Special Delivery -- Expect the Unexpected

Adoptive parents often ask me the question, "What will the hospital (or birth) experience be like for us?". I usually explain about what generally happens at the hospital, as well as during and after the delivery, so they will feel comfortable when they are at the hospital. It does vary from hospital to hospital, but the key is flexibility. I'm not sure any two birth experiences are the same. So, you should actually prepare to be unprepared and go with it. Recently, adoptive parents Rick and Allison were matched with a birth couple who had placed ALOLA before. They did all of the normal things...viewed the profiles, spoke with the adoptive couple, met with them, and then waited for the birth. This was baby number four for birth mom, so she hoped it would be a short labor. She had no idea how short.

She was sitting on her couch on Memorial Day Weekend when her water suddenly broke. That's not all that unusual...it's what came next that was a little out of the ordinary. As soon as her water broke, birth mom felt a whole lot of pressure and within a minute, the baby's headed actually popped out. She lowered herself to the floor and her husband and a neighbor lady began to assist her. No one panicked. They seemed to take it in stride. As they began to try to help deliver the baby, the birth father called 9-1-1. He calmly told the dispatcher what had happened and asked what he needed to do. Meanwhile, he noticed that the baby's umbilical cord was looped around the neck of the baby, and the baby couldn't be be delivered because the cord was holding him back. The dispatcher told him to try to "reduce" the cord, or pull it over the baby's head to free the baby to be born. It was then that they realized the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck not once, but twice. Even doctors can be challenged by this phenomenon and this type of situation makes even the professionals a bit nervous. The cord was wrapped too tightly. When they attempted to pull the cord over the head, the other loop would tighten around the neck. They soon realized that wasn't going to work.

The birth father asked the 9-1-1 operator what to do again. He was told, "Let me check and see what the manual says". Meanwhile, the baby is looking a little blue and is obviously not able to come all the way out. The birth father (hero of the day) then made a monumental decision (which would have horrified anyone who has medical knowledge in Labor and Delivery!). He whipped out his pocket knife and cut the cord (not so sterile, but quite effective). He crimped the cord with his finger, unwound it and the baby slipped right out. It's probably a good thing (knowing now that baby is fine) that the birth father had no idea how limited the time was to get the baby out once the cord was cut (no oxygen from the placenta at that point, and the baby can't take a first breath and continue to breathe with its chest compressed by the birth canal). Perhaps it was good that birth father didn't know that because he remained calm, delivered the baby, suctioned the mouth and baby boy Austin came into the world screaming.

So, when you ask me what happens in a delivery, I can tell you only one thing with certainty -- expect the unexpected, but be flexible enough to go with the flow. Don't set yourself up by imagining something that is unrealistic or may not happen. For example, you may want to be in the room for delivery (presumably at the hospital), but if something like this happens, you won't be there. Don't let that stop you from being happy about your child's birth. Go to the hospital knowing that you may or may not be able to witness the event. You may or may not be able to spend time with the baby at the hospital in a private setting. You may have to wait until you are home for that, although many hospitals will be considerate of your desire to bond with the infant and may offer a room. Remember that for a birth mother (or birth parents), the time in the hospital will be the only time they have to say hello (and goodbye), so they may cherish that time. They are not being inconsiderate and it doesn't mean that they have changed their minds -- it simply means that they know time is short and want that time with the baby. It's the only time they will have before you become the parents. They are certainly entitled to that. They will have those memories forever. In the case of Austin's birth parents...it will be quite a memory, and a story they will likely tell years from now. It makes you wonder about what this child is destined to do in this world. He was so impatient to be born, he was not about to wait. We'll be watching you, Austin!

NOTE: Austin joins big brother, Zachary. Maybe he's already feeling a little competitive and knows he'll have to work hard to catch up!