Waiting adoptive families are understandably anxious about being selected and going home with their new baby. I wish I had the crystal ball that would tell us all when the wait would be over. That would be a huge relief for all of us. The fact is, being selected by a birth mother happens when the right match comes along. When that happens is pretty much up to fate. It's easy to get discouraged and one waiting adoptive mom said to me recently, "I don't feel comfortable selling myself". That's understandable and it is difficult if you look at it that way. After doing this for almost 15 years now, I look at it from a different perspective. I have seen, over the years, how babies and families who are supposed to be together find each other. It's less about "selling" yourself and more about being in the right place at the right time. Unfortunately, that sometimes involves waiting. If it were up to us, none of our families would wait and every birth mother would have the ideal match. In order for a good match to occur, however, much goes into making sure that everyone's wishes are considered. This tends to make for better matches. If we were to try to match adoptive families simply because they are "next" on the list, then we'd have mismatches and many more situations fail. The wait is one of patience (and sometimes impatience). If patience is a virtue, some of our adoptive families are very virtuous!
The parents of baby Stella, who went home last month, had waited longer than most of our adoptive families wait. They were understandably anxious and felt dejected and rejected. Then came Stella. She's a beautiful healthy girl and it couldn't be a better match. Adoptive mom, Rachel, stated that their birth mother "is now family". They wrote a note saying "Stella couldn't be more beautiful. We are having so much fun with our daughter. I guess good things DO happen with some patience". For what it's worth, all that waiting time disappears in an instant once there is a baby. I look at the waiting as labor pains for adoptive parents. It seems forever, but when it's over you forget about it as you enjoy your new baby. Many even do it again! Just like labor.
2 comments:
We have found that the wait has been the most difficult part of this adoption. While we know our baby will find us, it is so hard to wait with a nursery ready to welcome a baby.....and that nursery remains empty. You can never truly appreciate the adoption process until you experience it. I've found that you can then appreciate all that these families go through to make their dream come true. We continue to wait and pray that our little one is out there somewhere. Hugs to all those still waiting. And thanks Tina for the great blogs.
I've never thought of the waiting as being like labor, but you're right, it is. I'm looking forward to the day that our labor pains disappear and we get to bring out little one home. This is a great post. Thanks Tina!
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