I haven't yet read this book, but I will. It's intriguing to say the least. Adoptive families have long struggled with the cost of adoption and, even though there is a refund later, gathering the funds to pay for the home study, advertising, agency, and attorney fees can be quite overwhelming. I would love to hear your comments if you've read this book, and also your suggestions about how you raised money for your adoption. One soon to be grandpa made some wonderful candy confections and sold them to raise money over Christmas. He helped his family to expand. Another family over at our agency in Missouri held a tattoo fundraiser. The tattoo artists donated their time to do small tattoos for free for anyone who wanted them. They were asked to make a donation of any amount to the adoptive family for their expenses. I have seen families set up a website and ask their friends and family to donate to their adoption fund in lieu of birthday or Christmas gifts. People are getting creative! Let us know how you found ways to fund your adoption. If you'd like to order this book, click the Amazon link to the right.
Welcome to my blog about adoption, infertility, motherhood, grief, miscarriage, fetal demise, adoptees, families, single parenthood, newborns, childbirth, and women's issues. The opinions contained herein are strictly mine. Please leave your comments or suggestions. Ask any questions you like, whether about adoption or other topics. I value your feedback, so let me know what you think. Thanks for visiting! Feel free to add a link to my site on yours.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Adopt without Debt
I haven't yet read this book, but I will. It's intriguing to say the least. Adoptive families have long struggled with the cost of adoption and, even though there is a refund later, gathering the funds to pay for the home study, advertising, agency, and attorney fees can be quite overwhelming. I would love to hear your comments if you've read this book, and also your suggestions about how you raised money for your adoption. One soon to be grandpa made some wonderful candy confections and sold them to raise money over Christmas. He helped his family to expand. Another family over at our agency in Missouri held a tattoo fundraiser. The tattoo artists donated their time to do small tattoos for free for anyone who wanted them. They were asked to make a donation of any amount to the adoptive family for their expenses. I have seen families set up a website and ask their friends and family to donate to their adoption fund in lieu of birthday or Christmas gifts. People are getting creative! Let us know how you found ways to fund your adoption. If you'd like to order this book, click the Amazon link to the right.
Friday, May 27, 2011
A Child Is Not A Social Experiment
A Canadian family has sparked furious debate about a "social experiment" that they are doing in order to force society to comply with their wish that gender not be a consideration. Their four month old baby, Storm, is at the center of the controversy. Storm is, in all likelihood, a boy. No one, except immediate family members know, though, because they aren't telling. It strikes me that they quite possibly wanted a girl and are not satisfied, so they are improvising. They intend to raise Storm as neither male or female. If that's not a recipe for creating gender identity, then nothing is. God created us as male and female, in every species. Why, then, does this couple feel that there is something shameful about being a boy or a girl? And why should Storm bear the weight of their bad decisions? They want to use this child to try to educate the world. Actually, I think they need educating. Which bathroom is a child supposed to go to when they begin school or go to the park? Perhaps they will home school in order to maintain the secret. I think that doing this to a child and making the child the butt of jokes and the subject of endless gossip and intrigue is doing a grave disservice to the child. What will the results of this experiment be? Public ridicule, endless teasing, a lack of a sense of self-worth and belonging, and perhaps even a gender identity crisis. Do we need another Columbine to give us the results of this horrible social experiment? I think not. These parents need a reality check. Let the child be a child, whatever gender.
To view CNN's video on the subject, click the link below.
A Child Is Not A Social Experiment
To view CNN's video on the subject, click the link below.
A Child Is Not A Social Experiment
Friday, May 13, 2011
Trends in Baby Names
Every year, the Social Security Administration publishes the list of most popular baby names. This has particular interest to the families I work with. I think we need to shake up the list a little. For the past 12 years, Jacob has topped the list as the most popular name for boys. Isabella has been the most popular girls' name for the past two years running. I might have bought into that hype a little. When I found and adopted my little dog this past year, I did name her "Bella". For the first time since 1957, Elvis has left the building...um, the list. It has remained on the top 100 list for 55 straight years, which is astounding. I've never known an Elvis. The top names in 2010 are as follows;
Girls Boys
1. Isabella 1. Jacob
2. Sophia 2. Ethan
3. Emma 3. Michael
4. Olivia 4. Jayden
5. Ava 5. William
Not surprisingly, the names moving up fastest on the lists came from reality shows about teen moms. Maci and Bentley are moving up the list. The most popular girl names all end in the letter "a", indicating a trend toward feminine names. Remember a few years ago, there were many unisex names on both lists. Jayden, Hayden, Aiden, and Braden, are all on the boys' list -- a bit trendy too. Aiden makes the list three times with different spellings, so is more popular than it may seem.
