Showing posts with label adoption home study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption home study. Show all posts
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Adoption Issues - Do Celebrities Receive Preferential Treatment?
Often times, I hear comments about how "easy" it is for celebrities to adopt. I think because we don't hear anything in the media until a baby goes home, people assume that it happened quickly. Celebrity or "high profile" adoptions as we call them, come with their own difficulties and challenges. Recently, Sandra Bullock commented that she had waited four years to adopt new son Louis. While people may find that hard to believe, it's true. Not only do high profile families have to do the same as other adoptive families (home studies, fingerprinting, etc), they are actually a little tougher to match. Given that these days most birth mothers want to know where their baby is going and want to choose the family, this presents a problem with celebrities. If they do know who they are working with, then it's possible that word will get out and the paparazzi will show up. Many times it's much harder and takes longer to match someone who may have that happen. What birth mom wants the press chasing her around? I worked with one high profile couple who found out the hard way that a social worker had leaked information to the press, presumably for a payment. The adoptive father was unable to attend the birth because reporters were camped outside the hospital waiting for him. So, it's not as easy as it may appear for high profile adoptive parents. Sheryl Crow has recently adopted a second child. She stated that it kept falling apart and that the birth mom kept changing her mind. Not so different from any adoption situation in which the birth mother is struggling with her decision. So it happens to celebrities too. Adoptive families are more alike than different regardless of who they are and what they do for a living. The same goals and desires are present. So don't believe everything you read. Celebrities are not given any special treatment or put at the top of some list. In fact, they have fewer choices than most because of their status and popularity.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Adoption Issues - Confusion Over Agency/Facilitator Options
Often times potential adoptive families will want to know the difference between facilitation and full service agency adoption. It's hard to navigate all of the options of adoption when trying to compare apples to oranges, so I thought I'd clarify what I can. Since I facilitate on a regular basis, but also do full service agency adoption, I think I can clear up a few misunderstandings.
Many people seem to think that facilitators are the sharks in the proverbial adoption pool. In the past, that may have had some basis in fact, as there were some fly by night facilitators out there. A couple of years ago, however, adoption facilitators in California (where most of us are) were required to be registered with the state. We are required to be bonded and to have training specific to what we do. Facilitators with a proven track record and years of experience and references were grandfathered in, but any new facilitators must have a degree in social work and a level of experience. Websites are checked often to determine that rules are being adhered to and the oversight is almost as stringent as that of an agency.
As far as the differences, there are many. Agencies are licensed by one or more states and in each state they are licensed in, they must adhere to strict regulations. They become, in essence, a right hand of the state as they are allowed to take consents from birth parents, petition the courts for rights to be terminated, and make determinations about the needs and support issues of birth parents. They take custody, on paper and physically, of children. They must have large insurance policies in place because they are responsible for a child placed until finalization in most cases. They actually do the placement. The birth mother relinquishes her rights to the agency and then the agency places the child with a family. Their facilities have to meet standards. In most cases, they must have foster families on board and available just in case they are needed. Counselors on board and generally a master's level social worker is required. She/He generally oversees all of the social workers at the agency who perform home studies, counsel adoptive and birth parents, and take consents.
With facilitation, there are varied types of services. Legally, a facilitator is an advertiser and a matchmaker. We don't take consents or perform legal duties. We don't take custody (on paper or physically) of children. We don't put children in foster care and we don't do home studies. We do advertising in an attempt to locate birth parents who are searching for adoptive parents and we put them together, preferably according to birth mother requests. The birth mother makes the placement.
Fees are different too. Not only the amounts, but the timing in which they are obtained. Agencies generally either charge fee per service (a la cart) or they have one umbrella agency fee. They either collect the fees when the services are provided (home study fees at the time of the home study, counseling fees at the time of counseling, match fees at the time of match, etc.) or, if you're paying one umbrella fee, it is usually broken up into three separate payments; most often a third at registration, a third at match, and a third at placement. Agency fees vary widely but range from twenty to forty thousand dollars. So, you can break it down into thirds. With facilitation, our fees are less (because we are doing a different service) and, in our case (I can't speak for others) go to advertising and overhead. Legally, we are not allowed to collect fees for a placement (since we are not a placing agency). We must collect our fees up front. Due to the current economy, some facilitators are allowing for payments, but they must be made prior to a match and placement, or there are legal issues. In addition, if we do what we say we do (advertising), that is paid to the advertiser upon the order of ads (they learned long ago that if ads are placed in yellow pages and then not paid for, they have a hard time collecting). So, facilitators have traditionally required that their clients pay up front. Since adoptive parents are not paying "for a baby", but "for advertising", this is reasonable and prudent. No one -- not agencies or facilitators (or attorneys for that matter) can "guarantee" a baby for a fee. But most adoptive parents equate fees with paying for a child. However, even an agency can't make that promise because of all of the variables involved.
