Happy New Year!

Today is the last day of 2008. It's a time for reflection and renewal. It's been a year of joy and also sadness. Perhaps that is true of any year. I stumbled upon a quote that I found relevant when reflecting.

"They whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now...wherever we are."

I wish everyone a peaceful and prosperous new year. I hope you will join me in praying for peace and also for the well-being of those who are helpless -- babies, animals, the elderly, and the disabled. Please pray for our soldiers, officers, and firemen, who protect us even as we sleep. Blessings and love are wished for each of you and I hold all of you in my heart. Happy New Year 2009! I challenge you to pay it forward and do good things.

A Christmas Heartbreak

It's happened again. In Santa Rosa County, Florida, along a wooded stretch of highway near Clear Creek Road and Highway 87, adjacent to a sign which says "no littering", a family walking their dog in the woods was shocked when their dog alerted them and they stumbled upon a newborn baby. The baby had been left out in the elements to die. It did. Police haven't even released the gender of the baby or any details, but even without knowing all of that, my heart is broken. No matter how I try to rationalize why someone would do this, I can't come up with any reasonable answer. There are safe haven laws. There are adoption agencies. There are hospitals and there are shelters. There are so many places where a newborn would stand a chance. There are so many people who would lovingly stretch out their arms, no questions asked, to receive the child. I have no doubt the infant's mother knew there were ways to keep her baby safe. It's impossible to grow up within our society and not know this. I have no doubt that the baby was left there intentionally with the thought that it would most certainly perish. I will always ask why.

It's Christmastime and in just a couple of days we will welcome a New Year -- a fresh start, with renewed hope. At least that's what most people will do. I wonder about the mother who left her child in the woods. I wonder about the family who obviously didn't embrace her pregnancy. I wonder how we could have prevented this tragedy. How do we educate those who would do this? There are so many loving homes waiting. This was a preventable death. This child didn't need to die cold and alone in the forest. There was a warm home and a clean bed waiting for this child. There were many. How is this possible? I'm not sure how to begin to forgive for such an atrocity. Please pray for the young woman at the heart of this heartbreak. She has sacrificed more than the life of her child -- she has sacrificed her soul. "Abandonment" is a word that should never be used in the same sentence as the word "Mother".

This is only one child. But who would this child be? Would this child grow to be a Pulitzer prize winning author, or perhaps a gifted musician, or a surgeon who pioneered a new procedure? Would this child have married and had children or been a holy man or a peacemaker? How did the death of this one baby impact the world? The ripples in the pond are endless. With one senseless act, our world has changed dramatically. We will never know how profoundly.

The Christmas Spirit

When it gets close to the holidays, I love opening my mail. It's not the usual junk mail and bills. The holiday cards start arriving and, with them, the pictures of our babies and children, with news of their year. It's the highlight of my day when I get to sit down and read over all of the cards. Today, I opened my mail and, as usual, posted all of the pictures of families and the children and cards on a wooden cabinet in the main hallway of our office where everyone can see them. As I got to the last envelope, I was disheartened by what I found myself reading.

Suzi and Jeff adopted Katie 11 years ago. When they decided to adopt again, along came Jillian, now a spunky 7 year old. Their family complete, they settled into what should have been an idyllic life. Then Jeff got sick. This year, the cancer that made Jeff so ill took his life, leaving Suzi to raise the girls by herself. To go through life, chapter by chapter, sharing the pain, the joy, the heartaches and the triumphs, only to be unable to finish the book is profoundly unfair. But, life isn't fair. Katie and Jillian are learning this at a tender age. This will be their first Christmas without their father there to put together toys or eat the cookies left for Santa.

Unfortunately, many of us have experienced losses that cause us to understand how precious life is. It's not a club that anyone wants to be in and, yet, only those who are in it truly understand. Suzi, I am supremely saddened by your loss and I pray that you, Katie, and Jillian will heal and receive blessings beyond whatever you thought possible after such a difficult time in your life. The holidays can be a tough time, especially so soon after you've lost someone you love. You will continue to see Jeff in each one of the girls as they grow.