Baby names tend to be cyclical. Michael and William are likely named after older relatives and they cycle through generations. A current trend in names is to be different and yet popular. That's a tough task. That may be why Aiden has so many spellings. I favor simple, easily spelled names that can't be shortened to nicknames. Of course, the best intentions don't always go as planned. I named my youngest son Dylan. That seems simple enough and went well with the names of his siblings, Ryan and Erin. Who knew everyone would try to spell it "Dillon", like Matt Dillon, the sheriff? When I chose the names of my children, there weren't too many with their names around, but it seems that simultaneously everyone had the same idea. My son, Ryan, had 5 other Ryans on his soccer team. It's a good thing he has an easy last name. With Erin, I thought of the Waltons and liked the Irish connection to match our Irish roots. I had never known another girl named Erin. But my daughter does. A bunch of them. Even our neighbor is Erin. So, in trying to be unique and yet not saddle a child with a name that everyone will get wrong, requiring the child to continually correct it, it becomes a balancing act and a difficult one at that.
Studies show that names make a difference in the classroom. Michaels or Deborahs tend to be favored by teachers over Freds or Beulahs. So, keep in mind when you are naming a child that there is more to it than just liking the name. Consider spelling, pronounciation, and popularity. That way, William and Ava won't have an uphill battle.
Girls Boys
1. Isabella 1. Jacob
2. Sophia 2. Ethan
3. Emma 3. Michael
4. Olivia 4. Jayden
5. Ava 5. William
Not surprisingly, the names moving up fastest on the lists came from reality shows about teen moms. Maci and Bentley are moving up the list. The most popular girl names all end in the letter "a", indicating a trend toward feminine names. Remember a few years ago, there were many unisex names on both lists. Jayden, Hayden, Aiden, and Braden, are all on the boys' list -- a bit trendy too. Aiden makes the list three times with different spellings, so is more popular than it may seem.
Baby names tend to be cyclical. Michael and William are likely named after older relatives and they cycle through generations. A current trend in names is to be different and yet popular. That's a tough task. That may be why Aiden has so many spellings. I favor simple, easily spelled names that can't be shortened to nicknames. Of course, the best intentions don't always go as planned. I named my youngest son Dylan. That seems simple enough and went well with the names of his siblings, Ryan and Erin. Who knew everyone would try to spell it "Dillon", like Matt Dillon, the sheriff? When I chose the names of my children, there weren't too many with their names around, but it seems that simultaneously everyone had the same idea. My son, Ryan, had 5 other Ryans on his soccer team. It's a good thing he has an easy last name. With Erin, I thought of the Waltons and liked the Irish connection to match our Irish roots. I had never known another girl named Erin. But my daughter does. A bunch of them. Even our neighbor is Erin. So, in trying to be unique and yet not saddle a child with a name that everyone will get wrong, requiring the child to continually correct it, it becomes a balancing act and a difficult one at that.
Studies show that names make a difference in the classroom. Michaels or Deborahs tend to be favored by teachers over Freds or Beulahs. So, keep in mind when you are naming a child that there is more to it than just liking the name. Consider spelling, pronounciation, and popularity. That way, William and Ava won't have an uphill battle.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Choose Life
Bravo to Texas lawmakers who have approved legislation authorizing “choose life” license plates. The plates will be sold to raise money to help pregnant mothers choose adoption over abortion. While critics may say it puts lawmakers on one side of the argument, that has been the case for the other side for years. I think anyone who is pro-choice should be glad that there is yet another choice and that choice may save a life. Also in Texas, a bill requiring a woman seeking an abortion to view sonogram images of her fetus at least 24 hours prior to a planned abortion tentatively passed the state Senate in a vote of 21-10. Informed consent is required in all surgeries, so why not abortion? A woman should know exactly what she is aborting. Planned Parenthood, the leading abortion provider in the country, doesn’t want her to see that her baby is not simply “pregnancy tissue” or “products of conception”. A beating heart tells a different story. Victims of rape and incest would not be required to view the sonogram if they opted not to. Watch for Planned Parenthood to fight this bill with whatever means they can. It can and will cut into their profits.
