The Adoption Duggars - A Day in the Life

We've all heard of the Duggars -- the family on TLC with "19 Kids and Counting". Well it's Mother's Day this weekend, so that family does come to mind, but so does another one. I call them "The Adoption Duggars". Parents Michelle and Jim Bob are replaced by Katie and Dale. Katie was an only child and is making up for that big time. I've known Katie since the early days, just after she adopted two sets of siblings. Her first foray into motherhood came in her mid-30s when she adopted six children at once, four girls and two boys, all around the ages of 9, 10, and 11. Now the pre-teen era isn't pretty, but when you have six kids all the same age range, well, it makes me wonder how Katie still has hair, much less the waist-length tresses she sports. I'm not even going to talk about hormonal changes here (kids, not mom!).

Once those children grew older, they adopted again. This time a set of triplets and their sibling sister. I'm not sure Katie knows how to parent in small numbers. She was so used to multi-tasking by this point that she just took it all in stride. Humor punctuates the mix. It would have to. After the triplets came the desire for an infant, since they had never parented a baby. One lonely baby boy later, they adopted another sibling group of three young boys -- ready made playmates. At fourteen kids, you'd think that hearts and hands would be full, but wait! They had never parented a baby girl, so the search was on. That adoption happened on the day before Halloween last year. Just after they found out that their baby daughter was on the way, they got unexpected news. They had previously applied to adopt in Ethiopia to save a child. They felt that they could make a difference in one child's life. Not only did they receive news that they had been approved to travel to Ethiopia, they found out they were getting twins!

So, our "Adoption Duggars" have children who are 24, 23, 22, 22, 21, 20, 16, 14, 14, 14, 9, 7, 6, 6, 8 months, 8 months, and 6 months. This includes one set of fraternal triplets and one set of identical twins, the last of which are paired with a baby their age making them pseudo-triplets. The score is girls 9, boys 8.

I asked Katie what her typical day was like. Mistake. I got tired just reading about it. She sent me her itinerary for May 1. It goes like this...one son has community service 9:00am-1:00pm; four youngest boys have dance 11:30am-12:00pm. Daughter has dance 12:00pm-2:30pm. Two daughters, aunt, and three baby girls, along with mom have a mother/daughter tea to attend from 11:00am-1:00pm; 16 year old has a formal dinner to attend so there is hair, make-up, dress, corsage, etc. Must be at school by 4:00 pm; One daughter has to attend awards banquet at school from 5:00pm-7:00pm with Mom and Dad (highest GPA award in her grade level-9th); Oldest son has to be to work 7:00am-2:00pm; another son has to work from 9:00am-3:00pm; daughter works 5:00pm-9:30pm; 16 year old has to be picked up from formal at 11:00pm. Katie classifies herself (among other things) as the "air traffic controller". She coordinates rides to and from all activities. That's no small task when you filter in that anyone taking the younger children must drive the big van. While there are four drivers in the house (some of the kids are on their own), there are three vehicles and with all the taxi rides going back and forth, it takes a fair amount of logistical planning just to get everyone to and from their activities.

This is just one day in the life and doesn't include dental and doctor visits, football or baseball sign-ups (birth certificates in hand), drama team practice, bell choir practice (national competition) at church, girl scouts, volunteering, college classes and school graduations (college, trade school, high school, and kindergarten!), end of year programs, and normal activities like grocery shopping and laundry. Laundry -- four washers and four dryers -- need I say more?

Seriously, I had trouble getting one or two kids out the door and to school on time each morning. I can't even imagine the logistics! I told Katie that I thought perhaps she must be buying energy drinks in bulk. Her response was that she drinks McDonald's sweet tea. I don't know what's in that stuff, but it must be pretty powerful! I'm gonna have to try it. After all, I still have one left in the nest.

Katie is having a bit of Mom withdrawal, having just sent one son off to boot camp with mixed emotions. Even one little birdie leaving the nest is stressful!

