Adoption, Abortion, and Elections

It's been a long time since I've blogged!  I guess I got out of the habit of writing something every week and perhaps had exhausted my range of topics.  The topic I am going to discuss today is going to be controversial, but I think it bears some thought, especially as to how it relates to adoption.  I hate politics, although I'm glued to the national conventions as if they were train wrecks...oh, they are!  Are we better off than we were four years ago?  I haven't met anyone who thinks so.  How has the past four years affected adoption?  President Obama is pro-abortion.  The number of abortions is way up.  That is one part of the equation.  Then there is the economy.  Women who previously would have tried to parent and then eventually decided on adoption as a better option are figuring out very early in the pregnancy that they won't be able to parent due to financial constraints.  It's so early that they can justify making a decision for abortion and they are, thus, aborting (in record numbers). Fewer babies, lower birth rate, higher abortions...well that all equates to less babies for adoption.

I know there are many women who don't want their abortion "rights" taken away.  Mitt Romney is pro-life and so is Paul Ryan.  That doesn't mean they will even be able to change the law, as congress has a say.  Just because they get elected doesn't mean that abortions will cease to exist in this country.  I'm not sure that will ever happen.  But it would be nice to limit them and it would be beneficial to women to understand better what is happening when a baby is aborted.  Planned Parenthood would call it "products of conception" or "pregnancy tissue".  They don't call it "pregnancy tissue" when it pops out screaming and wiggling.  "Products of conception" ARE babies.

I am not condemning women who choose abortion.  I think only God can do that.  However, I praise women who have the courage to deliver a baby that wasn't planned and place it in the arms of another woman who may have fertility issues.  That is a gift few people can give -- the gift of life.  I think that's a much more healthy (physically, emotionally, and medically) way to handle an unplanned pregnancy.  Just because a baby is a surprise doesn't mean the child isn't a blessing.  Please consider all this when you vote in this November's Presidential election.  There are hundreds of thousands of souls counting on you.

"Planned" Parenthood

I am always stunned by the notion that abortion is safe and that women are better for having the "right" to do it.  Abortion is detrimental to women in so many ways.  If a woman physically survives the abortion of her baby, she then has to live with the emotional scars it leaves.  Whether a woman is affected immediately or later on, when she has children and realizes that one of them has died at her hands, she suffers emotional trauma.  While a few men experience the trauma of losing a child, they don't ever have the guilt that comes from knowing they have actually done it themselves.  I've counseled women in the past who have stated that they can never forgive themselves after years of anxiety about going through with an abortion.  That is a heavy price to pay.

The Journal Lancet recently published a study on abortion and shared the following facts; Abortion rates are lower in Western Europe, where 12 of every 1,000 pregnancies are aborted, in contrast to the United States, where 19 of every 1,000 pregnancies are aborted.  Globally, the rate is 28 out of every 1,000 babies die of abortion.  Nearly 50,000 women a year die from complications of abortion.  That seems like an outrageous number until you realize that nearly 45 MILLION babies are aborted annually.  The fact is, there are no safe abortions.  Abortion risks the life of the mother and takes the life of a child.  Planned Parenthood talks about the "products of conception" or "pregnancy tissue", rather than using the term "baby" or "life", when in fact, there is a life in there.  There is a beating heart.  And recently, children as early as 24 weeks have survived with minor complications, when they could legally be aborted at that stage.  In my opinion, that is just disgusting.  I'm all about birth control and planned pregnancies.  But when that goes awry, a life is created and should be nurtured.  There is no shame in not being able to parent at any given time.  Turn a negative situation into a positive gift.  Give life, then give the gift of a lifetime to someone who really wants a family and has the ability to parent.

Choose Life

Bravo to Texas lawmakers who have approved legislation authorizing “choose life” license plates.  The plates will be sold to raise money to help pregnant mothers choose adoption over abortion.  While critics may say it puts lawmakers on one side of the argument, that has been the case for the other side for years.  I think anyone who is pro-choice should be glad that there is yet another choice and that choice may save a life.  Also in Texas, a bill requiring a woman seeking an abortion to view sonogram images of her fetus at least 24 hours prior to a planned abortion tentatively passed the state Senate in a vote of 21-10.  Informed consent is required in all surgeries, so why not abortion?  A woman should know exactly what she is aborting.  Planned Parenthood, the leading abortion provider in the country, doesn’t want her to see that her baby is not simply “pregnancy tissue” or “products of conception”.  A beating heart tells a different story.  Victims of rape and incest would not be required to view the sonogram if they opted not to.   Watch for Planned Parenthood to fight this bill with whatever means they can.  It can and will cut into their profits.

The Nebraska legislature is also taking some positive steps.  A bill sponsored by Sen. Beau McCoy would exclude abortion coverage from all private insurance policies sold in that state.  Those who wish to purchase abortion coverage would only be allowed to do so with an optional rider paid for solely by the insured.  Lawmakers in Kansas are moving to do the same thing.  It’s about time that taxpayers were taken off the hook for abortions that some of us don’t wish to fund.  Five states already prohibit abortion coverage in basic policies.  Those states are Missouri, Idaho, North Dakota, Oklahoma, and Kentucky.  The Hippocratic oath that doctors take requires them to swear that they will “do no harm”.  In the original Hippocratic oath, doctors were required to swear that “I will not give a woman a pessary to cause an abortion”.   It seems that some don’t take their oath very seriously, so legislation may be the only way to protect the unborn. 

Teen Pregnancy, Birth, and Motherhood

With the popularity of the newer reality shows on teen motherhood like MTV's 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom, some people believe that teen motherhood is being glamorized and that more teens will become pregnant.  Only time will tell if these programs will have an impact on teen pregnancy, but most states, including California, are reporting a reduction in teen births in their latest statistics (from 2009).  In California, the birth rate dropped to a new low, falling from 35.2 for every 1,000 teens in 2008 to 32.1 in 2009.  That is mirroring the national birth rate, which has continued to decline over the past two years, presumably due to the economy.  Our national birth rate is the lowest since the Great Depression, which is a significant statistic.  In addition, abortions are up.  With fewer pregnancies and more abortions, it necessarily follows that there are fewer adoptions. 