The Nebraska legislature is also taking some positive steps. A bill sponsored by Sen. Beau McCoy would exclude abortion coverage from all private insurance policies sold in that state. Those who wish to purchase abortion coverage would only be allowed to do so with an optional rider paid for solely by the insured. Lawmakers in Kansas are moving to do the same thing. It’s about time that taxpayers were taken off the hook for abortions that some of us don’t wish to fund. Five states already prohibit abortion coverage in basic policies. Those states are Missouri, Idaho, North Dakota, Oklahoma, and Kentucky. The Hippocratic oath that doctors take requires them to swear that they will “do no harm”. In the original Hippocratic oath, doctors were required to swear that “I will not give a woman a pessary to cause an abortion”. It seems that some don’t take their oath very seriously, so legislation may be the only way to protect the unborn.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Wearing Us Down
The "medical" marijuana proponents are wearing us down. Our local city government is reporting that the medical marijuana dispute has been a major expenditure over the past year. Most of the people in our little bedroom community want nothing to do with "medical" marijuana and don't want "cooperatives" or head shops, as they used to be called, in our city. However, the very vocal minority, many of whom stand to make a profit on the sales of marijuana, are wearing us down. By costing the city money in repeated lawsuits, which have thus far failed, and constant barrages of requests to open store fronts for the sale and use of marijuana, they can effectively wear down the opposition to the point where it's no longer feasible to fight it. So, eventually our city (and others) will have to give in and get on with it. What do we get once the "medical" marijuana store fronts open? We get armed guards and bars on the windows. We're told by the proponents that by beefing up security, they are keeping us safe. Safe from what? From those who want the drugs. There will be break ins, burglaries, thefts, etc. Several local cities including Murrieta have been successful in their efforts to keep them out. In Lake Elsinore, one local shop owner was recently arrested for illegal sales after closing his shop. On the same street, new outlets have sprung up one right after the other. It seems to be getting out of hand. They proliferate and the street becomes a haven for illicit activity.
A year or so ago, I had to fight to keep a medical marijuana "clinic" from opening up next to my business. How appropriate is it to put a medical marijuana collective in a complex which houses a child psychologist, an optometrist, a dentist, and an adoption service? That seems a little careless to me. Mind boggling. We were told that during the day there would be an armed guard. Armed. That means when the bullets start flying, they are going to come right through the walls and into my office. My son home schools here. My staff is here. Occasionally clients come in with their babies. On top of that, we were told that there would be bars on their windows to keep people from breaking in. They owners claimed it would be a quiet, safe business. Right. Why do you need bars on the windows? Pray tell, what will happen when they can't get into your business to get the drugs and money you have stashed there? They will break into MY business and go through the wall. Thanks again.
In Los Angeles, there have been a number of deaths related to armed robberies at medical marijuana outlets. In one week, three people were killed over the drugs. L.A. has started trying to reduce the number of facilities allowed, due to the number of incidents and crime they generate. In one instance, undercover officers kept one facility under surveillance and found that people who were not medical patients were buying pot and going down the street to the local park and selling it to the kids. Is this really what we want in our community? Don't we have enough to deal with? Why do you think some people are fighting so hard to get them opened? Greed. Lots of money to be made there. I wonder if they pay their fair share of taxes? My guess is no.
I do not dispute that marijuana may be beneficial to patients who don't seem to get relief any other way. However, if that's the case, dispense it out of the pharmacy like every other legitimate drug and don't let wayward souls go out and market it to make a profit. We don't need to make a profit on our sick. Those who want to should be discouraged from doing so. Aside from that, store fronts are an ideal front for those who want to buy and sell pot openly. Don't argue that the people with prescriptions are all sick, because they aren't. If you go to the cooperatives' websites, you can find a list of doctors who will give you the Rx just for showing up and paying the fee. That's where the argument for sick people ends for me. Unfortunately, the bad guys are looking for a way to sell their dope and they don't care about those who are really and truly sick. I'm not willing to sell my community down the river for the sake of a few people who could get their medicine in a pharmacy like everyone else. If they could do that, there wouldn't be a need for pot outlets. Let's make THAT the law.
We tell our children not to do drugs. We try to set a good example. Research has shown pot to be a "gateway" drug. Not everyone who smokes pot goes on to do other drugs. However, virtually everyone who goes on to do harder drugs has begun the process with marijuana. How do you tell teens not to smoke pot if you say it's okay for people to buy it down the street? It sends mixed messages.
I won't even get into the argument about people using pot and driving. I've heard all the rebuttals to that about drunk drivers. I don't want either of them out on the road. I have personal experience with a drunk driver who injured and very nearly killed some of my family. While my brother's neck and leg were broken and my sister in law was knocked unconscious and hit the steering wheel while pregnant with my nephew...the drunk driver walked away with his two front teeth knocked out. He was so drunk, he wasn't even aware. No, I don't want any impaired drivers on the road. Another argument against medical marijuana collectives.
