One of my readers asked me how to deal with the hospital in an adoption. That's a great question. For every hospital, there is a policy. Every policy is different. So, the key is to find out what that particular hospital's policy on adoption is. In a perfect world, with enough time, the attorney for the birth mother will notify the hospital in advance of the birth. The birth mothers wishes will be addressed (such as whether the baby will be brought to her or not), and the information about the adoptive family will also be included. Experiences at the hospital are as different as every baby, but there are things you can do to create an environment in which things go smoothly. First, once the attorney has made contact with the hospital and made them aware of the impending adoption, you can give the hospital a call. Ask for the social worker and introduce yourself. Let him or her know that you will be there soon for the birth of your baby. Ask about the hospital policy concerning adoptions. Typically a bracelet to access the nursery is given to one of the adoptive parents and the other is worn by the birth mother. Some hospitals are very adoption-friendly and will allow the adoptive parents a room to bond and, in some cases, will allow them to room in with the baby if birth mother is on board with that. In other cases, hospitals strictly prohibit anyone other than the biological parents from entering the nursery. If you know of this policy in advance, you can talk to a hospital administrator and see if they can bend or change the rules. If no one challenges it, the rule will never be changed.
You will find that nurses play a big part in the adoption plan. Most are supportive and will encourage bonding between you and the baby. In a small percentage of adoptions, nurses can be difficult and in a few cases, downright hostile. There are still some people who do not support or advocate adoption. You may, at times, encounter people like that. The best way to deal with them is to educate them. If you have a good relationship with your birth mother, she will be your advocate as well. She is, after all, the patient. The staff will listen to her desires and needs.
You can and should try to prepare for your time at the hospital. However, it's best to remember that not only can anything happen and plans can change -- they will. It's rare that everything goes according to plan, so plan for change. Take your sense of humor with you to the hospital and remember that to be parents, you'll need to learn to expect the unexpected and deal with it! This is good practice.
Some people freak out a little about the birth certificate. The birth mother will fill out the birth certificate herself. She may give the baby the name you have chosen and if she does, that is very sweet of her. If not, she may wish to give the baby a family name or something she has picked out. It's fine if she wants to do that. She should have a keepsake birth certificate that she can cherish. It's good to talk about that in advance and you may all decide on names that suit everyone and then it will stay the same. Otherwise, you will be allowed to change the name on the certificate at the time you finalize in court. Either way, you can call your baby anything you choose. Don't worry if the name you have chosen is not on the original birth certificate. It will be corrected at a later date.
Make sure you know the hospital policy, make a checklist of things you'll need to take with you in advance so that you don't need to think at all once you get that call, and be a good scout -- be prepared for anything. Your experience with the hospital and the birth of your child should be a happy one, so don't let the little things get to you. How long have you waited to be parents? Enjoy the moments as they come and let everything else go. Take lots of pictures too. We want to see them :).
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