Interestingly, while the birth rate among Latino teens dropped more than other groups, the Latino birth rate is still the highest among all ethnicities in California.  At 50.8 per 1,000 Latino teens, Latino girls are at high risk for becoming pregnant as teens.

Teen motherhood is anything but glamorous.  There is a higher rate of abuse among teen mothers and there are many negative consequences to the children of young moms.  Typically fathers disappear or were never involved from the beginning.  Financial resources are few, and teen moms rarely get a chance to continue their education and go on to college.  Their own childhood cut short, they don't get to experience some of the rites of passage that their peers do -- from prom to date nights to sorority parties and meeting new and interesting friends at college.

Why then, do more teens not consider adoption?  I think peer pressure is the answer.  I have worked with teen moms who knew that they couldn't parent properly and wanted to go to college or into the military and they were harangued by their peers.  "What kind of mother are you?" or "How could  you give your baby away?" are some of the things said to young ladies I know who had made the best decision for their children.  "It's hard enough to give up your child without having to defend that decision", said Rachel, one of our former birth moms.  She was right.  If that was the right decision for her and she wasn't hurting anyone and her baby was going to a good home, why should anyone try to make her feel guilty for opting to give herself and her child a better future?  Teens can be vicious and judgmental.  The fact is, they don't see the big picture.  Not until they have tried to parent will they understand how difficult such an undertaking can be as a teen with no foundation or resources.  When a young mom opts to place her child for adoption, rather than aborting that child, she is taking a big risk that her peers will condemn her and she will be ostracized.  Why, then, is killing a child more acceptable?  Teens empathize with their peers who have undergone an abortion and they support them.  Yet, when adoption is discussed, they present a whole new attitude.  It's as if, once you have decided to give birth, you are expected to deal with the consequences.  It's almost a punishment.  If you choose adoption over abortion, you are somehow the bad guy.

Teens need to start supporting their peers and there needs to be more mentorship by others who have gone through adoption, parenting, and abortion.  I can tell you from counseling abortion survivors that it's no picnic.  There is guilt and remorse, and fear of retribution (by a higher power).  It is revisited once they have children later on and realize with full clarity just what has happened and that they can not bring that life back.  It's tragic when our society has become more tolerant of abortion than adoption.  There are unplanned pregnancies, but there are no unwanted children.  I have homes for them all.

Abortion Law - Oklahoma Gets it Right

Today Oklahoma's new anti-abortion law was temporarily blocked while it is reviewed for constitutionality. In my view, the law is a good one and will be allowed to stand. The Center for Reproductive Rights is arguing to have it struck down. It stands to cut into their profits as abortionists. The Oklahoma law seems to be the bridge that has been needed for a long time. While many people nation-wide are reluctant to completely disallow abortion in favor of maternal right to choose, this law allows the mother to choose, with a caveat.

Before undergoing an abortion, under this new law, a mother would have to have an ultrasound, see the beating heart, and hear about the stage of development of her child. She should know this before terminating a pregnancy. It's a medical fact and shouldn't we all be informed before any surgical procedure?

While this new law is among the strictest in the nation, it makes the most sense. In counseling women who were post-abortion, I have heard many times, "I had no idea what I had done until I got pregnant again. I didn't know that the heart was beating in the first trimester. I didn't know that the baby was fully formed. What did I do?". In abortion, there is as much psychological damage as physical damage -- sometimes more. So making sure that women know what they are doing seems prudent and is in keeping with the overall care of the mother.

When a woman undergoes any medical procedure, her physician is required to describe the procedure and the risks to her. Why should abortion be any different? It's different because given the information and viewing an ultrasound would likely change the minds of many who are considering abortion. This would put a big kink in the budgets of family planning clinics around the country. Some people couldn't afford the new cars and perks. Abortion is big business and big profit. It's less about womens rights and more about selling them the alternative -- an alternative that means some people get wealthy from others' mistakes. Planned Parenthood and The Center for Reproductive Rights have a lot to lose. They're defending their way of life. Now there is an irony.

Adoption Issues - We're All Pro-choice

Someone pointed out to me today that we're all pro-choice. Some of us are pro-life and some are pro-death, but we're all pro-choice. We each want our own choice. I worked in Labor & Delivery for seven years. For two of those years, I was a neonatal bereavement counselor. It was my job to go into a delivery room where a woman was either going to give birth to a deceased baby, one that would most certainly expire, or had already expired. It was my job to gently take the baby, give the baby a bath, take footprints and hand prints -- as tiny as they might have been. It was my job to photograph the baby in perspective -- next to a flower or a small reminder of how little that baby was. Then, I would dress the baby in something nice -- often doll clothes since preemies are sometimes no larger than the palm of your hand. The child would then be wrapped lovingly in a baby blanket and presented to the parents, so they could hold, be with, and grieve the loss of their baby. To say it was heart-wrenching is an understatement. I grieved my own losses, particularly my son Cody, who was also born deceased and very premature. I sat with Moms, Dads, Grandparents, and siblings and cried right along with them. So very precious was this life they lost. Anyone who has gone through such a trauma is pro-life. The death of a baby is such a devastating loss. A life unlived. It's so unnatural to be witness to an angel taking flight.

It's interesting that a baby born at 25 or 26 weeks can, with support and care, grow up to live a normal life. And yet, in many states, it is legal to abort a child of that gestational age. If you read the book "Gianna", it will give you insight as to what happens to babies when they are aborted. Gianna is a woman who was actually aborted, and lived to tell about it. After being burned by saline and forced from the uterus, she came out crying. The doctor put her aside, assuming she would die. When she didn't die after an hour, she was finally taken reluctantly to a hospital. She was burned by the saline abortion and because of the trauma and forced prematurity, she suffered cerebral palsy. She was adopted and has lived as full a life as one can with cerebral palsy. She is sharp as a tack. She wrote a book. How can anyone advocate for the right to hurt a child? I've known people in the past who would save a puppy or rescue a kitten and would criticize someone for dumping a litter off the side of the road to die. And yet they advocated for abortion.

