With the popularity of the newer reality shows on teen motherhood like MTV's 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom, some people believe that teen motherhood is being glamorized and that more teens will become pregnant. Only time will tell if these programs will have an impact on teen pregnancy, but most states, including California, are reporting a reduction in teen births in their latest statistics (from 2009). In California, the birth rate dropped to a new low, falling from 35.2 for every 1,000 teens in 2008 to 32.1 in 2009. That is mirroring the national birth rate, which has continued to decline over the past two years, presumably due to the economy. Our national birth rate is the lowest since the Great Depression, which is a significant statistic. In addition, abortions are up. With fewer pregnancies and more abortions, it necessarily follows that there are fewer adoptions.
Interestingly, while the birth rate among Latino teens dropped more than other groups, the Latino birth rate is still the highest among all ethnicities in California. At 50.8 per 1,000 Latino teens, Latino girls are at high risk for becoming pregnant as teens.
Teen motherhood is anything but glamorous. There is a higher rate of abuse among teen mothers and there are many negative consequences to the children of young moms. Typically fathers disappear or were never involved from the beginning. Financial resources are few, and teen moms rarely get a chance to continue their education and go on to college. Their own childhood cut short, they don't get to experience some of the rites of passage that their peers do -- from prom to date nights to sorority parties and meeting new and interesting friends at college.
Why then, do more teens not consider adoption? I think peer pressure is the answer. I have worked with teen moms who knew that they couldn't parent properly and wanted to go to college or into the military and they were harangued by their peers. "What kind of mother are you?" or "How could you give your baby away?" are some of the things said to young ladies I know who had made the best decision for their children. "It's hard enough to give up your child without having to defend that decision", said Rachel, one of our former birth moms. She was right. If that was the right decision for her and she wasn't hurting anyone and her baby was going to a good home, why should anyone try to make her feel guilty for opting to give herself and her child a better future? Teens can be vicious and judgmental. The fact is, they don't see the big picture. Not until they have tried to parent will they understand how difficult such an undertaking can be as a teen with no foundation or resources. When a young mom opts to place her child for adoption, rather than aborting that child, she is taking a big risk that her peers will condemn her and she will be ostracized. Why, then, is killing a child more acceptable? Teens empathize with their peers who have undergone an abortion and they support them. Yet, when adoption is discussed, they present a whole new attitude. It's as if, once you have decided to give birth, you are expected to deal with the consequences. It's almost a punishment. If you choose adoption over abortion, you are somehow the bad guy.
Teens need to start supporting their peers and there needs to be more mentorship by others who have gone through adoption, parenting, and abortion. I can tell you from counseling abortion survivors that it's no picnic. There is guilt and remorse, and fear of retribution (by a higher power). It is revisited once they have children later on and realize with full clarity just what has happened and that they can not bring that life back. It's tragic when our society has become more tolerant of abortion than adoption. There are unplanned pregnancies, but there are no unwanted children. I have homes for them all.
Showing posts with label teen pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teen pregnancy. Show all posts
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, June 3, 2010
A Sad Day
Today is just a sad day. Everywhere I look there is news that is just...sad.
The situation in the Gulf is making me feel sick. Our beautiful pelicans, sea turtles, birds, fish, and wildlife are all coated with oil and many are dying. The oil isn't just on the surface. It is throughout the entire mile high water column. Everything that comes in contact with it is endangered. Fish can't breathe as it gets in their gills. Birds can't fly. Turtles are washing up on the beaches. Where is our government? I guess I put too much faith in those who have the power to do something. I understand the desire to drill for oil. I just don't understand why it is allowed a mile under the ocean where it can't be repaired to stopped in a crisis such as this. On land, this would have been capped quickly. It is polluting the Gulf, killing the animals, destroying white sand beaches. Those responsible say it may take another two months before the leak is stopped. It has been six weeks and 30% of the gulf is not safe for fishing at this point. How can they allow it to go on for so long? Our President has said that BP, British Petroleum,will have to pay for the entire clean up, so why not call in every expert available to get the problem solved and then bill it back to British Petroleum? BP is taking heat for the billions in dividends they were planning to pay their stock holders. Of course, they were going to do this without consideration for how much money they would need on hand to pay for the clean up. All the while, our President, our Congress, and even the States along the Gulf, seem to be sitting back and allowing the company who caused the problem sit around trying to figure out how to fix it.
