmiga, Isabelle Fuhrman, Lorry Ayers.

It's very difficult to find an e-mail address for anyone at Warner Brothers (Is this surprising?), so I would appreciate hearing from anyone who finds one. I am outraged by the insensitivity of everyone involved in this film. I guess it's true. Money talks. Don't spend your money on this movie.

Announcements

Please say a little prayer for baby Austin, who has been suffering from pneumonia. That's a very scary thing for his parents, Rick and Allison. He is under medical supervision and they are hoping he won't have to be hospitalized.

Congratulations to Bob and Sherry on their recent birth mother match.

Congratulations to Jenny on the adoption of Nicholas Raymond, born 7-10-09, and welcomed home today by big sister, Lauren.

Congratulations to Keith and Kristin on the finalization of Kylie's adoption next week! It's been a long journey, but she's yours!

Thank you to Barbara and Amy for visiting with me in Pittsburgh with their little angels, Hailey Rose and Michael. I didn't have to navigate the streets of Pittsburgh because Amy insisted I follow her everywhere. What a sweetie! I was able to meet with a few families and that was really enjoyable. For those families I didn't get a chance to meet and visit with, I will be back to Pittsburgh in September or October and my schedule will be more flexible. I look forward to seeing you then!

Thanks also to Joseph. You make my life and my work a little less stressful.

Update on Zamo

Last week, Zamo had successful grafting on the skin of her leg and foot. She's walking and doing well! She is even going up and down stairs now. Zamo will be returning to her native Swaziland next week, on July 20. She will have to keep her foot covered so that it will heal without exposure to the sun. For someone used to walking around barefoot, I'm sure socks and shoes feel a bit confining, but she's doing very well.

I am hoping to be able to assist Dr. Bush in getting some donations for Anti-venom for the part of Swaziland where Zamo lives. There are many remote villages that have no medical personnel, clinics, or doctors nearby. In the hours it can take to get someone to a hospital, they can easily die. With anti-venom available, there is the ability to buy time and save lives. Since many of these lives are children, I think it's important that we help where we can. Anti-venom costs $100.00 per vial for the type of serum needed for that area. It comes 10 vials to a case. I am hoping that by Christmas, we can send at least one case, and then go on from there.

Our local Rotary has given some gifts to Zamo, although she still needs some shoes and personal items so that she can keep her foot and leg clean while it heals. If anyone wants to help, please send me a note and I'll make sure we can get what is needed before Zamo goes home. Otherwise, we're going to start working on the anti-venom. It is tax-deductible through Loma Linda University Medical Center's non-profit status.

I'm thinking some of our adoptive families will have children's clothing and shoes to donate. We should be able to ship some things for Zamo's village later, so if you have any items you don't need that would benefit a child, please let me know.

Dr. Sean Bush and his wife A'me are the angels who have really assisted Zamo and her mother so that they could get the necessary care needed for her foot. I'm not sure how they moved the mountains to get her here, and I know it was a great undertaking, but through their efforts, they are sending a healthy little girl home. She didn't lose her foot or her life. I am humbled at the efforts made on her behalf and I hope we can all show them that there are lots of angels in the world. If we all do just a little, we can accomplish a whole lot!

My adoptive families and friends rock!

Zamo Needs Us

Some would call me a community activist. I'm involved in several service organizations, one being Rotary. I'm also a frequent flyer in the letters to the editor section of our local newspaper. I like to know what's going on and I definitely have an opinion about it! I keep my eye out for projects that are related to kids in particular. Recently, our Rotary Club hosted a guest speaker, Dr. Sean Bush. Some of you may know him from his documentary series "Venom E.R.". Dr. Bush is a venomologist. He lives here locally and works at Loma Linda University Medical Center. He is one of a rare breed of docs who take care of the victims of snake bites, spider bites, and anything related to venom. In the Pacific Southwest, as well as many other parts of the U.S., we have a fair amount of venomous snakes. Kids are particularly vulnerable, not only because of their size (closer to the ground), but also because many children are fearless and don't realize the danger snakes pose. The venom also affects them more acutely. Dr. Bush's own two year old son was the victim of a rattlesnake bite, so it can happen to anyone.

