The Associated Press today reported that pregnant women are seeking abortions in record numbers. There's no secret as to why this is occurring -- our economy is affecting everyone. Some women who even desired and planned a pregnancy have reconsidered due to their current financial issues. A record number of abortions were performed by Planned Parenthood of Illinois clinics in January. There is no way to get up to date statistics on abortions throughout the nation, but many private and government agencies are reporting a significant increase in the abortions requested. I learned something new by reading this article. There is actually an organization called the National Network of Abortion Funds, which helps pay for abortions for women who can't afford them. Then there is the National Abortion Federation. Why don't we have something similar for adoption? It's interesting that people will donate to take a life, but not to save one. I'm not faulting women for feeling as if they can't handle additional responsibilities, financial and otherwise. I'm simply saying that there is no excuse for the fact that life is not valued as much as "choice". Shouldn't it be supported at least as much as abortion, if not more so? There should be funds to support both adoption and single parenthood when finances are the only issue standing in the way of life or death for an unborn child. Prior to that, assistance obtaining birth control would eliminate part of the problem.
Additionally, the economy is affecting those who want to plan a family. Fear of losing jobs or not having enough money to make it through the recession is causing people not to plan to have a child that they would have chosen to have. Those who have made the choice of life for their child may not have insurance to cover maternity benefits. There is so much money being spent on the abortion industry. What if all that money went to help women complete their pregnancies and get through the tough times or place their child for adoption should they have that desire? I'm praying for all of the lives lost. Who would they have been?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Missing Pieces
The beauty of adoption today is that there are no secrets. Adoption is done openly and the birth mother knows her baby is going to a loving family and is able to get an occasional picture and update to give her peace of mind. The adopted child knows where they came from and has pictures and information about their family medical history. No search is necessary because there are no missing pieces. In years past, this was generally not the case. Birth mothers were spirited off to the homes of relatives or into maternity homes to have their babies in private and there was no information exchanged, leaving everyone to wonder about the missing pieces of their lives.
When I was hiring an administrative assistant a year and a half ago, one candidate not only possessed the talents and skills I needed, but she had an added advantage. She was adopted. So, Holly became a part of my staff. Not long after she began working for A Labor of Love Adoptions, Holly was answering phones and explaining to people who called how to search for birth parents or children placed for adoption years earlier. We get a number of those types of calls each week, and Holly became well-versed in how to instruct people on ways to search. After doing this for a while, Holly thought, "Why don't I try this myself?". She went on Adoption.com and posted a notice about herself. Then, a few days later, she did a Google search on the name of her doctor who, she knew from her parents, had facilitated the adoption. While she didn't find the doctor, who had retired, she did get connected (via the doctor's name) to a posting made by someone she suspected may be her birth mother. Armed with her name, she went back to Adoption.com and put that in and found a way to connect with the woman who had made the posting. One e-mail later, she had found her birth mother.
In subsequent e-mail and phone conversations, she learned more about the situation surrounding her birth and was given the name of her birth father. Holly went to the internet white pages and found him right away, in a town not far from that of her birth. She was pretty certain this was her birth father, but wanted to confirm that it was not someone with the same name, so she sent a letter. He soon wrote her back, a little apprehensive and unsure about the situation, but acknowledged that he could be her birth father. As was the case in many adoptions of that time, he had not been given any information at the time of the birth. He didn't know Holly's birthday or even that she was a girl. He had simply been told that the child was placed for adoption. He was understandably skeptical, but over time has come full circle and has accepted that he is Holly's biological father.
Holly has now found her birth mother, a sister she never had (she was an only child), and her birth father, who has not, as far as she knows, had any other children after fathering her. Next month, Holly will meet her birth mother, grandmother, and niece for the first time. Her mom will go with her for the meeting. There is also a plan to meet her birth father in September. Holly's mom is supportive and is excited about going with her for that meeting as well. This is a story that began 35 years ago. That's a long time to wonder about your history, your life, and where you came from. Her Mom and Dad (now deceased) will always be her mom and dad and no one can or will replace them. But it's nice to find the missing pieces in the puzzle of her life.