Further South, Joran van der Sloot, the Dutch man who was suspected in the disappearance of Natalie Holloway five years ago, has been taken into custody after fleeing Peru. Exactly five years to the day after Natalie went missing without a trace in Aruba, A young Peruvian woman was killed and found in van der Sloot's hotel room. Her neck had been snapped and she had been beaten. She died on the floor and was left there, presumably by van der Sloot. Witnesses saw her enter the room with him, but she never left. I'm not sure what kind of a defense you can have after two young women mysteriously turn up dead, but it's obvious that this is young man has issues. Like O.J., he may have a good legal team, but everyone knows who did it.
Speaking of our government, a government survey released by the CDC yesterday indicated that a growing number of teen girls are using the "rhythm" method to avoid pregnancy. Since most teens (64% of boys and 70% of girls) think it's okay for an unmarried female to have a baby, it's a risk they seem to be willing to take. The teen pregnancy rate, is no longer dropping as it was in years past. 17% of teen girls are saying that they use the rhythm method of birth control. The study showed that 42% of never-married teens had had sex. Since that includes young teens, we can safely assume that most teens over the age of 15 are having sex. My high school health teacher had a saying that I still remember;
QUESTION: "What do you call a teen who uses the rhythm method?"
ANSWER: "A parent".
We're doing a placement with two small children this week. Birth mom is a 23 year old young woman who has given birth to five children. She stated to me that "I had five kids before I knew what what happening". Now, with no father in sight and no help from family and no job because she can't afford day care care for five children, she is having to make this difficult decision. She has already given up her youngest, now a 1 year old. The 2 year old and 3 year old will be placed with an adoptive family next week. She is going to parent the first two, ages 5 and 4. How do you explain to children that age what happened, why, and where their siblings are? It's a difficult and sad situation for everyone. I don't think the rhythm method is working and expecting teens to be abstinent in such a sexually-charged society seems naive. Beyond birth control, young people are taking risks with their health. A pregnancy ends in 40 weeks. Some STD's are forever. We can't presume that they get it. If you have teens, you should probably have "the talk" ...weekly.
The situation in the Gulf is making me feel sick. Our beautiful pelicans, sea turtles, birds, fish, and wildlife are all coated with oil and many are dying. The oil isn't just on the surface. It is throughout the entire mile high water column. Everything that comes in contact with it is endangered. Fish can't breathe as it gets in their gills. Birds can't fly. Turtles are washing up on the beaches. Where is our government? I guess I put too much faith in those who have the power to do something. I understand the desire to drill for oil. I just don't understand why it is allowed a mile under the ocean where it can't be repaired to stopped in a crisis such as this. On land, this would have been capped quickly. It is polluting the Gulf, killing the animals, destroying white sand beaches. Those responsible say it may take another two months before the leak is stopped. It has been six weeks and 30% of the gulf is not safe for fishing at this point. How can they allow it to go on for so long? Our President has said that BP, British Petroleum,will have to pay for the entire clean up, so why not call in every expert available to get the problem solved and then bill it back to British Petroleum? BP is taking heat for the billions in dividends they were planning to pay their stock holders. Of course, they were going to do this without consideration for how much money they would need on hand to pay for the clean up. All the while, our President, our Congress, and even the States along the Gulf, seem to be sitting back and allowing the company who caused the problem sit around trying to figure out how to fix it.
Further South, Joran van der Sloot, the Dutch man who was suspected in the disappearance of Natalie Holloway five years ago, has been taken into custody after fleeing Peru. Exactly five years to the day after Natalie went missing without a trace in Aruba, A young Peruvian woman was killed and found in van der Sloot's hotel room. Her neck had been snapped and she had been beaten. She died on the floor and was left there, presumably by van der Sloot. Witnesses saw her enter the room with him, but she never left. I'm not sure what kind of a defense you can have after two young women mysteriously turn up dead, but it's obvious that this is young man has issues. Like O.J., he may have a good legal team, but everyone knows who did it.
Speaking of our government, a government survey released by the CDC yesterday indicated that a growing number of teen girls are using the "rhythm" method to avoid pregnancy. Since most teens (64% of boys and 70% of girls) think it's okay for an unmarried female to have a baby, it's a risk they seem to be willing to take. The teen pregnancy rate, is no longer dropping as it was in years past. 17% of teen girls are saying that they use the rhythm method of birth control. The study showed that 42% of never-married teens had had sex. Since that includes young teens, we can safely assume that most teens over the age of 15 are having sex. My high school health teacher had a saying that I still remember;
QUESTION: "What do you call a teen who uses the rhythm method?"
ANSWER: "A parent".