If you drink and drive and you run into someone who is pregnant and you kill their unborn child, case law indicates that you can be held accountable for manslaughter and even second degree murder. Yet, if that very same woman continues on down the road to an abortion clinic and allows the life of her child to be taken, we are told, "It's a choice". Not much of a choice for the baby. We have double standards.
Why is it that the very same baby can be viewed as a precious family member and as an expendable nuisance depending upon circumstances? Who should get to play God?

So, when all of this debate in Congress centers around tax dollars (mine and yours) being allocated for abortion at will (which is what the law reads, despite what is being sold to us as a Presidential over-ride), I have to object. I spent too much time comforting those who lost the opportunity to parent. There are too many more who want to parent the unborn who may be, at a cost to us, discarded and thrown in the trash. It's tragic, it's senseless, and it's costing us so much - financially, emotionally, and spiritually. It's like the bumper sticker that says, "Abortion - One dead, one wounded". The mother doesn't walk away unscathed. Often I talk to women who are now considering adoption because they have aborted before and can't reconcile that with their conscience. A woman once told me, "I will never be able to forgive myself and I hate myself for what I did". Post-abortion, women look down at the babies they have and they think to themselves, "That was one of them. What did I do?". Some have a very hard time forgiving themselves. Abortion providers are so quick to identify the problem as "pregnancy tissue" or "products of conception" -- very sterile terms for a beating heart, don't you think? As Americans, we can't claim to the rest of the world to be humanitarians if we are killing our own babies. Yes, that sounds harsh, but isn't that what is happening? There will always be exceptions to every rule, but those should be offered by physicians trying to save a life that may be in the balance. Outside of that, there are better options.

Congressman Bart Stupak sold out. Supposedly a vehement pro-lifer, his vote was the tipping point. I wonder what he was promised by our President in order to get him to reverse his stance, compromise his ethics, and vote for a bill that states abortion should be available to those who want it and should be covered by health care insurance paid for by taxpayers? Back door deals and dirty politics are now the norm. How did we get to the point in this country where the votes of the congressmen who are supposed to be representing the people are bought and sold? And at what price? Very simply - the price of a life. No, make that millions of lives. Innocent lives.

I have seen and attended many births. I have worked in a newborn nursery. I have been present in adoption situations for support during delivery. I've never seen a baby and felt "That one should have been aborted". Not once. Not every baby is what you may consider "perfect". But what I have found is that every baby is perfect for someone. I will never support having my tax dollars or my business' tax dollars go for abortion at will. The fact that this is "the law of the land" -- my land -- is sickening to me. I would love to be able to support our President, but I can't. Mr. Obama claims to be Christian, but supports the right to choose death and wants me to pay for it. I find that hypocritical and offensive. How is that my choice?

Adoption Issues - Minority Births Trending Upward

Demographics play a big part in adoption. For instance, when we are doing ad placements, we look for areas of lower income because that's where the need for adoption starts. In the current economy, it's not hard to imagine people struggling to support the kids they have, especially with the level of unemployment. So, when an unexpected pregnancy occurs, the options range from parenting to abortion to adoption. If parenting isn't an option due to finances or other reasons, then there is only abortion or adoption. The down sides to abortion are many, from medical complications to the psychological toll it takes on the mother and those around her. Many couples have split up because of abortions. It starts with the stress and ends in a blame game. With adoption, while there is still some grieving, there can be a positive outcome. Giving a baby life is no small miracle.

Demographics also play a big part in the choices adoptive couples make. Some families adopt to complete their family. Those families typically want a child that looks like them and fits nicely into the family. Other families want to save a child. They go to China or Guatemala or adopt a minority baby from the U.S. In a historic trend, minority children are being born at a greater rate than Caucasian infants. In 2008, the most recent figures available, "minority" babies made up 48% of all the births in the U.S. These figures have gone up consistently over the past 40 years. With the upcoming census, we'll likely learn that the minority has become the majority with over 50% of national births occurring to Latino/Hispanic and African-American women. While the rate of minority births has increased so dramatically, the rate of births among Caucasian women is the lowest it has been since the Great Depression. While that seems astounding, we all know what happened at the end of the Great Depression -- The Baby Boom!

What does this mean in the scope of adoption? As an adoption professional, I find that families waiting for Caucasian infants are waiting longer on average than they have in the past. Those who are open to children of minority races tend to have more options and, on average, wait a shorter time. Averages being averages, there are always people on either end of the spectrum. Those waiting 18 months are not going to understand why someone else gets chosen in three. Many factors play a part in that from race to common interest or even similarities. The common denominator in all of them is that the birth mother makes the choices. An adoption professional gives choices, but doesn't make the choice for the birth mother. So, while families wait, they don't get chosen in order. The positive aspect of that is that when a family is chosen by a birth mother, she's choosing them for a reason and that reason is what bonds her to them more closely than if she were just told "This is the family who will adopt your baby". The failure rate of placements goes down as the birth mother's choices go up.

In adoption, there are a preponderance of families waiting for Caucasian infants. And now, there is a preponderance of minority babies. So that leaves people waiting and that's never easy. As an adoption professional, it makes my job tougher because you can't please all the people all the time. As much as we try, the tools we are given are "mismatched". I would never advise someone to adopt a baby of another race unless they were fully prepared to do so. Perhaps your adoption journey brings you full circle and you feel like you can open up to other races. Perhaps not. I believe that when a child can be placed with families that include their own race, or at least exposed to others of their race on a regular basis, that's helpful for their sense of belonging and familial culture. However, trans-racial adoption can be a beautiful thing as well. The more open to different ethnic backgrounds and races we are, the more potential matches we can make with birth parents and adoptive parents. Until the ratio of adoptable babies of any race is comparatively the same as the available adoptive parents of that race, there will be some families waiting longer than others.

