Do people really try to aim for specific birth dates? Sometimes they do. CNN is reporting that Febuary 18 (give or take a couple of days) is the target date to get pregnant for those people trying for a birth date of 11/11/11. For those having scheduled C-sections, up to a week later will work. That will be a busy day for OB staffs around the country. We'll hear about babies born on 11/11/11 at 11:11. It might be a bit of a feat to have a birth weight of 11 lbs.
Women have used numerology and favorite numbers to plan "lucky" birth dates for as long as anyone can remember. The Chinese have that down to a science. I like twos. I was born the 2nd of March. Of course, I had no control over that. However, when my 2nd child's C-section was being planned, I purposely chose the 2nd of September. The same thing happened with my fourth child, who was born on February 2nd. My third, unknowingly, and by some strange twist of fate, had a birth and a death date of November 2nd. That wasn't planned, and I shouldn't have gone into labor that day, as it was months early, but it happened. My first born really messed it all up. He was born 2 days before the 2nd and at 2:00 p.m., but couldn't hold out another couple of days, despite being two weeks early. So the twos permeate our household. My fiance was born on the 3rd, but he always takes his time.
Because Valentine's Day is just a few days earlier than the "magic" date of February 18, it's a good bet that quite a few surprise babies will appear on or around the date of destiny. It will be interesting to see what that day brings. Stay tuned for that update.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Flying the "Unfriendly" Skies
Recently while traveling, I had the rare occasion to use an airplane restroom. I avoid that necessity whenever possible, always making a pit stop between connecting flights. People who know me well would tell you that I am tad phobic about public restrooms that are anything less than sterile (is that an oxymoron?), particularly on airplanes. But, regrettably, with my plane landing late and greeted by a "now boarding" sign on the monitor upon checking my next flight, there was no time to stop. I barely made my flight even at a full sprint. For those who have never changed planes in Phoenix, you can't know the terror of having to get from a "C" gate to a "D" gate in a short period of time. If you have ever trained for a half-marathon, then you may be prepared. For those of us who haven't, it feels like miles anyway.
I digress...after getting settled into my "back of the bus" seat because of my late arrival, I realized that it would be better to use the lavatory early in the flight. You ladies all understand. So, with a sense of dread, I made my way to the back to the lavatory. When using an airline restroom, it's a good idea to position yourself before entering the lavatory because once the door is closed, there's no turning around -- literally -- at least without touching all four walls. And that's the absolute last thing you want to do. It's a balancing act to be sure and, judging by the condition of the floor, others have not balanced so well. It occurred to me, in that moment, how unfriendly the skies really are -- most notably for children.
Take a look around. Literally everyone you see anywhere you go is either a child or was a child at some point in time. There are a couple of issues here. Anyone who is already a parent (or is female) can tell you that it's difficult to maneuver with children in public toilets anyway. Never mind not having enough room for one adult to function well. If your child is young enough to need assistance, good luck -- and make sure you have a packet of sanitary wipes on hand.
If you are the parent of an infant and you are flying four or five hours (or more), chances are that a diaper change will be in order. Oh, you do have options! You can change your child on your lap -- risking a mess and offending your neighbors. The tray tables are too flimsy to support the weight of an infant, and who wants to eat on a changing table anyway? Then you have the floor. The only floor space is in the aisle, which is just wide enough for your carry-on (not your hips unless you move sideways), unless you are in the front row, where you are not allowed to stow your belongings, so you won't have access to your diaper bag. Privacy is pretty much out the window in either of those two venues. That leaves the bathroom.
I challenge anyone (and some of us truly are expert diaper changers, even in a pinch) to find a way to balance a wiggly baby either on top of the closed toilet (yuck!), or on the 3 square inches of wet counter space provided. Of course, you do have privacy, even if you can't turn a full 360 degrees. But just how can you bend over in a closet not even hospitable to turning around? Here's hoping you can change a baby in space because you'll have to hold it up in the air and, in this case, gravity is not your friend.
That got me thinking -- When you hear about a plane being stuck on a tarmac for a couple of hours (or in a few cases many hours) due to weather or circumstances, what is a mother (or father) to do? Can you imagine either babies not being changed at all or being changed in a packed (think Southwest) plane? Bring on a problem with the ventilation or air conditioning and this is the stuff that nightmares are made of.
Adoptive parents are particularly vulnerable to these problems. More often than not, they must fly home with their newborn child. They may have several connections or may have to travel long hours internationally. There is no choice of whether to leave the baby at home with grandma. They're trying to get home. We can send astronauts to the space station, but we can't manage a kid-friendly bathroom on a plane? Women did not design these aircraft!