As an evenomation expert, Dr. Bush travels around the globe studying and helping snake bite victims. As part of a project to film the dangers of snake bites, Dr. Bush traveled with a film crew and team to Swaziland, a tiny country nestled in South Africa. In remote villages in this region, there is very little anti-venom (if any) and hospitals are almost non-existent. Many people, including children, are bitten by venomous snakes there while they are sleeping. Their homes are typically not very secure and are very small shanties with holes throughout, so the snakes come in at night looking for food.

Zamo is a sweet two-year-old girl who was sleeping when she was bitten on the foot by a poisonous snake that had entered her shelter at night. There was very little help for her as her foot swelled up and the venom traveled through her veins. The skin and muscle tissue on her foot began to slough off, leaving her bones and tendons exposed from the lower part of her shin down to her toes. She was unable to walk and her foot began to turn outward. It's hard to imagine the pain she must have endured in the days after the snake bite. She had to endure a great deal.

When Dr. Bush saw her and began treatment, he realized that it wouldn't be possible to provide the the type and scope of help Zamo needed there in Africa. She needed to be in a place with advanced medical equipment, a support team of surgeons, and the appropriate medications to help her in the best way possible. Dr. Bush managed to get through the diplomatic red tape and was able to have her flown from Swaziland (a 24 hour process) to California to Loma Linda University Medical Center, here in the Inland Empire, where treatment has helped her a great deal. Her wounds were cleaned and prepped and she is currently undergoing a series of skin grafts to enable her skin to re-grow. She has had and will need additional physical therapy. Her foot has been saved. Seeing the wound, I marvel at the fact that all of her toes were able to be spared. Zamo is going to be okay, if somewhat scarred. The amount of treatment and the medical costs are no doubt staggering.

In the meantime, through all of the treatment, Zamo and her mother are staying at the Ronald McDonald House in Loma Linda. She has spent a great deal of time at Dr. Bush's home as well. He is obviously a very dedicated doctor, and is committed to making a difference in the life of this child, and others. I am hoping to find ways to assist Dr. Bush in the non-medical care of Zamo and the children who will follow in her footsteps.

The current economy isn't very forgiving and many people don't have as much to donate to charitable causes as they would like, myself included. But we can all make a difference if we each do a little and combine it. I'd like to send Zamo and Dr. Bush some help. She and the other children who are and will be facing these types of medical emergencies need everything from the basic necessities to donations for food and shipping, as well as interpreters. This all comes at a cost. If you need tax deductions this year for charitable gifts, or if you just want to help a little girl regain the use of her foot, please take a look at a few of the sites listed below.

http://lomalindahealth.org/medical-center/our-services/emergency/programs-and-divisions/venom-er/our-doctors/index.html

http://www.llu.edu/news/newsstory.html?id=1578


Here are the ways we can help:

Donations may be sent to Loma Linda via;

L.L.U.C.H. Foundation
11175 Mountain View Ave.
Loma Linda, CA 92354

Attention: Mindy 909-558-3154

Please indicate on your check: Snakebite Victims/Dr. Sean Bush, from ALOL Families

Another way to help is to send contributions to:

Ronald McDonald House
11365 Anderson St.
Loma Linda, CA 92354
909-558-8300

Gifts appreciated include cash donations, gift cards for restaurants (check with Ronald McDonald House), gift cards for places like Wal-Mart and Target where clothing can be purchased, and new children's toys and books. If you can just do a small amount on a gift card or want to assist in purchasing a gift card, let me know and I can combine several gifts to purchase a gift card. We can make a difference.

I hope to set up a fund for snake bite kits which include anti-venom and can be sent to some of these remote areas where they have no hospitals and certainly no venomologists available to help. Anyone who has resources for any of these options should contact me. I know many of you would be happy to donate outgrown children's clothing and I may take you up on that if I can find a way to get everything shipped to Swaziland.