Adoption Issues - The Economic Impact on Adoption

Over the 15 years I have been doing adoptions, private independent adoption has changed a great deal. Part of that may just be evolution, but the economy has played a huge part in changing the scope of domestic adoption. Many of us involved in adoptions believed that with a poor economy, we would have more adoptions. Birth mothers who were having trouble with finances would have to face some tough decisions with the economy getting worse and worse. On the contrary, what actually happened was that the birth rate went down and the abortion rate went up. While current statistics are showing an increase in teen pregnancy, not many teens actually place their babies for adoption. If they are not prepared to parent, their parents are typically young enough to help. Those who would be birth parents in a better economic time are simply opting not to get pregnant or to abort if they do. I think that someone who may have considered parenting and then realized that financially they couldn't do it, are not getting that far now. They know right up front that they can't do it financially (who can?), so they are more careful not to have an accidental pregnancy or they opt for the alternative. The actual birth rate today is at the lowest it has been since the great depression.

What does this mean? It means that independent private adoptions are slow everywhere. I just finished reading an article which detailed the closure of an adoption agency in England that had been in operation for 45 years. They just don't have the adoption rates that they used to have and they can't pay their bills or afford to stay in business. That has happened here too. Last year, some major adoption agencies closed their doors. One of them, Commonwealth Adoptions, had offices in multiple states and was a longstanding agency.

How has this impacted waiting families? Families are understandably distressed with the longer wait. Some are looking to multiple avenues, but are still hitting dead ends. All of our families will eventually adopt, but the waits are longer than they were in years past. That said, for every action there is an opposite -- a reaction. At some point, the economy will turn around, things will get back to normal and, if history is any indicator, we'll have a baby boom. (We're all waiting for that!)

One of the outcomes of this new economic situation is that women who never thought that they would place their children are facing such difficult financial times, they are placing older children. We have had a number of such placements over the past year and we are currently working on placing 3 year old twins. For those families waiting to adopt, some have opted to consider children older than newborn. There are many things to consider with older children that do not come into play with infants. More on older child adoption tomorrow...

China's Secret Adoption Trade

I am a proponent of adoption over abortion and, as you likely already know, I facilitate adoption on a daily basis. I receive a lot of calls about foreign adoption and while I have encouraged some to go that route, I have always felt that China was not the answer. China's one child policy has spawned moral and ethical dilemmas and the deaths of many Chinese girls. It is reported that within ten years, there will be such a shortage of Chinese women for the men to marry that they are already being encouraged to find foreign brides. In China, there is no social security. What that means is that in their old age, parents must be supported by their children. Traditionally the breadwinners were the boys and they also carried the family name. So with the policy being one child only, the preference was to have a boy, or suffer in your old age.

The government was known to crack down on people who had more than one child, particularly the farmers, who needed multiple children to help them with their farms. If someone disobeyed the law, they lost their jobs or their family members lost their jobs. In some cases, they were harassed and even had their homes destroyed. It was powerful motivation not to have girls. Because it is illegal in China to abandon a baby anywhere, families would leave them in quiet dark places like along farm roads or in dark alleys. Some were found. Many died.

In recent times, with ultrasounds available, sex selection is the norm. Girl babies are aborted. Before ultrasounds were available, a female child would simply be delivered and placed face down in a bucket of water to drown. The word "humanitarian" doesn't come to mind when I think of China. They kill their own.

Recently, a child trafficker who was released from prison gave his account of what goes on. Apparently orphanages in China pay hefty sums for baby girls because the foreign demand is so high. It's a for-profit venture selling Chinese baby girls. Ironically, with adoption there is more demand for girls at the rate of perhaps 8 out of 10 families who prefer a specific gender choosing females. That is a topic for another day. I encourage you to read this article yourself and come to your own conclusions:

http://www.wgntv.com/news/la-fg-china-adopt24-2010jan24,0,6173934.story?page=2&track=rss

China needs to clean up their act. However, until foreign countries stop adopting from China, there will be no incentive to do so. In the meantime, baby girls die and baby girls are kidnapped and sold to an orphanage and subsequently a family. Yes, they end up with a good life, but is it fair or moral to encourage the practice of taking them from families who love them and don't want to give them up? China may need a one child policy, but if they want to put those kinds of restrictions on families, they need to make a plan for the aged that doesn't involve having only boys. I could accept the one child rule for population control if everyone were to have whatever child God sent them -- boy or girl. Sterilization is a much more acceptable practice than abortion.

Americans have had the reputation of going anywhere on humanitarian missions to help out. We don't restrict our gifts to just our own country. We, and other nations, must put pressure on China to change their practices or we need to shut down all adoptions from China. We shouldn't adopt kidnapped babies and we shouldn't support abandonment of unwanted infants. If we continue to support the policies that cause harm to children, particularly girls, then we are as guilty as they are. China has no one to blame when they have no one for their sons to marry.

The Glamorization of Teen Motherhood

Often times potential adoptive parents assume that their birth mother will be a teen mom. They are surprised to learn that our average birth mom is 29 and already has two children. The teen pregnancy rate has risen since 2006 in the U.S. (in comparison to Canada, where teen pregnancy has dropped 38% since 1994). Shows on television and movies tend to glamorize teen pregnancy and in recent years there has been very little, if any, social pressure on teens to avoid pregnancy. The pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears of "Zoey 101" and the movie "Juno", as well as other popular celebrities have desensitized us to the down side of having a baby while still so young. Our new social norm is acceptance of teen pregnancy. In 2006, 441,832 babies were born to teen moms in the U.S. That is a staggering number. The fact is, most teen moms don't place their babies for adoption, they parent. MTV has chronicled teen pregnancy in a number of shows, including "16 and Pregnant". Their most recent reality show which showcases teens who are parents is entitled "Teen Mom". Some of the teens featured have expressed a desire to show other teens how difficult parenting is as a single teen. Typically, even those who have partners end up parenting alone after the stressors and demands of parenting cause the partners to fight and part ways. Statistics show that most teen relationships don't last, despite the intense feelings and passion.