They may wear us down and they may find a legal way to operate, but we all know it's a front for illegal activity. It seems like the only people who have rights are the ones trying to skirt the laws. If you are a law-abiding citizen who wants the children safe and the best for your community, you take a back seat to those who feel that their rights are being violated by not being able to sell their pot openly and for a profit.
They are a vocal bunch.
A year or so ago, I had to fight to keep a medical marijuana "clinic" from opening up next to my business. How appropriate is it to put a medical marijuana collective in a complex which houses a child psychologist, an optometrist, a dentist, and an adoption service? That seems a little careless to me. Mind boggling. We were told that during the day there would be an armed guard. Armed. That means when the bullets start flying, they are going to come right through the walls and into my office. My son home schools here. My staff is here. Occasionally clients come in with their babies. On top of that, we were told that there would be bars on their windows to keep people from breaking in. They owners claimed it would be a quiet, safe business. Right. Why do you need bars on the windows? Pray tell, what will happen when they can't get into your business to get the drugs and money you have stashed there? They will break into MY business and go through the wall. Thanks again.
In Los Angeles, there have been a number of deaths related to armed robberies at medical marijuana outlets. In one week, three people were killed over the drugs. L.A. has started trying to reduce the number of facilities allowed, due to the number of incidents and crime they generate. In one instance, undercover officers kept one facility under surveillance and found that people who were not medical patients were buying pot and going down the street to the local park and selling it to the kids. Is this really what we want in our community? Don't we have enough to deal with? Why do you think some people are fighting so hard to get them opened? Greed. Lots of money to be made there. I wonder if they pay their fair share of taxes? My guess is no.
I do not dispute that marijuana may be beneficial to patients who don't seem to get relief any other way. However, if that's the case, dispense it out of the pharmacy like every other legitimate drug and don't let wayward souls go out and market it to make a profit. We don't need to make a profit on our sick. Those who want to should be discouraged from doing so. Aside from that, store fronts are an ideal front for those who want to buy and sell pot openly. Don't argue that the people with prescriptions are all sick, because they aren't. If you go to the cooperatives' websites, you can find a list of doctors who will give you the Rx just for showing up and paying the fee. That's where the argument for sick people ends for me. Unfortunately, the bad guys are looking for a way to sell their dope and they don't care about those who are really and truly sick. I'm not willing to sell my community down the river for the sake of a few people who could get their medicine in a pharmacy like everyone else. If they could do that, there wouldn't be a need for pot outlets. Let's make THAT the law.
We tell our children not to do drugs. We try to set a good example. Research has shown pot to be a "gateway" drug. Not everyone who smokes pot goes on to do other drugs. However, virtually everyone who goes on to do harder drugs has begun the process with marijuana. How do you tell teens not to smoke pot if you say it's okay for people to buy it down the street? It sends mixed messages.
I won't even get into the argument about people using pot and driving. I've heard all the rebuttals to that about drunk drivers. I don't want either of them out on the road. I have personal experience with a drunk driver who injured and very nearly killed some of my family. While my brother's neck and leg were broken and my sister in law was knocked unconscious and hit the steering wheel while pregnant with my nephew...the drunk driver walked away with his two front teeth knocked out. He was so drunk, he wasn't even aware. No, I don't want any impaired drivers on the road. Another argument against medical marijuana collectives.
They may wear us down and they may find a legal way to operate, but we all know it's a front for illegal activity. It seems like the only people who have rights are the ones trying to skirt the laws. If you are a law-abiding citizen who wants the children safe and the best for your community, you take a back seat to those who feel that their rights are being violated by not being able to sell their pot openly and for a profit.