Please forward this information to as many friends and relatives as you can so that we can get the word out. Dr. Bush was able to provide a picture of Zamo and if a picture says a thousand words, then you understand that this child and others like her go through an incredible amount of pain and anguish. We can help.

Dr. Bush is doing his part and I'm hoping we can pitch in and help so that kids in forgotten parts of the world will have a chance to recover from snake bites. They deserve the same chances as children born in areas quick to provide medical care. I'm counting on my wonderful adoptive families and readers of my blog and newsletter to come through. As a group, we can change the lives of some children and perhaps even save some.

Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. My own father passed away 23 years ago, but he was a great Dad and I hope he is having a blessed Father's Day in Heaven. I was thinking about Father's Day and adoptive dads and someone special came to mind. His name is Gary. He and his wife adopted two children a few years back. Of course they were thrilled to adopt and Gary bonded very quickly to the kids. All that was good.

We all know that life happens. Circumstances change and our lives change in ways that are sometimes beyond our control. In Gary's case, he never thought he'd be a single parent, but he is. Divorce can happen to adoptive parents too. I think sometimes the stress of infertility and the procedures that come with it can really take it's toll on families. That stress can blindside even those who think they have it under control. Gary works by day and takes care of his children each morning and evening. He brushes hair, teaches manners, helps with dressing, does bath time, dinner, and reads stories. He instills values and takes them to church. He does everything two parents do. Single Moms know this drill well, but not too many Dads take on the task of raising children alone. When they do it voluntarily, it's special and (I think)worthy of recognition. I don't believe I am at all sexist, but I think it's different and perhaps more of a challenge for men to be single parents than it is for women. As women, we are natural multi-taskers. We cook dinner and do laundry at the same time, while juggling a baby on one hip and helping another child with homework. We can answer the phone if it rings while we're doing all of this! So, when a man takes on the job of raising children alone, it's commendable.

I had a very special Dad and I often think of the sacrifices he made for us. I think Gary is one of those special Dads whose children will always remember that he is there for them no matter what. It's heartwarming to see a man step up to the plate like that. It has been said that "A man is never taller than when he stoops down to help a child". Gary is that man. I thought of him today. Happy Father's Day, Gary. Happy Father's Day to all Dads, Step-Dads, Grand-Dads, and those who step in for Dads. Have a great day!

The Circle of Life

It's been a year now since Suzi lost her husband, Jeff. Death is non-discriminatory and you never expect it, even when you know it's coming. It's always a shock. Jeff and Suzi adopted two children with A Labor of Love. They are both beautiful girls and they have struggled with the loss of their father as well. They are almost 8 and 12. They are, like typical kids, involved in many activities. They keep Suzi on her toes running them to dance class, brownies, piano and swimming lessons, and 4H club. That part is good, because it likely keeps Suzi busy and focused on that a good portion of the time. It makes me sad that Jeff, after going through the adoption process with his wife, and having been blessed by his girls, was not able to be here longer to enjoy watching them grow and blossom. Suzi misses him terribly, but is putting one foot in front of the other for the girls.

Before that, another of our families lost a husband and father. Brent was a reservist who was called up unexpectedly to go to Iraq. He did his duty and, while working, was killed by a roadside bomb. His wife, Marilyn, and young son were left behind to mourn his death and to try to move forward. Brent and Marilyn had been waiting to adopt. Sometimes our lives take a turn we didn't plan on and we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory wondering how we got there. None of us know where we will be or what we'll be doing five years from now (or if we'll even be here at all). We like to think we know, but really no one can predict what events will change our lives. When Mark and Karen adopted, they had no idea that Karen would be raising their child as a single Mom, or that adopting a child together would somehow make it a little easier for Karen to get up in the morning and do what she had to do. Over the years, probably a dozen of our adoptive parents have lost spouses. Kathy, an adoptive Mom of two, had moved with her husband Ron to a large ranch in the mid-west -- a great place to raise their kids. She couldn't know that she'd be running the ranch without Ron one day.