Jeff, just like Suzi, wanted to be a parent and worked hard to achieve that goal. He had to leave too soon to see his girls learn to drive, go on a first date, or walk them down the aisle. But I am certain that he is watching them every step of the way and cheering every accomplishment from the sidelines. I'm sure he would say he is so proud of Suzi and his girls. I'm sure he would say we should all cherish our loved ones and never take them for granted. We should love one another and spread the Christmas spirit all year long. That's really what Christmas is all about. Rest in peace, Jeff.

Welcome Alec and the New Year!

It seems I have barely gotten used to writing "2008" and it's already December! We'll be writing "2009" before we know it. I am amazed at how quickly the year has passed. It's been quite a year. We've had good times and bad times. The economy seems to be at an all time low -- at least within our lifetime. And yet, life goes on, the cycle is unbroken. Loved ones pass away, people who are important to us vanish from our lives, and new babies are born. Our lives change and time marches on. Sometimes we look back and it's hard to believe it's just been a year because the landscape of our lives is so different than it once was. We find ourselves at crossroads where decisions are made to take one fork of the road or the other (we can go down radically different paths). Either way, we don't stay in the same place. Hopefully we end up in a better place for the decisions we've made. I am looking forward to 2009. I believe it will be a very good year for all of us. The economy will likely get better (could it really get worse?), and at A Labor of Love we have some plans to expand our footprints on the adoption world. It's been a generally slow year for adoptions, pretty much everywhere as far as I can tell. Some major adoption agencies have closed their doors. We're still here! For this, we are thankful. And every day brings new promise and more opportunity. This past week, we have been able to reflect on what we are thankful for. I am thankful for my clients, my friends, our birth mothers, and the ability to do the amazing work I have been fortunate enough to fall into. It's not always easy and it can be highly emotionally charged, but more often than not, we see miracles in the making. I see God's hand in my work every day, without fail. I know that I am blessed by being able to help (in some small way) to build families. In fact, I want to wish Alec Braden Summa a happy birthday! Alec was born here in California on 11-26-08, at 8 lbs., 6 oz. Since he was born on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, he was released from the hospital on Friday, the day after. His birth mother promptly went home on Friday, and on Saturday - three days after giving birth - cooked a Thanksgiving Dinner for her family and the adoptive family of little Alec. What a gift she gave -- and she just kept on giving. That's really a shining example of what Thanksgiving is all about. She was giving thanks to the adoptive family and they were giving thanks to her -- all were thankful for the birth of little Alec. He couldn't be more loved. He couldn't be more wanted. Everyone is blessed. That's what I mean about seeing God's hand in our work. Thanks, God! We're all grateful for your most recent miracle.

Nebraska gets it right!

I blogged recently about the Nebraska legal debacle regarding the "safe haven" law that had been enacted there. Nebraska was one of the last states to actually enact a safe haven law and the author of the original bill included any minor children through the age of 18. This created untold problems when, even as recently as last Thursday, teenagers were routinely being dropped off at hospitals there. One distraught father (his wife had died) left nine children on the doorstep of a hospital. Another complication occurred because the state of Nebraska stops taking children into foster care when they turn 18, and the law didn't account for this. Some teens who were between the ages of 18 and 19 were left there and couldn't be put into foster care. That created quite a dilemma. As a result, the Nebraska legislature convened in a special session last Friday to correct the law that was creating so much controversy and leaving children in the lurch. Once again, the author of the original bill modified it too far in the other direction, indicating a 3 day (72 hour) time limit from the birth to drop off the child in a safe haven location (police station, fire house, or hospital).

This didn't make much sense to me. It takes a fair amount of pressure, strife, or financial distress to bring anyone to the point where they feel there are no options other than to abandon their children. That doesn't usually occur in the first 72 hours of the child's life. Typically, they are in the hospital for most of that time. By the time they go home with their mother and the family runs out of formula, diapers, patience, or resources, it's long past that 72 hour limit. So, while the new version of the law may have saved a very few precious lives of children presumably born at home, the overall purpose of the law was, again, being overlooked.