Unfortunately, some facilitators have become what I would term "baby brokers". They "network" with various agencies and find hard to place children (all agencies, attorneys and facilitators who work in adoption have families waiting for healthy infants). These are drug babies, birth parents with huge expenses, or special needs babies. They then send out e-mails and posts on the internet, essentially offering the situation to the highest bidder. If you are willing to pay their price, they match you. They take a fee for passing the situation along -- for being a middle man or broker. In my opinion posting situations on the internet should not be legal. Any reputable adoption professional has plenty of connections with other adoption professionals. They post situations or "advertise" on the internet because it is hard to find families willing to pay large fees for sub-optimal situations. This seems to me to be just wrong. I don't believe that this is true "facilitation" and should be avoided. The huge fees associated with these situations often top $30,000.00 for special needs situations.
On the flip side, there are agencies who do much the same thing (hence it's best to know a little about the entity you are planning to work with. Do they have a track record? Do they have lots of happy families who will share their stories? Can you ask those families what they ended up spending? Are they advertising situations on the internet? One agency that I know has over 300 adoptive families posted on line. Families have called me to say that they have been waiting for years and no one contacts them. How would anyone find them if they are family #278? Even so, birth parents deserve better than that. Sure they should be able to review profiles, but that should happen after information and interviews and the field should be narrowed down for them to their appropriate requests and then the choices would not be so overwhelming. They shouldn't have to scan through 300+ waiting families.
All of this brings me to a phone call I received today. I guess I'm still shaking my head about it. A cautious but hopeful potential adoptive mom who has been talking to me for perhaps five years about her options called to ask my advice. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am more than willing to give lots of that. I think over the years I've earned my high school nick name of "Dear Abby" a few times over. Her question floored me. She stated that she had decided to go with an agency that didn't require any "up front" fees. Now, I am not arrogant enough to feel that our services are the only option out there for anyone and I do want adoptive families to have choices and to do what is comfortable for their own family, so I was fine with answering her questions and offering advice.
The said agency charges twenty thousand for their services -- not unreasonable in comparison to most adoption agencies these days. It was to include everything except birth parent legal expenses. The adoptive couple felt good about the fact that they had received three calls over a short period of time about potential birth mothers. They turned down the first two because of what they considered special needs. The third situation sounded good to them, but they thought they were missing something and decided to call me to see if it "sounded right". They had gone with an agency that doesn't have a top-notch reputation, and there were some red flags. The agency wouldn't let them speak with the birth mother. How do you know there is a birth mother to match with if you can't talk with her? Additionally, they were told that they would have to hire another agency in Texas to take the consents, get birth father's rights terminated, and work with ICPC. All that was going to run another fifteen thousand, since their agency didn't cover any of the fees for the birth mother's legal services (which, is most of the work in an adoption).
I was pretty stunned that a family would be willing to pay $35,000.00 for an unknown situation with a birth mom who they couldn't confirm was committed to them. They could have done two and a half independent adoptions for that (or paid much less to another agency), and they would have the advantage of having contact with the birth mother and knowing what her situation was. Birth mom would have the advantage of being able to bond with the soon-to-be parents of her child instead of just a profile. It all seems quite odd to me that they weren't willing to spend a third of that on a facilitated adoption simply because of the up-front fees. Presumably, that would indicate they weren't trusting the facilitation process. And yet, when they got into a predicament, they called the one person they thought they might be able to trust to give them some valid information and advice (me). So, in an effort to avoid paying anything up front, they will spend an extra $20,000.00 on their adoption (if it actually happens). Mind boggling. Yes, I'm still shaking my head.
Many people seem to think that facilitators are the sharks in the proverbial adoption pool. In the past, that may have had some basis in fact, as there were some fly by night facilitators out there. A couple of years ago, however, adoption facilitators in California (where most of us are) were required to be registered with the state. We are required to be bonded and to have training specific to what we do. Facilitators with a proven track record and years of experience and references were grandfathered in, but any new facilitators must have a degree in social work and a level of experience. Websites are checked often to determine that rules are being adhered to and the oversight is almost as stringent as that of an agency.