I like to believe that there is a lesson and a moral to every story. I guess the lesson here is that we just need to cherish every moment and enjoy each day we have with those we love and let them know how important they are to us, because we have a limited time together. The world as we know it tends to stop when someone we care about passes. And then, like Springtime, life tends to come full circle. A baby is born and the world seems meaningful and hopeful again. Babies have a way of doing that. They heal your heart. Have you ever seen an elderly person around a baby? Their eyes light up and they sparkle and they have a reason to be animated. Everything feels new again.

There is something magical about anything baby. A few years ago, when my daughter was younger, we went outside in the Summer and there were very tiny (and I mean tiny) praying mantis babies all over the sidewalk. My daughter was horrified by the thought that someone would step on them. She carefully and meticulously picked each one up and put it into the jasmine bush nearby. She was talking to them the whole time ("You can't go out in the street without looking -- don't you know that?" and "Stay on the bush where the big bugs can't see you!"). She spent a very long time gently picking up each little mantis (there were hundreds) and placing it in a safe place and then inspecting every inch of sidewalk and driveway around the area to be sure she had found them all. We've rescued puppies, kittens, and baby birds who fell from the nest. They always seem to be found in times of trouble and they always seem to make everyone smile. Such is the circle of life.

We are so saddened that Jeff and Brent, (as well as Mark, Ron, and all of our adoptive parents who have passed) couldn't stay with us longer. They were all great Dads who wanted very much to be here with their much-wanted children. As Father's day nears, our prayers will be with their families, who miss them every day. Their babies will carry on the circle of life.

Special Delivery -- Expect the Unexpected

Adoptive parents often ask me the question, "What will the hospital (or birth) experience be like for us?". I usually explain about what generally happens at the hospital, as well as during and after the delivery, so they will feel comfortable when they are at the hospital. It does vary from hospital to hospital, but the key is flexibility. I'm not sure any two birth experiences are the same. So, you should actually prepare to be unprepared and go with it. Recently, adoptive parents Rick and Allison were matched with a birth couple who had placed ALOLA before. They did all of the normal things...viewed the profiles, spoke with the adoptive couple, met with them, and then waited for the birth. This was baby number four for birth mom, so she hoped it would be a short labor. She had no idea how short.

She was sitting on her couch on Memorial Day Weekend when her water suddenly broke. That's not all that unusual...it's what came next that was a little out of the ordinary. As soon as her water broke, birth mom felt a whole lot of pressure and within a minute, the baby's headed actually popped out. She lowered herself to the floor and her husband and a neighbor lady began to assist her. No one panicked. They seemed to take it in stride. As they began to try to help deliver the baby, the birth father called 9-1-1. He calmly told the dispatcher what had happened and asked what he needed to do. Meanwhile, he noticed that the baby's umbilical cord was looped around the neck of the baby, and the baby couldn't be be delivered because the cord was holding him back. The dispatcher told him to try to "reduce" the cord, or pull it over the baby's head to free the baby to be born. It was then that they realized the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck not once, but twice. Even doctors can be challenged by this phenomenon and this type of situation makes even the professionals a bit nervous. The cord was wrapped too tightly. When they attempted to pull the cord over the head, the other loop would tighten around the neck. They soon realized that wasn't going to work.

The birth father asked the 9-1-1 operator what to do again. He was told, "Let me check and see what the manual says". Meanwhile, the baby is looking a little blue and is obviously not able to come all the way out. The birth father (hero of the day) then made a monumental decision (which would have horrified anyone who has medical knowledge in Labor and Delivery!). He whipped out his pocket knife and cut the cord (not so sterile, but quite effective). He crimped the cord with his finger, unwound it and the baby slipped right out. It's probably a good thing (knowing now that baby is fine) that the birth father had no idea how limited the time was to get the baby out once the cord was cut (no oxygen from the placenta at that point, and the baby can't take a first breath and continue to breathe with its chest compressed by the birth canal). Perhaps it was good that birth father didn't know that because he remained calm, delivered the baby, suctioned the mouth and baby boy Austin came into the world screaming.