We're doing a placement with two small children this week. Birth mom is a 23 year old young woman who has given birth to five children. She stated to me that "I had five kids before I knew what what happening". Now, with no father in sight and no help from family and no job because she can't afford day care care for five children, she is having to make this difficult decision. She has already given up her youngest, now a 1 year old. The 2 year old and 3 year old will be placed with an adoptive family next week. She is going to parent the first two, ages 5 and 4. How do you explain to children that age what happened, why, and where their siblings are? It's a difficult and sad situation for everyone. I don't think the rhythm method is working and expecting teens to be abstinent in such a sexually-charged society seems naive. Beyond birth control, young people are taking risks with their health. A pregnancy ends in 40 weeks. Some STD's are forever. We can't presume that they get it. If you have teens, you should probably have "the talk" ...weekly.
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Glamorization of Teen Motherhood
Often times potential adoptive parents assume that their birth mother will be a teen mom. They are surprised to learn that our average birth mom is 29 and already has two children. The teen pregnancy rate has risen since 2006 in the U.S. (in comparison to Canada, where teen pregnancy has dropped 38% since 1994). Shows on television and movies tend to glamorize teen pregnancy and in recent years there has been very little, if any, social pressure on teens to avoid pregnancy. The pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears of "Zoey 101" and the movie "Juno", as well as other popular celebrities have desensitized us to the down side of having a baby while still so young. Our new social norm is acceptance of teen pregnancy. In 2006, 441,832 babies were born to teen moms in the U.S. That is a staggering number. The fact is, most teen moms don't place their babies for adoption, they parent. MTV has chronicled teen pregnancy in a number of shows, including "16 and Pregnant". Their most recent reality show which showcases teens who are parents is entitled "Teen Mom". Some of the teens featured have expressed a desire to show other teens how difficult parenting is as a single teen. Typically, even those who have partners end up parenting alone after the stressors and demands of parenting cause the partners to fight and part ways. Statistics show that most teen relationships don't last, despite the intense feelings and passion.
While the teen pregnancy rate has gone up, so has the incidence of abortions. The adoption rate has gone down during the same period of time. Rather than interrupting their own teen years and their education with the responsibilities of parenthood and adult decisions, we should be promoting education to prevent pregnancy and, if it happens, adoption as an acceptable means to take responsibility for what has occurred. I would love to see adoption profiled on television, and normalized to the extent that teen pregnancy has been. While it's not good for any teen to have to experience childbirth and everything that goes with it, adoption can be a win-win-win situation, with the birth parents moving forward to their own goals, childless or infertile couples being given the opportunity to have a family, and most of all, the baby landing safely in a stable, secure place where all of their needs are met, without resentment and disrupted schedules, and with the love and devotion of, ideally, two parents who are ready to meet the day to day demands of a newborn. I am a single parent, and I am not saying that single parents can't parent well. They most definitely can. But even for those of us who do it, it's not ideal. So, we shouldn't, as a society, glamorize teen pregnancy. It's not easy and it's not fair to teen moms. I've heard parents of pregnant teens say things like "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it"...meaning that somehow going it alone is the punishment for getting pregnant in the first place. Parenting should not be a punishment. It is the hardest thing anyone will ever do, and to put that responsibility on a teen girl is asking way too much, even if she thinks it's what she wants. We need to teach our teens how to act responsibly and how to protect themselves and their education from going down a path that will be hard on them and their children. No decisions should be forced on anyone, but all options should be explored and offered. Let's not glamorize pregnancy and childbirth for children.
While the teen pregnancy rate has gone up, so has the incidence of abortions. The adoption rate has gone down during the same period of time. Rather than interrupting their own teen years and their education with the responsibilities of parenthood and adult decisions, we should be promoting education to prevent pregnancy and, if it happens, adoption as an acceptable means to take responsibility for what has occurred. I would love to see adoption profiled on television, and normalized to the extent that teen pregnancy has been. While it's not good for any teen to have to experience childbirth and everything that goes with it, adoption can be a win-win-win situation, with the birth parents moving forward to their own goals, childless or infertile couples being given the opportunity to have a family, and most of all, the baby landing safely in a stable, secure place where all of their needs are met, without resentment and disrupted schedules, and with the love and devotion of, ideally, two parents who are ready to meet the day to day demands of a newborn. I am a single parent, and I am not saying that single parents can't parent well. They most definitely can. But even for those of us who do it, it's not ideal. So, we shouldn't, as a society, glamorize teen pregnancy. It's not easy and it's not fair to teen moms. I've heard parents of pregnant teens say things like "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it"...meaning that somehow going it alone is the punishment for getting pregnant in the first place. Parenting should not be a punishment. It is the hardest thing anyone will ever do, and to put that responsibility on a teen girl is asking way too much, even if she thinks it's what she wants. We need to teach our teens how to act responsibly and how to protect themselves and their education from going down a path that will be hard on them and their children. No decisions should be forced on anyone, but all options should be explored and offered. Let's not glamorize pregnancy and childbirth for children.
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