Missing Pieces

The beauty of adoption today is that there are no secrets. Adoption is done openly and the birth mother knows her baby is going to a loving family and is able to get an occasional picture and update to give her peace of mind. The adopted child knows where they came from and has pictures and information about their family medical history. No search is necessary because there are no missing pieces. In years past, this was generally not the case. Birth mothers were spirited off to the homes of relatives or into maternity homes to have their babies in private and there was no information exchanged, leaving everyone to wonder about the missing pieces of their lives.

When I was hiring an administrative assistant a year and a half ago, one candidate not only possessed the talents and skills I needed, but she had an added advantage. She was adopted. So, Holly became a part of my staff. Not long after she began working for A Labor of Love Adoptions, Holly was answering phones and explaining to people who called how to search for birth parents or children placed for adoption years earlier. We get a number of those types of calls each week, and Holly became well-versed in how to instruct people on ways to search. After doing this for a while, Holly thought, "Why don't I try this myself?". She went on Adoption.com and posted a notice about herself. Then, a few days later, she did a Google search on the name of her doctor who, she knew from her parents, had facilitated the adoption. While she didn't find the doctor, who had retired, she did get connected (via the doctor's name) to a posting made by someone she suspected may be her birth mother. Armed with her name, she went back to Adoption.com and put that in and found a way to connect with the woman who had made the posting. One e-mail later, she had found her birth mother.

In subsequent e-mail and phone conversations, she learned more about the situation surrounding her birth and was given the name of her birth father. Holly went to the internet white pages and found him right away, in a town not far from that of her birth. She was pretty certain this was her birth father, but wanted to confirm that it was not someone with the same name, so she sent a letter. He soon wrote her back, a little apprehensive and unsure about the situation, but acknowledged that he could be her birth father. As was the case in many adoptions of that time, he had not been given any information at the time of the birth. He didn't know Holly's birthday or even that she was a girl. He had simply been told that the child was placed for adoption. He was understandably skeptical, but over time has come full circle and has accepted that he is Holly's biological father.

Holly has now found her birth mother, a sister she never had (she was an only child), and her birth father, who has not, as far as she knows, had any other children after fathering her. Next month, Holly will meet her birth mother, grandmother, and niece for the first time. Her mom will go with her for the meeting. There is also a plan to meet her birth father in September. Holly's mom is supportive and is excited about going with her for that meeting as well. This is a story that began 35 years ago. That's a long time to wonder about your history, your life, and where you came from. Her Mom and Dad (now deceased) will always be her mom and dad and no one can or will replace them. But it's nice to find the missing pieces in the puzzle of her life.