So, when you ask me what happens in a delivery, I can tell you only one thing with certainty -- expect the unexpected, but be flexible enough to go with the flow. Don't set yourself up by imagining something that is unrealistic or may not happen. For example, you may want to be in the room for delivery (presumably at the hospital), but if something like this happens, you won't be there. Don't let that stop you from being happy about your child's birth. Go to the hospital knowing that you may or may not be able to witness the event. You may or may not be able to spend time with the baby at the hospital in a private setting. You may have to wait until you are home for that, although many hospitals will be considerate of your desire to bond with the infant and may offer a room. Remember that for a birth mother (or birth parents), the time in the hospital will be the only time they have to say hello (and goodbye), so they may cherish that time. They are not being inconsiderate and it doesn't mean that they have changed their minds -- it simply means that they know time is short and want that time with the baby. It's the only time they will have before you become the parents. They are certainly entitled to that. They will have those memories forever. In the case of Austin's birth parents...it will be quite a memory, and a story they will likely tell years from now. It makes you wonder about what this child is destined to do in this world. He was so impatient to be born, he was not about to wait. We'll be watching you, Austin!

NOTE: Austin joins big brother, Zachary. Maybe he's already feeling a little competitive and knows he'll have to work hard to catch up!

Always the Bridesmaid

You've heard the term, "Always the bridesmaid -- never the bride"? When adoptive families are presented to a birth mother for consideration, she tends to have an idea about what type of family she prefers. She may be looking for a family with children ("I want siblings for my child"), or she may ask for someone with no children ("I want my child to be special" or "I want him to get all of the attention"). She may prefer a specific religion, but be open to others. She may want someone close ("so we can meet before the birth") or someone far away ("I don't want to risk seeing the family out in public because it would be too emotional for me"). There may be considerations about race or other issues. We may have to consider gender. When a birth mother's preferences are known, we attempt to send her the profiles we have that most closely meet her criteria. For instance, if she has 5 preferences, then those things would be considered first. Let's say that we have only 4 families that meet all of the requested criteria. Then we will look at those who meet perhaps four of the criteria and send those as well. Perhaps there are five more families who fall into that category. They all meet different specifications, but have one or two variations, so they are all different. We will send her the 9 profiles and she may choose one that meets all of her requests. On the other hand, she may see one that comes close and find that she prefers them.

When a birth mom looks at profiles, she may instantly see who she would like as the adoptive parents. More often, she likes two or three different profiles and wants to investigate further, perhaps talking to the families, or starting with the first family, until she decides she's happy with her choice. We ask her to put her choices in numerical order and we have the first family speak to her. After that, she can decide to go on talking to families, or she may choose to stick with her first choice. That is a reasonable way to handle it, as she may not be comfortable talking with multiple families (she doesn't want to disappoint anyone) and she really just wants confirmation that her first choice is going to work for her.

When 6 to 10 profiles are sent to a birth mother, we don't know who she'll choose. We do know one thing. The ones who don't get chosen are going to feel rejected or second best. It's important to know that you're not being rejected when that happens. Most often, I hear from birth mothers, "They all look like great families and it's really hard to choose -- I like them all". However, it's only one baby, so she does have to choose one over the others. When a family is choice #2, it's very difficult for them. As an adoptive family, you have to realize that if you are being considered as number 2, that means your profile is good and you are presenting well and that it's only a matter of time before you are chosen.

We spend much of our time talking with adoptive families. It's hard to reassure a family who has been waiting and keeps getting chosen second. They feel like it's never going to happen. It will. When the right situation comes along, it will all click. If patience is a virtue, some of our adoptive families are not very virtuous! However, we do understand that the wait can be stressful and none of us want the wait to last longer than it has to.