So here is my proposition. Are you a parent? Do you want to become a parent? Were you ever next to a child on a flight? Do you have a mother? That pretty much covers everyone. If so, write a letter. Copy it to as every airline you can find an e-mail or snail mail address for. Ask that they start taking everyone's comfort into consideration, as this affects everyone on the plane! Ask that there be a real changing table on every airline. Ask that they allow enough room for a parent and child to maneuver comfortably -- never mind that a handicapped person has no chance of being able to use the facilities as is (how do they get away with that?). Mention that you intend to fly only "family friendly" airlines. And while you're at it, make a pitch for seats that don't involve sharing your neighbor's personal space (okay, so that request has already fallen on deaf ears so never mind that). I want us to inundate the airlines with requests so that they will take it seriously. Post it on face book, share with friends, pass out a form letter or petition with multiple signatures. After all, it's a revolution.
I digress...after getting settled into my "back of the bus" seat because of my late arrival, I realized that it would be better to use the lavatory early in the flight. You ladies all understand. So, with a sense of dread, I made my way to the back to the lavatory. When using an airline restroom, it's a good idea to position yourself before entering the lavatory because once the door is closed, there's no turning around -- literally -- at least without touching all four walls. And that's the absolute last thing you want to do. It's a balancing act to be sure and, judging by the condition of the floor, others have not balanced so well. It occurred to me, in that moment, how unfriendly the skies really are -- most notably for children.
Take a look around. Literally everyone you see anywhere you go is either a child or was a child at some point in time. There are a couple of issues here. Anyone who is already a parent (or is female) can tell you that it's difficult to maneuver with children in public toilets anyway. Never mind not having enough room for one adult to function well. If your child is young enough to need assistance, good luck -- and make sure you have a packet of sanitary wipes on hand.
If you are the parent of an infant and you are flying four or five hours (or more), chances are that a diaper change will be in order. Oh, you do have options! You can change your child on your lap -- risking a mess and offending your neighbors. The tray tables are too flimsy to support the weight of an infant, and who wants to eat on a changing table anyway? Then you have the floor. The only floor space is in the aisle, which is just wide enough for your carry-on (not your hips unless you move sideways), unless you are in the front row, where you are not allowed to stow your belongings, so you won't have access to your diaper bag. Privacy is pretty much out the window in either of those two venues. That leaves the bathroom.
I challenge anyone (and some of us truly are expert diaper changers, even in a pinch) to find a way to balance a wiggly baby either on top of the closed toilet (yuck!), or on the 3 square inches of wet counter space provided. Of course, you do have privacy, even if you can't turn a full 360 degrees. But just how can you bend over in a closet not even hospitable to turning around? Here's hoping you can change a baby in space because you'll have to hold it up in the air and, in this case, gravity is not your friend.
That got me thinking -- When you hear about a plane being stuck on a tarmac for a couple of hours (or in a few cases many hours) due to weather or circumstances, what is a mother (or father) to do? Can you imagine either babies not being changed at all or being changed in a packed (think Southwest) plane? Bring on a problem with the ventilation or air conditioning and this is the stuff that nightmares are made of.
Adoptive parents are particularly vulnerable to these problems. More often than not, they must fly home with their newborn child. They may have several connections or may have to travel long hours internationally. There is no choice of whether to leave the baby at home with grandma. They're trying to get home. We can send astronauts to the space station, but we can't manage a kid-friendly bathroom on a plane? Women did not design these aircraft!
So here is my proposition. Are you a parent? Do you want to become a parent? Were you ever next to a child on a flight? Do you have a mother? That pretty much covers everyone. If so, write a letter. Copy it to as every airline you can find an e-mail or snail mail address for. Ask that they start taking everyone's comfort into consideration, as this affects everyone on the plane! Ask that there be a real changing table on every airline. Ask that they allow enough room for a parent and child to maneuver comfortably -- never mind that a handicapped person has no chance of being able to use the facilities as is (how do they get away with that?). Mention that you intend to fly only "family friendly" airlines. And while you're at it, make a pitch for seats that don't involve sharing your neighbor's personal space (okay, so that request has already fallen on deaf ears so never mind that). I want us to inundate the airlines with requests so that they will take it seriously. Post it on face book, share with friends, pass out a form letter or petition with multiple signatures. After all, it's a revolution.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Teen Pregnancy, Birth, and Motherhood
With the popularity of the newer reality shows on teen motherhood like MTV's 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom, some people believe that teen motherhood is being glamorized and that more teens will become pregnant. Only time will tell if these programs will have an impact on teen pregnancy, but most states, including California, are reporting a reduction in teen births in their latest statistics (from 2009). In California, the birth rate dropped to a new low, falling from 35.2 for every 1,000 teens in 2008 to 32.1 in 2009. That is mirroring the national birth rate, which has continued to decline over the past two years, presumably due to the economy. Our national birth rate is the lowest since the Great Depression, which is a significant statistic. In addition, abortions are up. With fewer pregnancies and more abortions, it necessarily follows that there are fewer adoptions.