So, again this year, Katie gets my vote for Mother of the Year. She does crazy amounts of work, all while managing a job and she does it with humor. Dale is no slouch either, caring for the kids when Mom is working. They have it all down to a science. They get where they need to be and no one misses a thing. They even traveled to California to go to a wedding and Disneyland (before the babies) and I marveled at their level of efficiency. Each child had a backpack and a pillow. Katie and Dale had one suitcase full of blow up beds. A trip to McDonalds? 30 Hamburgers please! It never mattered to Katie and Dale what race or gender the kids were. The only criteria was "Do they need us?".

On this Mother's Day, my hat is off to Katie, and all of those other mothers out there with big or small families. Mom is the cog in the wheel -- the one person needed to make everything work. When you contemplate motherhood, with all of it's challenges and sleepless nights, think of Katie and you'll realize you can do it!

For the past ten years or so, my nomination for Mother of the Year has always been the same. Katie is the adoption world's answer to The Duggers (18 kids and counting)! Her mission in life has been to provide a home to children in crisis or kids who didn't have another hope for being adopted into a family. She has adopted several older sibling groups of three or four kids at a time. We all know how much fun teens and pre-teens are to parent! She took on that task times six when she began her adoption journey with two sibling groups who were just about to enter their teens. Being a first time mom to a half dozen kids in transition while still trying to get to know and love them is not for the faint of heart. Katie took it all in stride and with a sense of humor.

Later on, she adopted a set of triplets and their sister, again pre-teens. I'm sure plenty of people have used the word "crazy" to describe this woman of faith and courage! She is crazy. She's crazy for kids and for the work God has given her. She has had her share of heartbreak, including a few adoption failures. She had a baby girl for four months who had to be returned to the birth mother. In her heart, she's still the Mom of that baby. She had a young sibling group of three fall through later on. She waited a very long time before being able to rescue three of her boys from foster care. She was able to adopt one premature newborn who was so fragile, people were scared to pick him up or care for him. This is Katie's life. How she does it is a mystery to this mom of three. I can't imagine how she gets everyone in line and where they are supposed to be on time and without pulling her hair out. Each child has his or her own interests and talents and those are nurtured. There is a system for everything (I won't even talk about laundry for that many people!).

Katie has been through unbelievable trials and tribulations. With older kids coming out of foster care, she has dealt with abuse and neglect of every kind imaginable. She has taken these kids with broken lives and given them a sense of security, a place to call home, an education, and more than anything else, love. Her husband, Dale, is no slouch either! Dale has to be a saint. If not, he will be! He is kind and patient and supportive and knows that when God talks, Katie listens and he's there to help.

Tomorrow, Katie and Dale will be headed out to South Carolina for a very special birth. They will be adopting their 15th child (the older ones are out of the house!). October 29 will be baby Mia's birthday. I was speaking with Katie today and she talked about the excitement of having a newborn baby after missing out on the baby and toddler stages with her older kids. She can't wait. She cried when she told me how God put this child in her heart and that, despite having many children, she is not done and she knows she needs to be the mother of this little one. Katie has always told me that she wants the children that need her most. It doesn't matter about past history, age, or race. She just wants to be there for the ones who need her. She went on to say that her birth mother has nothing and she wants to help, but can't due to restrictions in PA about support or gifts of any kind to the birth mother. It breaks her heart to know that her birth mother is living in a house with no heat and no furniture.

I have yet to figure out how from 3,000 miles away, but I want to do two things. I want to give Katie the first baby shower she has ever had. I also want to find a way to provide some assistance and gift cards for her birth mother, who has two children, ages 3 and 14 months. She's just trying to find a way to take care of her kids and provide for them at Christmas, and she hasn't asked for a thing. When Katie offered to bring a used toddler bed for her, she profusely thanked her four times saying, "It's a blessing. I don't have anything." If anyone wants to help, please let me know. If you have any ideas, send them my way. If anyone deserves a baby shower and anything we can do for her, it's Katie. I feel privileged to know her and call her friend. She is quite an inspiration.