When I was hiring an administrative assistant a year and a half ago, one candidate not only possessed the talents and skills I needed, but she had an added advantage. She was adopted. So, Holly became a part of my staff. Not long after she began working for A Labor of Love Adoptions, Holly was answering phones and explaining to people who called how to search for birth parents or children placed for adoption years earlier. We get a number of those types of calls each week, and Holly became well-versed in how to instruct people on ways to search. After doing this for a while, Holly thought, "Why don't I try this myself?". She went on Adoption.com and posted a notice about herself. Then, a few days later, she did a Google search on the name of her doctor who, she knew from her parents, had facilitated the adoption. While she didn't find the doctor, who had retired, she did get connected (via the doctor's name) to a posting made by someone she suspected may be her birth mother. Armed with her name, she went back to Adoption.com and put that in and found a way to connect with the woman who had made the posting. One e-mail later, she had found her birth mother.
In subsequent e-mail and phone conversations, she learned more about the situation surrounding her birth and was given the name of her birth father. Holly went to the internet white pages and found him right away, in a town not far from that of her birth. She was pretty certain this was her birth father, but wanted to confirm that it was not someone with the same name, so she sent a letter. He soon wrote her back, a little apprehensive and unsure about the situation, but acknowledged that he could be her birth father. As was the case in many adoptions of that time, he had not been given any information at the time of the birth. He didn't know Holly's birthday or even that she was a girl. He had simply been told that the child was placed for adoption. He was understandably skeptical, but over time has come full circle and has accepted that he is Holly's biological father.
Holly has now found her birth mother, a sister she never had (she was an only child), and her birth father, who has not, as far as she knows, had any other children after fathering her. Next month, Holly will meet her birth mother, grandmother, and niece for the first time. Her mom will go with her for the meeting. There is also a plan to meet her birth father in September. Holly's mom is supportive and is excited about going with her for that meeting as well. This is a story that began 35 years ago. That's a long time to wonder about your history, your life, and where you came from. Her Mom and Dad (now deceased) will always be her mom and dad and no one can or will replace them. But it's nice to find the missing pieces in the puzzle of her life.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Bringing Home Baby
I don't watch much television due to my fairly busy schedule, but this morning while getting ready for work I caught a show called "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC. I have to admit that having worked in Labor and Delivery for 7 years, I am still addicted to watching babies being born. I have yet to remain dry-eyed while observing or participating in the delivery of a baby. It's very moving to be there at the beginning of a life. It's definitely a privilege. When adoptive families are fortunate enough to be asked by a birth mother to be present at delivery, they should accept without reservation. While it may seem a little strange or feel somewhat foreign to be present while someone you don't know well is laboring and delivering -- a very intimate and private thing -- it is an experience that will bond you all, and will forever be a special memory you can share with your child. It becomes not about the privacy issue at all. It becomes a moment when you will all bear witness to the birth of a life and it's the gift of a lifetime.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Advertising, Business, and the Advertising Business
Even though I do adoptions, my job is more of a glorified advertising representative, as I spend a lot of my time sorting through tear pages and placing ads. While we do mostly yellow page advertising, I'm always on the lookout for additional ways to connect birth moms to adoptive families and to promote what we do. I recently stumbled upon a new concept that I think may take off in the world of advertising and I believe in it enough to put some of our own advertising dollars into it and I am actively promoting it as a solid business concept. While I don't advocate placing adoptive parent or birth mom information out there on the internet for all to see, I do think the internet is a powerful advertising tool. I just hadn't seen a way that it might work for us. Local Ad Link is a company founded by Bob McNulty, who is commonly associated with e-commerce. He has been successful in implementing several innovative business concepts, such as Home Depot, and Local Ad Link is another one. It goes public in April and my guess is that it will take off. The reason I am talking about it is because it is a new and exciting business opportunity for not only people who are currently out of work, but also those new moms who want to stop working outside of the home so that they can stay at home with their new babies, and yet still earn an income. The current job market being what it is makes it even more intriguing. The goal of Local Ad Link was to have 4,000 representatives when they go public in April. They already have 30,000 as people recognize what a ground floor opportunity it may be. While I have been rather outspoken on the topic of multi-level marketing, this is a company that I could see working. There is no guarantee, but everyone who is in business needs advertising, and they have made it affordable and localized. If you're interested in learning more about Local Ad Link, check out the video on the following site; http://www.localads2go.com. It may be a good opportunity. Contact me if you'd like to talk more about it.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A Hidden Danger - Button Batteries
Growing up in our generation, batteries were too large for a child to swallow. Now, we have "button batteries" in watches, TV, VCR, and stereo remote controls, various other household gadgets, and even children's toys. Who knew a remote controlled car or a talking doll could be deadly? Who doesn't have a remote control for the television within reach of a child? Button batteries are not toys. When a small child ingests one, it gets lodged in their esophagus and can be a silent killer. If a child is not old enough to tell you what has happened or doesn't want to mention that they swallowed something, or even doesn't know it was wrong, you may not know until it's too late. In as little as three hours, a battery can begin to corrode in water. The body's fluids and digestive acids can hasten this process. When the battery begins to corrode, it can eat through the esophagus or the lining of the stomach in a very short time. By the time a child is uncomfortable, damage is being done. By the time you get the child to the doctor or an emergency room and x-rays discover the foreign object, the child's life could be in imminent danger or the esophagus permanently damaged, leaving the child to contend with the inability to eat or swallow for a lifetime.