Hearing about the special session, I blogged about it, and took it a little further, e-mailing all of the Nebraska State legislators with my personal opinion about appropriate time frames. My suggestion was 0-6 months, enough time for new parents to be overwhelmed and in a position to make such a decision. I received a number of responses, ironically (or not), mostly from the women legislators, who were very sympathetic. One senator asked me to come and speak before the special session. While I would have done that gladly had it been convenient and time-efficient, I was unable to make a commitment to do that. However, I did make sure all involved knew what the spirit of the law should be and why the time frames proposed were, in essence, preposterous.

The legislators met last Friday and, while they didn't approve what I had suggested (0-6 months of age), they did get a little more reasonable in their time frame. The end result was a safe haven law that allows parents to safely surrender their newborns up to the age of 30 days. I am not really sure how the age of the child would be determined if the identity of the child is unknown, and I do feel that the time frame still doesn't cover the need, however, they are moving in the right direction now.

So, a big Thanksgiving Thank You to those folks in Nebraska who took the time to reconvene the legislature during their off time to fix something that was broken. We are all thankful when the life of a baby(any baby) is saved. It's no small miracle and I am hopeful that, indeed, some little ones will benefit from this new law.

Holiday Blues

With Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year's fast approaching, the inevitable holiday blues will set in. Everyone wants their baby home for the holidays. It's a special family time and a new baby makes it all the more special. For adoptive families who are waiting, it's a very difficult time to be joyous and spread good cheer. How do you get through it without curling up in a fetal position in your bed and feeling dismal? First of all, you can do whatever you feel you can do. You are exactly the person you feel you are. If you feel you are a positive, happy person, that's the person you are. If you feel dismal and depressed, that's the person you will be. So, you have to make up your mind to be positive and joyous, knowing that even if your baby is not home with you prior to this year's holiday season, you will successfully adopt and next year you will be celebrating even more than you thought possible. Of course it's normal to feel sad at a time when you want so badly to have a baby to shower with gifts and love. Isn't Christmas (or Hannukkah) more meaningful if you can do special things for someone? Make it a point this year to go out of your way to do something really nice for someone who otherwise might not be experiencing a nice holiday season (someone in a nursing home, hospital, or in physical rehab, a vet, or someone who is ill). They are easy to find. You will always feel good inside when you do things for people who truly appreciate it and feel left out. This is how you can overcome those holiday blues you have while waiting. I want to hear about what you chose to do and I want to feature the good deeds in my newsletter and on my blog. Turn a difficult time into a time of joy. The more you give, the more you receive. I will do my best to get all of you home with your baby as soon as possible. In the meantime, make it your New Year's resolution to spread the joy. A wise man once told me "God will never let you outdo him in generosity". I live by that belief and I know if you choose to do the same, God will bless you richly. Keep me posted on your progress.

National Adoption Month - Celebrate Adoption

As we continue with National Adoption Month, please remember the birth mothers who have chosen to give life and make a sacrifice. In years past, adoption wasn't what it is today. I have spoken with women who were forced to make the decision to part with their child and it haunts them still. I once met a woman who gave birth at home and had her child taken away (by her father) and never knew what became of that child. She was afraid and intimidated and never spoke of it. She grew up not knowing and thinking the worst. She even assumed that her father had killed her baby. She grew to hate her father. After her father died, her mother told her where her child was (in an adoptive home) and she was able to reunite with that child and express to her how much she loved and cared for her, despite the circumstances. Thankfully, adoption today is much more open and above-board. Giving birth out of wedlock is not uncommon and not considered shameful. Adoptees are able to know their history and heritage and, at some point, even get to know their birth parents and siblings. This was unheard of even 30 or 40 years ago.

Adoption is becoming more celebrated and talked about than any time in history. On December 23, CBS will be hosting a special called "Home for the Holidays with Faith Hill". It will feature such stars as Melissa Etheridge, Tim McGraw, Jamie Foxx, and Gavin Rossdale performing. There will be inspirational stories of adoption by Martin Short, Rene Russo, Patricia Heaton, and Kristin Chenoweth. Let your friends and family know about this heartwarming special and celebrate adoption. A special thanks to all of the birth mothers who make adoption possible. Many families are born because of the selfless decisions of those who opted not to take a life, but to give it.