As far as the differences, there are many. Agencies are licensed by one or more states and in each state they are licensed in, they must adhere to strict regulations. They become, in essence, a right hand of the state as they are allowed to take consents from birth parents, petition the courts for rights to be terminated, and make determinations about the needs and support issues of birth parents. They take custody, on paper and physically, of children. They must have large insurance policies in place because they are responsible for a child placed until finalization in most cases. They actually do the placement. The birth mother relinquishes her rights to the agency and then the agency places the child with a family. Their facilities have to meet standards. In most cases, they must have foster families on board and available just in case they are needed. Counselors on board and generally a master's level social worker is required. She/He generally oversees all of the social workers at the agency who perform home studies, counsel adoptive and birth parents, and take consents.
With facilitation, there are varied types of services. Legally, a facilitator is an advertiser and a matchmaker. We don't take consents or perform legal duties. We don't take custody (on paper or physically) of children. We don't put children in foster care and we don't do home studies. We do advertising in an attempt to locate birth parents who are searching for adoptive parents and we put them together, preferably according to birth mother requests. The birth mother makes the placement.
Fees are different too. Not only the amounts, but the timing in which they are obtained. Agencies generally either charge fee per service (a la cart) or they have one umbrella agency fee. They either collect the fees when the services are provided (home study fees at the time of the home study, counseling fees at the time of counseling, match fees at the time of match, etc.) or, if you're paying one umbrella fee, it is usually broken up into three separate payments; most often a third at registration, a third at match, and a third at placement. Agency fees vary widely but range from twenty to forty thousand dollars. So, you can break it down into thirds. With facilitation, our fees are less (because we are doing a different service) and, in our case (I can't speak for others) go to advertising and overhead. Legally, we are not allowed to collect fees for a placement (since we are not a placing agency). We must collect our fees up front. Due to the current economy, some facilitators are allowing for payments, but they must be made prior to a match and placement, or there are legal issues. In addition, if we do what we say we do (advertising), that is paid to the advertiser upon the order of ads (they learned long ago that if ads are placed in yellow pages and then not paid for, they have a hard time collecting). So, facilitators have traditionally required that their clients pay up front. Since adoptive parents are not paying "for a baby", but "for advertising", this is reasonable and prudent. No one -- not agencies or facilitators (or attorneys for that matter) can "guarantee" a baby for a fee. But most adoptive parents equate fees with paying for a child. However, even an agency can't make that promise because of all of the variables involved.
Unfortunately, some facilitators have become what I would term "baby brokers". They "network" with various agencies and find hard to place children (all agencies, attorneys and facilitators who work in adoption have families waiting for healthy infants). These are drug babies, birth parents with huge expenses, or special needs babies. They then send out e-mails and posts on the internet, essentially offering the situation to the highest bidder. If you are willing to pay their price, they match you. They take a fee for passing the situation along -- for being a middle man or broker. In my opinion posting situations on the internet should not be legal. Any reputable adoption professional has plenty of connections with other adoption professionals. They post situations or "advertise" on the internet because it is hard to find families willing to pay large fees for sub-optimal situations. This seems to me to be just wrong. I don't believe that this is true "facilitation" and should be avoided. The huge fees associated with these situations often top $30,000.00 for special needs situations.
On the flip side, there are agencies who do much the same thing (hence it's best to know a little about the entity you are planning to work with. Do they have a track record? Do they have lots of happy families who will share their stories? Can you ask those families what they ended up spending? Are they advertising situations on the internet? One agency that I know has over 300 adoptive families posted on line. Families have called me to say that they have been waiting for years and no one contacts them. How would anyone find them if they are family #278? Even so, birth parents deserve better than that. Sure they should be able to review profiles, but that should happen after information and interviews and the field should be narrowed down for them to their appropriate requests and then the choices would not be so overwhelming. They shouldn't have to scan through 300+ waiting families.
All of this brings me to a phone call I received today. I guess I'm still shaking my head about it. A cautious but hopeful potential adoptive mom who has been talking to me for perhaps five years about her options called to ask my advice. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am more than willing to give lots of that. I think over the years I've earned my high school nick name of "Dear Abby" a few times over. Her question floored me. She stated that she had decided to go with an agency that didn't require any "up front" fees. Now, I am not arrogant enough to feel that our services are the only option out there for anyone and I do want adoptive families to have choices and to do what is comfortable for their own family, so I was fine with answering her questions and offering advice.
The said agency charges twenty thousand for their services -- not unreasonable in comparison to most adoption agencies these days. It was to include everything except birth parent legal expenses. The adoptive couple felt good about the fact that they had received three calls over a short period of time about potential birth mothers. They turned down the first two because of what they considered special needs. The third situation sounded good to them, but they thought they were missing something and decided to call me to see if it "sounded right". They had gone with an agency that doesn't have a top-notch reputation, and there were some red flags. The agency wouldn't let them speak with the birth mother. How do you know there is a birth mother to match with if you can't talk with her? Additionally, they were told that they would have to hire another agency in Texas to take the consents, get birth father's rights terminated, and work with ICPC. All that was going to run another fifteen thousand, since their agency didn't cover any of the fees for the birth mother's legal services (which, is most of the work in an adoption).