While the teen pregnancy rate has gone up, so has the incidence of abortions. The adoption rate has gone down during the same period of time. Rather than interrupting their own teen years and their education with the responsibilities of parenthood and adult decisions, we should be promoting education to prevent pregnancy and, if it happens, adoption as an acceptable means to take responsibility for what has occurred. I would love to see adoption profiled on television, and normalized to the extent that teen pregnancy has been. While it's not good for any teen to have to experience childbirth and everything that goes with it, adoption can be a win-win-win situation, with the birth parents moving forward to their own goals, childless or infertile couples being given the opportunity to have a family, and most of all, the baby landing safely in a stable, secure place where all of their needs are met, without resentment and disrupted schedules, and with the love and devotion of, ideally, two parents who are ready to meet the day to day demands of a newborn. I am a single parent, and I am not saying that single parents can't parent well. They most definitely can. But even for those of us who do it, it's not ideal. So, we shouldn't, as a society, glamorize teen pregnancy. It's not easy and it's not fair to teen moms. I've heard parents of pregnant teens say things like "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it"...meaning that somehow going it alone is the punishment for getting pregnant in the first place. Parenting should not be a punishment. It is the hardest thing anyone will ever do, and to put that responsibility on a teen girl is asking way too much, even if she thinks it's what she wants. We need to teach our teens how to act responsibly and how to protect themselves and their education from going down a path that will be hard on them and their children. No decisions should be forced on anyone, but all options should be explored and offered. Let's not glamorize pregnancy and childbirth for children.

News

For those of you who have been following the story of Zamo, the little girl from Swaziland who was brought to California by Dr. Sean Bush for surgery to treat a snakebite, I have an update. Zamo was to head home yesterday, but her trip was delayed due to some contractures of her new skin and she is going to need some additional treatment. She was limping and it was determined that there needs to be some physical therapy to stretch her new skin. So, she will be here a little longer. The bad news is, all of the funds that were provided by the drug company that provided money for her surgery have been exhausted. We're not yet sure how much physical therapy she will need, but it will likely be costly, so be sure if you need a tax write off this year to donate in her name to Loma Linda (previous blog article).

Congratulations to Katie and Dale on your recent match! You guys have my vote for parents of the year. After all those boys, I'm going to "think pink". You have a lovely family and the patience of saints! I don't know what you put in your cereal, Katie, but we all need some! Share your secrets. You amaze me!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers. Baby Austin is doing much better and recovering from his pneumonia. He's growing like crazy and making progress.

Thanks also to those of you who e-mailed me in support of the boycott of the movie, "Orphan". I hope the efforts of adoptive families around the country will convey a message to the media that adoption isn't a horror or a joke. Perhaps someone will tell a true adoption story which is real and heartwarming. I know where they can find quite a few!

Reminder: Our office is closed on Wednesdays for paperwork and projects. I do know I haven't produced a newsletter in a while and I am working on it, but it's slow going and my days run into nights very quickly. I'll get everyone a newsletter as soon as possible. For those of you asking, I'm glad you enjoy it and it's on the way soon!

Our waits have been a little longer than usual lately and I know families don't want to hear that, but it is the reality of our world today. Lots of factors contribute to this -- the lowest birth rate since the great depression -- the highest abortion rate in many years -- fewer birth parents who are harder to find. I think we have to find a way to educate people before they get to the abortion clinic. Not everyone is aware that there can be a happy ending to an unplanned pregnancy. I am doing what I can to let young women know that there are options. If anyone has any ideas about how we can get the word out to potential birth parents that there are loving families waiting for any baby, perhaps a few abortions would be unnecessary.

Happy Birthday to my BFF Laura on July 30! Do something fun because next year you'll be on the dark side of the century!! Where are those black balloons?

The Difference You Can Make

The Associated Press reported an interesting fact today. Apparently, just before the current recession reared it's ugly head, the national birth rate went down. There has been a steep decline in the number of children under one year of age. Apparently, people do pay attention to their economic situation when planning a family. Of course, that translates into fewer children being placed for adoption, since fewer are born. Other disturbing reports indicate that the national abortion rate has increased dramatically. In his commencement speech to Notre Dame graduates, President Obama stated that "We need to make adoption more available". Please exercise your American right and write to Mr. Obama to tell him to put his money where his mouth is. Instead of funding more abortions, let's help fund adoptions and put some of that money into programs for single mothers, so that these children won't need to be aborted. I am reminded of the starfish story...where a little boy is walking along the shore throwing starfish back into the water before they dry up and die. A man approaches and says, "Why are you doing that? You see how many starfish there are? You can't possibly make a difference." The little boy bent down and picked up a starfish and flung it far out into the ocean. He smiled at the man and said, "Made a difference to that one!". We can all make a difference, as small and insignificant as we are -- but we have to make an effort, even a little one. Write your congress people and write Mr. Obama. What if that effort saved even a single life? The life you save may be the child who will eventually be yours.

The Economics of Abortion

The Associated Press today reported that pregnant women are seeking abortions in record numbers. There's no secret as to why this is occurring -- our economy is affecting everyone. Some women who even desired and planned a pregnancy have reconsidered due to their current financial issues. A record number of abortions were performed by Planned Parenthood of Illinois clinics in January. There is no way to get up to date statistics on abortions throughout the nation, but many private and government agencies are reporting a significant increase in the abortions requested. I learned something new by reading this article. There is actually an organization called the National Network of Abortion Funds, which helps pay for abortions for women who can't afford them. Then there is the National Abortion Federation. Why don't we have something similar for adoption? It's interesting that people will donate to take a life, but not to save one. I'm not faulting women for feeling as if they can't handle additional responsibilities, financial and otherwise. I'm simply saying that there is no excuse for the fact that life is not valued as much as "choice". Shouldn't it be supported at least as much as abortion, if not more so? There should be funds to support both adoption and single parenthood when finances are the only issue standing in the way of life or death for an unborn child. Prior to that, assistance obtaining birth control would eliminate part of the problem.