One of the things that helps us the most is our adoptive families being understanding about the fact that we can't call each family once a birth mom makes a decision. Of course, if you can't sleep or are consumed with what happened, you can always call us for resolution. We will certainly call if the birth mother is interested in speaking to you or considers you one of her top choices. If we call each family to tell them what happened with each birth mother, we would spend our days on the phone just disseminating that information. When we speak with adoptive families about specific situations, the conversation generally lasts at least 10-15 minutes and possibly much longer. We do call and keep everyone informed of what is actually happening when you are involved or chosen. If you are not, it's not time well spent and it takes away from our birth mother outreach time.

As far as the whys, there can be many answers, none of which will change the outcome. Birth mothers choose a family for a lot of reasons, but there is one common denominator. They find a connection. That connection can be that the two families look similar, you share an interest (nascar, football, or dancing), or that you are in a career that she eventually wants to go into (something in common she can talk with you about). The thing to remember is that if she chooses a family other than yours, she has a connection with them. That connection will enable her to feel better about the match, which is one reason that we don't have a lot of failures. If someone is just matched based on the time they have waited or that they are "next up", then the birth parent isn't as likely to find that connection and would be more susceptible to changing her mind because she may not be confident in the family chosen. It's a complex set of circumstances that lead to a successful match. If she didn't choose you, it's better that she didn't, because there is another birth mother out there somewhere with whom you'll have that connection and that will be the glue that holds you all together. She won't want to consider anyone else, because she feels you are her best choice. That's when you start to understand the whys.

Don't despair if you are feeling like you're "always the bridesmaid and never the bride". Your time will come. I do understand. Just ask my fiance, Joseph. We've been together for ten years now. When the time is right, it will happen.

Bragging Rights

When our children are little, we find all kinds of things to brag about. We like to share the news when they make that first newborn smile, take their first baby steps, when they give up the bottle, learn to use the potty, recite their alphabet, learn how to ride a bike, or show a talent. Friends and co-workers nod and roll their eyes, knowing they will hear about each and every landmark or achievement. As children get older and leave their babyhood behind, we expect a little more from them and we tend to take it in stride when they do good things or accomplish goals. We almost expect it, so we're not so vocal about it. Maybe the newness of babyhood has worn off. My son is always telling me I don't praise him enough. He has the whole situation psychoanalized. I keep reminding him that you have to DO something to be praised for it. The dishes don't do themselves! I think he believes couch surfing is a real sport. How did we ever grow up without a remote control?

However, today my daughter, Erin, gave me something to praise her for and to brag about, if you'll indulge me. Erin is in her second year of college and no longer a little one, but once you have a baby, they are always your baby, no matter how old.

She was previously accepted to UNLV with the stipulation that she transfer with a 3.0 grade point average and she had to have 11 units this semester to qualify for a transfer. She took 14 just to be safe. She did a lot of studying and pored over the books and wrote essays and participated in many projects. She met friends for study groups and spent time on research. I complained a little because she didn't have a job this semester, but she kept telling me that school was about all she could handle. As she anxiously awaited her grades at the end of the semester, she second-guessed herself, even convincing herself that she may not pass her English Composition class. Writing isn't her strong suit (Go figure. She could have absorbed that by osmosis if she didn't get it genetically). Her English teacher didn't post grades most of the semester, so it was truly a guess on her part. However, when the grades were finally posted and the dust had settled, my little girl could hardly believe her eyes. She aced each course, and the finals and ended up with a 4.0 GPA. She scored more than 100% in two of her classes (she's a believer in extra credit). So, here I am bragging about my baby once more. I'm very proud of her. She'll be moving away to the dorms in Las Vegas in the Fall and I'm not sure how the mommy bird will do without her little chick. That will be two out of the nest. The third one could be trouble. He'll be far too comfortable with the nest all to himself. I may need a new couch.