I was pretty stunned that a family would be willing to pay $35,000.00 for an unknown situation with a birth mom who they couldn't confirm was committed to them. They could have done two and a half independent adoptions for that (or paid much less to another agency), and they would have the advantage of having contact with the birth mother and knowing what her situation was. Birth mom would have the advantage of being able to bond with the soon-to-be parents of her child instead of just a profile. It all seems quite odd to me that they weren't willing to spend a third of that on a facilitated adoption simply because of the up-front fees. Presumably, that would indicate they weren't trusting the facilitation process. And yet, when they got into a predicament, they called the one person they thought they might be able to trust to give them some valid information and advice (me). So, in an effort to avoid paying anything up front, they will spend an extra $20,000.00 on their adoption (if it actually happens). Mind boggling. Yes, I'm still shaking my head.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Adoption Issues - Sandra Bullock Adopts Trans-racially
Just as I blogged about racial and gender preferences and how Americans prefer light-skinned girl babies, Sandra Bullock has adopted trans-racially. She's broken down a number of barriers and adopted an African-American baby boy. Little Louis Bardo Bullock was placed with Sandra and her soon-to-be ex-husband Jesse James three months ago, just prior to the Oscars, where Sandra won the Oscar for Best Actress for her movie, "The Blind Side". Perhaps it's life imitating art, or perhaps Bullock just has a heart for children and identified with the role. In any event, when a celebrity adopts, they tend to get more press and people take notice of what they do. You would think that in 2010, there would no longer be racial barriers, but there are and likely will be for some time to come.
One of my adoptive families has experienced racial prejudice within their community and with teachers of their children. That seems hard to grasp but it happens in America in the 21st century. Kudos to Sandra Bullock for being courageous enough to break through the racial taboos and just be a mom.
I have worked on some high profile or celebrity adoptions and there is always an assumption that high profile couples or even singles have an easier time adopting because they have money, or power, or influence, or all of the above. Sometimes, the exact opposite is true. Ms. Bullock began the adoption process four years ago. That is much longer than most adoptive families wait, depending upon preferences. Gender preferences can lengthen the wait considerably. Celebrities have more to contend with than just the typical home study and background check. They have to locate a birth mother who is willing to keep things quiet. Paparazzi can ruin the experience for a couple who is recognized wherever they go. Open adoptions are certainly possible for celebrity families but it's difficult to maintain a relationship with the birth mother if she is being stalked by the press. There are a host of challenges that typical adoptive families don't face.
Sandra Bullock is a case study in grace. She has had the highs and lows of her lifetime all in a period of a few short months. Without fanfare and without drama, she has handled her husband's infidelity with dignity and resolve. She is a woman who is an example for all women. Her attitude is empowering. Congratulations on your adoption, Sandra, and thanks for showing the world that you are an example of what you said when you accepted your Oscar, "Thank you to the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from". Well said and well done.
One of my adoptive families has experienced racial prejudice within their community and with teachers of their children. That seems hard to grasp but it happens in America in the 21st century. Kudos to Sandra Bullock for being courageous enough to break through the racial taboos and just be a mom.
I have worked on some high profile or celebrity adoptions and there is always an assumption that high profile couples or even singles have an easier time adopting because they have money, or power, or influence, or all of the above. Sometimes, the exact opposite is true. Ms. Bullock began the adoption process four years ago. That is much longer than most adoptive families wait, depending upon preferences. Gender preferences can lengthen the wait considerably. Celebrities have more to contend with than just the typical home study and background check. They have to locate a birth mother who is willing to keep things quiet. Paparazzi can ruin the experience for a couple who is recognized wherever they go. Open adoptions are certainly possible for celebrity families but it's difficult to maintain a relationship with the birth mother if she is being stalked by the press. There are a host of challenges that typical adoptive families don't face.
Sandra Bullock is a case study in grace. She has had the highs and lows of her lifetime all in a period of a few short months. Without fanfare and without drama, she has handled her husband's infidelity with dignity and resolve. She is a woman who is an example for all women. Her attitude is empowering. Congratulations on your adoption, Sandra, and thanks for showing the world that you are an example of what you said when you accepted your Oscar, "Thank you to the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from". Well said and well done.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Home Study Anxiety
The biggest fear of adoptive parents may very well be the dreaded home study. Fear not! The home study process is more of a "people study". It is in place to make sure that those who shouldn't adopt a child won't be able to qualify. It's not a white glove test or a measure of your housekeeping skills. You will fill out yet another daunting amount of paperwork -- that is true. However, the rest is really not very daunting at all. You will meet with a friendly social worker who will speak with you about the reasons you have chosen to adopt, your home and family life, your financial status, any questions you may have about adoption and/or child care issues. The social worker is there to make sure your home is a safe place for a child and that the child will have qualified, loving parents.
