How Will You Find Me?

I am often asked by adoptive parents, "How do I tell my child he/she is adopted?".  My answer is, you don't make an event of it.  From an early age, you talk to your child about how your family was born.  If your child is from China, you talk about your excitement of going there and finding her.  If your child was placed into your arms by a birth mother, you talk about how she came to the decision and how she picked you and that it was a loving, thoughtful choice.  Each child will have a different adoption story.  How do you start?  I think the earlier the better, so you start by reading a bedtime story.  For that reason, I wrote a book specifically for this purpose.  How Will You Find Me? is a book designed for young children.  Through the magic of animal families, a child can learn that there's more than one way to build a family.  At the end, it asks the question, "How DID you find me?"  Each family can then share their adoption story with their child in a natural progression of the book.  In this way, a child can learn early on how they came into their family and what a joy their parents felt when they came home.  Years later, when someone asks them, "How did you find out you were adopted?", they can answer, "I always knew".

www.howwillyoufindme.com

BOOK REVIEW

Adoptive parents want to be able to share their child's adoption story in a way that isn't traumatic or sensationalistic.  Using a book or two to open the conversation and plant the seed so that they can explain their own child's presence in their family and how they got there is one of the ways to do that.  Very young children can grasp the concept when told in simple terms how they became a part of their family.  "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born" by Jamie Lee Curtis opens the door to discussion about adoption and how it came to be.  It talks about the phone call, the excitement, the plane flight, the hospital, and many firsts.  It provides an opportunity to talk about each of the aspects of that exciting time with the child and to provide the details of his or her specific birth and adoption.  It should be a part of every adopted child's library and can be purchased through Amazon.com on this site.  Along those lines, we will have another story book coming out very soon that deals with the same topic in poem form, with an animal perspective.  I would love to hear if anyone has books that they recommend to help a child adapt to the concept of adoption.  A child should never be able to say "I was told I was adopted when I was (a certain age) ...", citing the precise moment they found out. They should be able to say that they have always known they were adopted for as long as they could remember. 

November - National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month! How will you celebrate? There are some things you can do to help educate and promote adoption awareness such as;

* Buy a few children's books on adoption and donate them your local library or school.
* Talk to local librarians about reading adoption stories in reading groups to make children more aware of adoption.
* Discuss with teachers the difficulties faced by adoptive children when faced with assignments that can cause them grief ("How do I fill out a family tree when I don't know?"). Make them aware of how certain discussions can make adopted children feel uncomfortable.
* Talk with elementary school administrators and ask them to acknowledge National Adoption Month in classrooms and open dialogue with students concerning adoption.
* Share with adopted children the positive aspects of adoption and make note of famous people who have been adopted. Note their accomplishments and let them know that they can be anyone they want to be.
* Call your local newspaper, radio, or t.v. channel and make them aware of National Adoption Month. Ask if they are planning an article or discussion and offer to help with information.
* Honor birth mothers by sending a card of thanks and remember them in your prayers.

Find teachable moments to explain the adoption process and the difference between birth families and adoptive or "forever" families to teachers or clergy. Share that adopted children have two families who love them very much. Don't assume that just because someone is in a position of teaching that they already know about adoption -- many don't. Use National Adoption Month to make those around you aware of how powerful adoption is and what a difference it makes in the lives of those who participate in the triad. We all know someone who was adopted and adoption has literally touched everyone's life. Perhaps a good assignment for the teachers out there would be to have their students write a short essay on "How Adoption Touched My Life". I bet there would be a lot of great stories to share!