Interestingly, while the birth rate among Latino teens dropped more than other groups, the Latino birth rate is still the highest among all ethnicities in California. At 50.8 per 1,000 Latino teens, Latino girls are at high risk for becoming pregnant as teens.
Teen motherhood is anything but glamorous. There is a higher rate of abuse among teen mothers and there are many negative consequences to the children of young moms. Typically fathers disappear or were never involved from the beginning. Financial resources are few, and teen moms rarely get a chance to continue their education and go on to college. Their own childhood cut short, they don't get to experience some of the rites of passage that their peers do -- from prom to date nights to sorority parties and meeting new and interesting friends at college.
Why then, do more teens not consider adoption? I think peer pressure is the answer. I have worked with teen moms who knew that they couldn't parent properly and wanted to go to college or into the military and they were harangued by their peers. "What kind of mother are you?" or "How could you give your baby away?" are some of the things said to young ladies I know who had made the best decision for their children. "It's hard enough to give up your child without having to defend that decision", said Rachel, one of our former birth moms. She was right. If that was the right decision for her and she wasn't hurting anyone and her baby was going to a good home, why should anyone try to make her feel guilty for opting to give herself and her child a better future? Teens can be vicious and judgmental. The fact is, they don't see the big picture. Not until they have tried to parent will they understand how difficult such an undertaking can be as a teen with no foundation or resources. When a young mom opts to place her child for adoption, rather than aborting that child, she is taking a big risk that her peers will condemn her and she will be ostracized. Why, then, is killing a child more acceptable? Teens empathize with their peers who have undergone an abortion and they support them. Yet, when adoption is discussed, they present a whole new attitude. It's as if, once you have decided to give birth, you are expected to deal with the consequences. It's almost a punishment. If you choose adoption over abortion, you are somehow the bad guy.
Teens need to start supporting their peers and there needs to be more mentorship by others who have gone through adoption, parenting, and abortion. I can tell you from counseling abortion survivors that it's no picnic. There is guilt and remorse, and fear of retribution (by a higher power). It is revisited once they have children later on and realize with full clarity just what has happened and that they can not bring that life back. It's tragic when our society has become more tolerant of abortion than adoption. There are unplanned pregnancies, but there are no unwanted children. I have homes for them all.
Interestingly, while the birth rate among Latino teens dropped more than other groups, the Latino birth rate is still the highest among all ethnicities in California. At 50.8 per 1,000 Latino teens, Latino girls are at high risk for becoming pregnant as teens.
Teen motherhood is anything but glamorous. There is a higher rate of abuse among teen mothers and there are many negative consequences to the children of young moms. Typically fathers disappear or were never involved from the beginning. Financial resources are few, and teen moms rarely get a chance to continue their education and go on to college. Their own childhood cut short, they don't get to experience some of the rites of passage that their peers do -- from prom to date nights to sorority parties and meeting new and interesting friends at college.
Why then, do more teens not consider adoption? I think peer pressure is the answer. I have worked with teen moms who knew that they couldn't parent properly and wanted to go to college or into the military and they were harangued by their peers. "What kind of mother are you?" or "How could you give your baby away?" are some of the things said to young ladies I know who had made the best decision for their children. "It's hard enough to give up your child without having to defend that decision", said Rachel, one of our former birth moms. She was right. If that was the right decision for her and she wasn't hurting anyone and her baby was going to a good home, why should anyone try to make her feel guilty for opting to give herself and her child a better future? Teens can be vicious and judgmental. The fact is, they don't see the big picture. Not until they have tried to parent will they understand how difficult such an undertaking can be as a teen with no foundation or resources. When a young mom opts to place her child for adoption, rather than aborting that child, she is taking a big risk that her peers will condemn her and she will be ostracized. Why, then, is killing a child more acceptable? Teens empathize with their peers who have undergone an abortion and they support them. Yet, when adoption is discussed, they present a whole new attitude. It's as if, once you have decided to give birth, you are expected to deal with the consequences. It's almost a punishment. If you choose adoption over abortion, you are somehow the bad guy.
Teens need to start supporting their peers and there needs to be more mentorship by others who have gone through adoption, parenting, and abortion. I can tell you from counseling abortion survivors that it's no picnic. There is guilt and remorse, and fear of retribution (by a higher power). It is revisited once they have children later on and realize with full clarity just what has happened and that they can not bring that life back. It's tragic when our society has become more tolerant of abortion than adoption. There are unplanned pregnancies, but there are no unwanted children. I have homes for them all.
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