You will be given fingerprint cards for a background check. You won't qualify if you are a registered sex offender. You won't qualify if you have been convicted for domestic violence or serious crime. If you had a small infraction or a DUI when you were 19, it's not likely that will affect your ability to adopt. If you had 4 DUI's and the most recent was last year, it will very much impact your ability to adopt. Most people will pass a home study with flying colors. I only recall a couple of times in my 15 year adoption career in which people have failed. One time, a gentleman was speaking with the social worker and she asked him privately, "Why do you want to adopt?". His answer was, "Oh, I don't really want another child...I'm just doing this for my wife". As you can imagine, their home study was not approved. In another case, someone believed they had something on their record that they didn't (previous divorce with an ex-partner claiming violent behavior). They were not immediately denied, but it had to be determined that this was, in fact, not an issue.
One important factor in going through your home study is truthfulness. If a social worker asks you specifically if you have a criminal history and you deny it and then something even minor pops up on your record, the social worker will find you suspicious. After you have an approved home study, if you are arrested or cited for anything at all, you must inform your social worker immediately. It won't look good if something like that comes up on your yearly background check and you haven't been honest and forthright with the information. If it appears that you are trying to hide something, your home study will be denied. Trust is a very important factor.
As long as you are honest and open with your social worker and you have no serious offenses on your record, your home study should be approved and you may then begin the process to adopt a child. The home study is a very important tool for the judge who will approve your adoption, as well as ICPC (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children). When you are traveling between two states with a child for adoption, ICPC is necessary. Your attorney or agency will submit your home study and the adoption paperwork to the ICPC representative in the state in question so that you may receive approval to travel home with your new baby. You may not leave the state and go to another state for the purpose of adoption without having a completed home study. It's important to have your home study and clearances up to date (yearly), so that you will go through the ICPC process without any problems. Even if your own home state does not require a yearly update, it's important to do so because the state you may travel to in order to adopt your infant may have that rule. The home study is just a process that you must go through in order for the state to assure the safety of a child. When you look at it that way, it's an important process and well worth the effort. Your social worker may even become a good friend.
You will be given fingerprint cards for a background check. You won't qualify if you are a registered sex offender. You won't qualify if you have been convicted for domestic violence or serious crime. If you had a small infraction or a DUI when you were 19, it's not likely that will affect your ability to adopt. If you had 4 DUI's and the most recent was last year, it will very much impact your ability to adopt. Most people will pass a home study with flying colors. I only recall a couple of times in my 15 year adoption career in which people have failed. One time, a gentleman was speaking with the social worker and she asked him privately, "Why do you want to adopt?". His answer was, "Oh, I don't really want another child...I'm just doing this for my wife". As you can imagine, their home study was not approved. In another case, someone believed they had something on their record that they didn't (previous divorce with an ex-partner claiming violent behavior). They were not immediately denied, but it had to be determined that this was, in fact, not an issue.
One important factor in going through your home study is truthfulness. If a social worker asks you specifically if you have a criminal history and you deny it and then something even minor pops up on your record, the social worker will find you suspicious. After you have an approved home study, if you are arrested or cited for anything at all, you must inform your social worker immediately. It won't look good if something like that comes up on your yearly background check and you haven't been honest and forthright with the information. If it appears that you are trying to hide something, your home study will be denied. Trust is a very important factor.
As long as you are honest and open with your social worker and you have no serious offenses on your record, your home study should be approved and you may then begin the process to adopt a child. The home study is a very important tool for the judge who will approve your adoption, as well as ICPC (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children). When you are traveling between two states with a child for adoption, ICPC is necessary. Your attorney or agency will submit your home study and the adoption paperwork to the ICPC representative in the state in question so that you may receive approval to travel home with your new baby. You may not leave the state and go to another state for the purpose of adoption without having a completed home study. It's important to have your home study and clearances up to date (yearly), so that you will go through the ICPC process without any problems. Even if your own home state does not require a yearly update, it's important to do so because the state you may travel to in order to adopt your infant may have that rule. The home study is just a process that you must go through in order for the state to assure the safety of a child. When you look at it that way, it's an important process and well worth the effort. Your social worker may even become a good friend.
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