Additionally, the economy is affecting those who want to plan a family. Fear of losing jobs or not having enough money to make it through the recession is causing people not to plan to have a child that they would have chosen to have. Those who have made the choice of life for their child may not have insurance to cover maternity benefits. There is so much money being spent on the abortion industry. What if all that money went to help women complete their pregnancies and get through the tough times or place their child for adoption should they have that desire? I'm praying for all of the lives lost. Who would they have been?

Tax-payer Funded Abortion

A report published November 25th by the Obama-Biden transition team entitled "Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration" details specific funding proposals for the future of sex education and abortion in America. Among the agencies and groups requesting enormous amounts of money from our government for abortion, contraception, and "reproductive rights" are a coalition of groups such as Planned Parenthood, Choice USA and the ACLU. These groups have submitted a 55 page document to the President with their "wish list". This bail-out includes $1 Billion in taxpayer funding for international family planning programs, $700 Million for Title X health clinics, and $65 Million for the UNFPA, an international organization which has been connected to forced abortion in China. It also seeks to repeal the Hyde Amendment, which will effectively increase taxpayer funding for abortions, including abortion coverage in any taxpayer subsidized national health care program. Americans will be paying for abortions on military bases, in the Peace Corps, and for prisoners.

I'm not sure where moral conscience comes in -- or if it does. Aside from that, the proponents of this document have lost touch with economic reality. In times when important programs, education, and jobs are being cut, why would our government spend more to pay for abortion, which is controversial to say the least? Personally, I would rather see my tax dollars going toward education so that abortion won't be an issue. I would rather see my tax dollars being spent on health care and pre-natal care for those who are pregnant, whether they want to parent or place their children for adoption. I don't want my tax dollars being spent to end a life -- any life.

Please write to your congressmen and women (I have) and let them know that you don't want your tax dollars spent on abortion and "family planning", especially in this economically challenging time, but rather on education and other worthwhile programs. These plans could easily be pushed through congress without the American public even knowing what they are paying for when they pay their taxes. If our representatives in congress get enough letters, they will bring this to the attention of the President. I'm not sure it will do any good in this pro-abortion administration, but if we know what is happening and we stand idly by and watch without intervention, then we are advocating the killing of innocents and we are contributing a portion of the money used to support such barbaric acts. If our efforts save a single life, then it will be worth the efforts. There are no unwanted babies. We have homes waiting for them. President Obama apparently doesn't know this.

Recommended Reading - "Gianna"

If you'd like to read a book that will open your eyes concerning abortion, take a look at "Gianna" by Jessica Shaver. It is the story of a child who was aborted -- and lived. There is a lot to be learned by this young woman's story. You can find it at your local bookstore or at www.barnesandnoble.com.

Election 2008 and the ever-present abortion debate

This November, there is more at stake than who should be our next President. In several states, there are life or death measures on the ballot. California voters will have a chance to make a difference with Proposition 4, which seeks to require notification of parents or guardians when unemancipated minors seek an abortion. My 14 year old son can't take an aspirin at school without parental permission. His girlfriend, however, can have a surgical procedure which includes anesthesia and significant blood loss. I can imagine a teenager going to get an abortion and not revealing (or not knowing) important past medical history, which could prove not only dangerous, but fatal. Presumably her parents would be notified if that happened. It seems ludicrous to me that I have control over whether my child can go to a movie or school dance, but I have no control over whether an abortion is performed on her. This measure is meant to protect young people and reduce the rate of abortion. I realize that most young people fear telling their parents about the fact that they have been sexually active. Some opponents of this initiative and others like it argue that these children are at risk from abusive parents if they tell them. My argument to that is to get them out of that abusive home. Let them tell a school counselor, teacher, trusted friend, or clergy person who could intervene and make sure that they are not at risk. We were all teenagers once and we likely all feared how parents would react if confronted with that very issue. The reality is that even though there would likely be some repercussions, most parents would get over the initial anger and support their children. Proposition 4 provides for judicial override of the notification requirement "based on clear and convincing evidence of the minor's maturity or best interests". Parents can also sign a Department of Health Services form authorizing an abortion without prior parental notice. No notice is required if a physician concludes that the abortion is necessary to save the minor's life. That would account for considerably less than 1% of the abortions requested by teens.

A few statistics to think about...

* The consequences of Roe v. Wade -- 48, 589,993 abortions. Of course, in the time it has taken you to read this blog article, the number has increased and continues to do so.

* Nearly half of all pregnancies among American women are unintended. 4 in 10 of those unplanned pregnancies are terminated by abortion.

* In the U.S. 22% of all pregnancies end in abortion.

* In 2005, the most recent year that statistics are readily available, 1.21 million abortions were performed in the U.S.

* At current rates, one-third of all American women will have had an abortion by the age of 45.

* The risk of death associated with abortion increases with the length of time the pregnancy has progressed. At under eight weeks, there is one death for every million abortions. There is one death per 29,000 procedures when the pregnancy is 16-20 weeks. At 21 or more weeks, there is one death per 11,000.

* Teens are more likely than older women to delay having an abortion until after 15 weeks of pregnancy, when the medical risks are significantly higher.

Some would argue that without legal abortion, more women would die due to seeking illegal abortions. The fact is that before the first legalized abortions, the death rate from back alley abortions had already dropped quite significantly. The reason? The availability of antibiotics to combat infection. Once Penicillin was readily available, the death rate when down. the U.S. Bureau of Vital Statistics reports that in 1972, the year BEFORE Roe v. Wade, there were only 39 women who died from illegal abortions. By comparison, there were 54 deaths from legal abortions when Roe v. Wade passed. In 1975, 87% of obstetricians and gynecologists in the U.S. had to hospitalize at least one patient due to complications of legal abortions.