The only way to protect a child against this problem is to make sure that any device in your home which has one of these batteries is either locked away safely or requires a tool to get into the device to change the battery. In some cases -- watches for instance -- the battery can simply be popped off the back. With toys, make sure that the hinged door that houses the battery is actually screwed on, rather than just being a latch.
I think we're going to hear more and more about the dangers of these batteries, but not before many children die or are permanently injured as a result. Please make it a point to share with your friends and relatives that this is a hidden danger and needs to be monitored strictly. If your child is in day care or pre-school, be sure to alert your caregivers. A tiny battery can be swallowed in an instant and if you were simply looking away, you wouldn't have a clue. The problem is that, in this type of situation, there is no margin for error.
The only way to protect a child against this problem is to make sure that any device in your home which has one of these batteries is either locked away safely or requires a tool to get into the device to change the battery. In some cases -- watches for instance -- the battery can simply be popped off the back. With toys, make sure that the hinged door that houses the battery is actually screwed on, rather than just being a latch.
I think we're going to hear more and more about the dangers of these batteries, but not before many children die or are permanently injured as a result. Please make it a point to share with your friends and relatives that this is a hidden danger and needs to be monitored strictly. If your child is in day care or pre-school, be sure to alert your caregivers. A tiny battery can be swallowed in an instant and if you were simply looking away, you wouldn't have a clue. The problem is that, in this type of situation, there is no margin for error.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Last year, early in the morning on March 17, my phone rang. I was awakened at 5:30 a.m. by a familiar voice -- one I hadn't heard in a while, but recognized immediately. It's not unusual in my world to get early morning calls, and I have no problem waking up to hear the news of a baby being born. That kind of news never gets old. Rosa was on the phone. Even though she had stopped by the office a few months before, she had not told us she was pregnant. Actually, it was the second time she had called me from the local hospital after giving birth. She knew we were there, and even though she knew the process, waited until the baby was actually born before she called. I'm not sure why she waited, since she already knew us from the previous placement, but some birth moms just don't really want to think about it until it can no longer be put off. So, with the news that she had just given birth to a baby girl, Rosa asked if we could help her find a good family once again. Normally when a full or half sibling is being placed for adoption, we try to check with the family who has the first one, in case the siblings can be together, but in this case since there was no warning, there was no current home study in place, so we began the search for the right family. We didn't have to look far.
Kristin and Keith had experienced a terrible disappointment prior to beginning their adoption process with us. Rosa immediately liked them and wanted to help heal their hearts. They left West Virginia with hope in their hearts and more than a little trepidation. Rosa was so grateful to meet and see them bonding with the baby. It was a lovely match. Soon they got past their fears of another failure and baby Kylie quickly became the center of her parents universe! I have to laugh when I think back on it. Keith actually jumped up to change the first dirty diaper! I imagine that the novelty of that has worn off by now. It was great to have one of our families out here in California and I was able to spend some time with them and enjoyed seeing them happily learning about their first born. Kristin brought tears to my eyes as she said to Keith, who was holding baby Kylie, "Honey, we never could have done anything so perfect." At that moment, a mother was born. I knew that Kristin was as much Kylie's "real" mother as Rosa. I know Rosa knew that too, as she thanked Keith and Kristin for giving Kylie a good life and being her parents.
As it happened, I was headed out to Pittsburgh the following week and they got clearance from ICPC to go home just in the nick of time to fly with me. It was great to hear the flight attendants fussing over baby Kylie. In the airport, a woman came up and looked at Kristin and Keith (who are very light complected Caucasian people) and said to Kristin, "Oh, you look great for just having given birth!". Kristin had us all laughing with her response. She said, "Hellllllo! This baby is Hispanic, so I can't take credit for giving birth, but isn't she beautiful!?". And she is. A little Hispanic leprechan born on St. Patty's Day. Kylie not only got two great parents, she will have an extra "aunt and uncle" and will get to grow up knowing her full sibling, who lives not far away.