They are a vocal bunch.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Hollywood Train Wrecks
We all know that Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. It's hard to imagine that time after time, judges let her slide. In the recent jewelry theft case, had anyone else walked out of a jewelry store with a necklace -- any necklace, let alone one reportedly worth $2,500.00, they would have been immediately arrested. In this case, it took months and even then, the crime was reduced to a misdemeanor, usually reserved for lower value items. She's been in front of four judges in the past year. This girl is literally crying out for help and attention and no one is really paying any attention at all. It won't be surprising when she joins the list of Hollywood statistics who die of drug overdoses or reckless behavior. After her day in court, once again, on Friday, she was sent to, and then immediately bailed out of, jail. The defense is already filing an appeal. Ironically, the prosecution is considering appealing the ruling as well. The prosecution felt that there "was a clear abuse of discretion" on the part of the judge. I feel the same way. Why is it that high profile people seem to get away with things the rest of society doesn't? And why should they? We won't even talk about Charlie Sheen. In the past, prison overcrowding has been the reason that Lindsay was released way early. She didn't learn her lesson then and she's not likely to learn it now. She is still crying out for someone to notice her pain and get her some help. She is misguided, misdirected, and misunderstood. Maybe people like Lindsay should feel the pinch where it hurts - in their pocketbook. Maybe that would make her sit up and take notice. In this age of entitlement, why not levy fines that will help the system ease the overcrowding situations? OJ, Charlie, Lindsay, Paris...they all abuse(d) the system and could contribute enough to make a difference. Let's start hitting these people who have more money than common sense with hefty fines that can actually go to good use -- drug and alcohol treatment programs, additional prison facilities, and victim's rights funding. They aren't going to do jail time anyway, and just maybe something good could come from all of these sad situations. Judges, what do you say?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Alcohol, Drugs, Pregnancy & Teens
The partnership at Drugfree.org and MetLife Foundation has released a new study that revealed some shocking news about today's teens and their thoughts about alcohol. Underage drinking has become the norm and teens seem to have access to all the alcohol they wish to consume. The attitudes of the current generation are much different from those in the past. Today's teens see no harm in consuming five drinks a day. 68% of teens surveyed said they had consumed alcohol, and a quarter of those said they had their first drink at the age of 12 or even younger. Top reasons for drinking included "so they won't feel left out" and "because it's fun". Teen drinking sets up a whole domino effect of problems. A child who is 13 or 14 may have no concept of the danger it poses, from alcohol poisoning, to vulnerability to rape or molestation, to any number of dangerous positions they may land in, with no ability to fend for themselves. They don't believe it will happen to them or that their judgment will be impaired. They feel invincible. They feel they can handle it.
Local teens have mentioned to me that it's easy to obtain alcohol or drugs at school and kids are actually doing those things on campus during the school day. 25% of the teens surveyed in the study stated that they had smoked marijuana in the past month. This is a trend that is significant because for a decade, there were declines in the use of pot among teens. Now that has turned around and use is increasing. Small wonder, when "medical" marijuana co-ops are springing up everywhere. Kids know it's just a front for sales. If adults can do it, why can't they? Ecstacy abuse has also increased dramatically, up 67% according to the study. Often when I hear from birth mothers planning an adoption, they state that they were "at a party", "at a bar", or "drinking" when they became pregnant. Sometimes they don't know how it happened or who they were with because there were many people at the party. Obviously, if they weren't drinking, they would have had better control of the situation and themselves. Putting themselves in a vulnerable position may result in pregnancy, but could result in much worse.
While parents feel powerless to stop the behavior, teens are seeing little risk in regular use of alcohol and drugs, and are increasingly trying and using them. They see it as no big deal. As our nation slips further and further down the list of those leading in education and technology, the next generation is medicating themselves into apathy. So for those who are worried about the current job situation -- consider going into alcohol and drug counseling and rehab services. We're going to need you. Just ask Charlie Sheen.
Local teens have mentioned to me that it's easy to obtain alcohol or drugs at school and kids are actually doing those things on campus during the school day. 25% of the teens surveyed in the study stated that they had smoked marijuana in the past month. This is a trend that is significant because for a decade, there were declines in the use of pot among teens. Now that has turned around and use is increasing. Small wonder, when "medical" marijuana co-ops are springing up everywhere. Kids know it's just a front for sales. If adults can do it, why can't they? Ecstacy abuse has also increased dramatically, up 67% according to the study. Often when I hear from birth mothers planning an adoption, they state that they were "at a party", "at a bar", or "drinking" when they became pregnant. Sometimes they don't know how it happened or who they were with because there were many people at the party. Obviously, if they weren't drinking, they would have had better control of the situation and themselves. Putting themselves in a vulnerable position may result in pregnancy, but could result in much worse.
While parents feel powerless to stop the behavior, teens are seeing little risk in regular use of alcohol and drugs, and are increasingly trying and using them. They see it as no big deal. As our nation slips further and further down the list of those leading in education and technology, the next generation is medicating themselves into apathy. So for those who are worried about the current job situation -- consider going into alcohol and drug counseling and rehab services. We're going to need you. Just ask Charlie Sheen.
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