The following are possible complications of abortion:

* Genital tract infection is a common occurrence (according to a report by Johns-Hopkins University in the American Journal of OB/GYN vol 128, no. 5, 1977)

* infection, hemorrhage, or uterine perforation, which can all result in death.

* pelvic abscess due to perforation of the uterus and sometimes the bowel, which can also result in death.

* infection of the uterus or fallopian tubes can do permanent damage. With infection, a fallopian tube can be sealed shut, causing future reproduction difficulties.

* uncontrolled bleeding, sometimes requiring blood transfusions and sometimes resulting in death. Approximately 16,000 women annually are transfused due to post-abortion complications. Viral hepatitis is transmitted in up to 10% of those cases. Ultimately, 32 deaths result annually from hepatitis transmitted during or after abortions. AIDS can also be transmitted, although screening for AIDS is much more thorough than previously.

* blood clots. While blood clots can also be the cause of death of mothers who deliver babies normally, they can also cause death in otherwise healthy women who have abortions.

* amniotic fluid embolism has "emerged as an important cause of death from legally induced abortion. Treatment is ineffective." (American Journal of OB/GYN, vol 41, 1981)

* disseminated intravascular coagulation. This is a sudden drop in blood clotting ability which can cause extensive internal bleeding and death. This can result from hyper-tonic saline abortions. (JAMA, vol 225., No.1, July 1973). In recent years, this has been used less commonly.

The statistics regarding deaths due to abortion are hazy because some deaths do not occur until weeks or months later and are the result of complications of the procedure. These cases are not always reported as being due to abortion. For example, if a perforated uterus leads to a pelvic abscess and sepsis (or blood poisoning), which leads to death, the official cause listed may list pelvic abscess and septicemia, rather than abortion. Death due to an ectopic pregnancy years later caused by scarring of the fallopian tubes would not be reported as a death due to abortion, even though the cause of the closed fallopian tubes was the abortion.

Depression and guilt following abortion has lead to suicide. While the actual cause was the abortion, the cause of death listed is suicide. It's impossible to calculate the actual death rates caused by abortion because of the length of time it takes for some of these deaths to occur. Because the death rate is under-reported, the statistics are actually much lower than the reality.

Women will die from pregnancy and abortion. For those who die from abortion, the numbers have drastically reduced in the years since antibiotics became more available. Now, the only difference is that more mothers are dying from legal, rather than illegal, abortions.

We'll talk about the motivation of the abortion mills in a future blog, but for now my message is simply this -- Our daughters are precious and the lives they could potentially carry are equally precious. I saw a bumper sticker once that said "Abortion: One dead, one wounded". It stuck with me because it's so true. I once did some lay counseling for an organization which provided a safe haven for women who experienced unplanned pregnancy. I recall one woman telling me, "After all these years I can't forgive myself for killing my first child". After having three children, she realized that the baby she aborted was, in fact, the same as any one of them. It is no longer taboo to be pregnant out of wedlock. It is no longer shameful to give birth if you are not married. In fact 45% of all babies born last year in the U.S. were born to single mothers. There is no longer any reason to hide in shame simply because of a pregnancy. There are better alternatives than the ones being presented to our children. I, for one, would feel that MY rights were violated if someone performed surgery on one of my children without me knowing about it. Consider these things when you go to the polls in November and vote to respect life.

The economics of adoption

With all of the talk about national economics and the current state of affairs in our country, families who adopt have to consider what it will cost to adopt. In addition, birth parents tend to place (in most cases) because of family economics. With so many families losing their homes, jobs in jeopardy, and an uncertain future, how are families financing adoption? First of all, adoption doesn't have to break the bank. While there are agencies who charge the price of a new Mercedes, they aren't the only option. Adoption can be affordable. Adoption can generally be done (for most families) for just a few thousand dollars out of pocket.

In some states, there is a state adoption credit. Missouri is a good example, allowing up to 5K to be refunded to MO residents who have completed an adoption. The Federal tax credit for adoption is now at $11,700.00 and may go up to 15K. Many large companies and a few small ones are offering adoption benefits as well. A lot of the time, you may have adoption benefits, but don't know until you contact your company. They may not publicize it simply because there aren't that many people in one company interested and so they expect that you will check if you want to access them. So, be sure to talk to your human resources and benefits people to find out. Even with all of those incentives and benefits available, the money for adoption -- home study fees, advertising fees, legal fees, etc. -- has to be expended when you are actually in the adoption process and then you recover the money later on after you have finalized. So, if you have to rob the piggy bank, at least you can return most of that to your savings at a later time.

If you don't have savings and are just trying to pull together enough to adopt, some of my clients have used some ingenious ways to fund their adoptions. One family got their whole family together and asked them to donate whatever they didn't want (a garage sale of sorts) to be posted on e-bay and sold toward the cost of their adoption. Their family and extended family got very excited about being able to help and they raised $7,000.00 toward their adoption goal! In another family, the man who would be grandpa wanted to help not only his daughter and her husband to adopt, but wanted to help himself become a "papa". He was a talented candy maker, so he made batches of his wonderful candy to sell at various functions and at Christmas and helped them fund their adoption. Can you imagine that story being told to his little granddaughter year after year at Christmas? It's truly a Christmas story in itself -- about how grandpa wanted his little granddaughter so much that he made sweets so he could have a sweetie! Another family held garage sales, opened an "adoption account" and told family members..."For our birthdays and Christmas, all we really want is a child, so if you feel that you want to give us something, contribute to our adoption savings". It wasn't long before they had enough to complete their adoption.

Last year and before, with interest rates going down, many families re-financed their home and took equity out. I'm not sure that would be feasible at this point, since most of us have lost a great deal of the equity previously stored in our homes. That will all come back at some point, but for now, refinancing may not be an option, although it's worth looking into. If you want to adopt, get creative and you can find a way to generate the funds. When we want something badly, we generally find a way to get it, so get creative and use your talents. I remember another family who made their own Christmas ornaments and sold them on line. If you are crafty, that is something that can be turned into adoption funds. Church communities have pulled together as well to help their own parishoners to adopt. In talking to your church, remind them that "it takes a village" and that adopted child will have more Godparents than they can count!