So, Kylie's birthday will always be linked with that date for me. Happy first birthday, Kylie! May the road rise up to meet you! Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Kristin and Keith had experienced a terrible disappointment prior to beginning their adoption process with us. Rosa immediately liked them and wanted to help heal their hearts. They left West Virginia with hope in their hearts and more than a little trepidation. Rosa was so grateful to meet and see them bonding with the baby. It was a lovely match. Soon they got past their fears of another failure and baby Kylie quickly became the center of her parents universe! I have to laugh when I think back on it. Keith actually jumped up to change the first dirty diaper! I imagine that the novelty of that has worn off by now. It was great to have one of our families out here in California and I was able to spend some time with them and enjoyed seeing them happily learning about their first born. Kristin brought tears to my eyes as she said to Keith, who was holding baby Kylie, "Honey, we never could have done anything so perfect." At that moment, a mother was born. I knew that Kristin was as much Kylie's "real" mother as Rosa. I know Rosa knew that too, as she thanked Keith and Kristin for giving Kylie a good life and being her parents.
As it happened, I was headed out to Pittsburgh the following week and they got clearance from ICPC to go home just in the nick of time to fly with me. It was great to hear the flight attendants fussing over baby Kylie. In the airport, a woman came up and looked at Kristin and Keith (who are very light complected Caucasian people) and said to Kristin, "Oh, you look great for just having given birth!". Kristin had us all laughing with her response. She said, "Hellllllo! This baby is Hispanic, so I can't take credit for giving birth, but isn't she beautiful!?". And she is. A little Hispanic leprechan born on St. Patty's Day. Kylie not only got two great parents, she will have an extra "aunt and uncle" and will get to grow up knowing her full sibling, who lives not far away.
So, Kylie's birthday will always be linked with that date for me. Happy first birthday, Kylie! May the road rise up to meet you! Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Life Goes On
What a week! We've spent the past week moving into our new office. What I thought would be a four day weekend project turned into a much longer process. We're in the new building, but building walls, adding carpet, and doing finish work took longer than expected and we were finally able to move our furniture into place. Now comes the real work of unpacking all of the boxes and finding places for everything and putting everything in it's place! Holly and I are exhausted and it'll be another few days before we can give updates and have our ducks in a row, but we're getting there.
In the meantime, life goes on! While we were busy moving, two of our families were traveling to get their new additions. David and Karin came all the way from Belgium to be present at the birth of their new daughter, Sarah Grace, in their home state of Wyoming. It won't be hard for me to remember Sarah's birthday, as she shares her birthday with me! Sarah joins big sister Elizabeth, who seems quite happy to have a little sister to play with.
Matthew Malakai was born in Massachusetts and is almost ready to go home with new parents, Eliot and Gina, of California. As first time parents, they are more than a little excited. Deb Peckham, our MA social worker, has been invaluable in working with their birth mom to assist and make the adoption go smoothly. Our families are fortunate when they get to work with Deb. I'm looking forward to getting to see little Matthew when they get back to California!
We don't often get to see our babies after they go home due to geographical logistics, so photos are very important. We love it when we get photos of new babies (and updated photos of our kids). I'll share the photos of these recent babies and others in the next newsletter, so keep them coming!
In the meantime, life goes on! While we were busy moving, two of our families were traveling to get their new additions. David and Karin came all the way from Belgium to be present at the birth of their new daughter, Sarah Grace, in their home state of Wyoming. It won't be hard for me to remember Sarah's birthday, as she shares her birthday with me! Sarah joins big sister Elizabeth, who seems quite happy to have a little sister to play with.
Matthew Malakai was born in Massachusetts and is almost ready to go home with new parents, Eliot and Gina, of California. As first time parents, they are more than a little excited. Deb Peckham, our MA social worker, has been invaluable in working with their birth mom to assist and make the adoption go smoothly. Our families are fortunate when they get to work with Deb. I'm looking forward to getting to see little Matthew when they get back to California!
We don't often get to see our babies after they go home due to geographical logistics, so photos are very important. We love it when we get photos of new babies (and updated photos of our kids). I'll share the photos of these recent babies and others in the next newsletter, so keep them coming!
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