Birth parents generally place a baby for adoption because of the lack of funds to raise a child. It's becoming harder and harder, in the current economy, for two-income families to earn enough to raise a child, so it's no wonder that single moms are having a tougher time and may have to make decisions based on economics. The worse the economy gets, it would seem the more placements may happen. At least that is a reasonable assumption. Only time will tell if that is true, but I believe the more our economy slumps, the more difficult it will be for those who are living paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet, forcing some who have experienced an unplanned pregnancy to consider adoption. At least I hope they consider adoption before abortion. Even in these hard economic times, the birth of any child is still a blessing.

Politics and Pregnancy

I don't generally talk politics, since most political discussions are arguments waiting to happen. However, on the day that Sarah Palin, the woman who may be the next Vice-President, is set to talk at the Republican National Convention, I am making an exception. I, like many others in this country, didn't know much about Sarah Palin when John McCain named her as his running mate. I had read about her pregnancy and her child who has Down's Syndrome, and her winner-take-all politics in Alaska, but I confess to not having given her much of a thought. All that has changed now and I have been reading all I can about the woman who could be "a heartbeat away" from the Presidency. I have found her to be vibrant, spunky, very interesting, and worthy of consideration. The women of this country make up just over half of the registered voters. If all of us voted en bloc we would be unbeatable. Girl power! That won't happen, of course. I can only hope that women will consider other women when they vote. I am talking about unborn women. Virtually half of all aborted babies would eventually become women. In our country, they don't have rights until they come out kicking and screaming. Of course, if someone kills a pregnant woman and her baby dies with her, then there are two counts of murder. How can you have a second count of murder when the baby isn't a life? Our society has double standards. If you want your baby and it's killed, it's murder. If you don't want your baby and it's killed, it's "choice".

I do respect a woman's right to choose. She should have a right to choose when she has sexual relations and with whom. She has a right to choose to use birth control or not to use birth control methods. If she becomes pregnant despite (or in spite of) these choices, she has a choice to raise her child, have family raise her child, or place her child for adoption. I don't think compounding an already complex and difficult situation with the loss of a life is a viable choice. I remember seeing a bumper sticker about abortion. It said, "Abortion - one dead - one wounded". I've never read a more true statement. A woman who has endured an abortion, even "by choice", suffers in many ways for the rest of her life, no matter what she believes will occur in the after-life.

Now that Governor Palin has revealed that her 17-year-old daughter is five months pregnant, critics are coming out of the woodwork. I have parented two children (with one yet to go) who were 17 at one time. I'm not sure that anyone can cast stones if they are living in modern times. I haven't met the parents who are with their children (and what if there are more than one?) 24/7. We all teach our children our values and hope that they have learned from us. But who among us has never made a mistake or done something that could have conceivably gotten us into trouble? It happens. It happens in good families. The Kennedy family, long known as the U.S. version of royalty, didn't live in Camelot. Their children had issues with drugs, rape, suicide, drunk driving, and even murder. They weren't perfect. We revered them as if they were -- but they weren't. The fact that Sarah Palin and her husband have embraced their daughter and accepted what has happened with grace and fortitude is a sign of strength and commitment. The situation is far from ideal for them and I would wager that they didn't hope to make this announcement, whether during the Republican National Convention or not. But, they are dealing with it and supporting their daughter. They didn't, as a family, sweep it under the rug and rush her off to an abortion clinic to get rid of the problem. That would have been the easy way out, especially for a woman who could be President some day. Instead, Sarah Palin is practicing what she preaches. As a family, they have opted to respect life. I'm sure they explored the the option of adoption with their daughter, but the choice was made for her to parent this baby. I respect that. While some criticize Governor Palin's policy of promoting abstinence, I think she can have it both ways. I think she can promote abstinence and promote life at the same time. I have no doubt, her daughter knows about birth control and protection (What 17 year old in the USA is that oblivious with information everywhere?). She's a teenager and likely impulsive, and she failed. It happens. The fact that she's not compounding an unplanned pregnancy with an abortion is admirable. Sarah Palin herself opted to carry a baby with Down's Syndrome to term. She is not a pro-life mouthpiece. She is living her belief.

John McCain is pro-life. He also practices what he preaches. Many have criticized him for his wealth. So he married a woman with money! Just because they have wealth, doesn't mean they don't have core values. She has voluteered and contributed to many worthy causes and it's hard to find something negative to say about what she does for others. She has set up philanthropic foundations and is active in children's and women's health issues. While in Bangladesh, she met Mother Theresa and heeded the call to "help this little one" and brought two special-needs orphans to the United States. The McCains adopted one child and their friends adopted the other. I don't believe their critics have adopted. If they had, they would know the real value of life and of nurturing a child who needs a home.

In our world today, too many people take life for granted. Too many don't view life as having the value that it should. In some countries, little girls are abandoned and thrown away simply because they are female. In some cultures, it is an "honor" to commit suicide while killing others -- all in the name of God or Allah or whatever they choose to call our higher power. If we don't respect life at a very basic level and we don't teach our children that life begins once two cells combine and begin multiplying into what will result (barring interruption) in a human being, we can't expect that our lives or the lives of our children will be respected. As a society, we have become so callous toward death and violence on the movie screen and so indifferent towards children being abused that we are creating our own criminals with no conscience. We are disgusted by those who would take the lives of our loved ones with disregard, but they have not been taught to respect life. It does take a village.

John McCain and Sarah Palin are not perfect. I think it would be unreasonable to expect them to be. I do think, however, that they are honorable people who want the best for their families and their nation. The fact that they are willing to stake their political careers on their beliefs and fight for the unborn is honorable. I will not criticize their opponents, as I think that they mean well also. However, for those of us who feel that life is still precious and fragile and worth saving, there isn't a question about where to place our mark on the ballot.