Adoption Is Forever

Last week, Nancy Hanson of Tennessee put her 7 year old adopted son, Justin, onto a plane to Russia with no more than a note and a goodbye. Upon landing in Russia, he showed up unannounced at the Child Protection Ministry. This set off an international investigation that may leave in limbo many American families who are already in the process of adopting in Russia. Russia has suspended adoptions to Americans until a new treaty is put into place with the U.S. Ms. Hansen, a single woman, defends her actions contending that the child was violent and she was concerned about her family's safety. The agency that assisted with the placement reported that as recently as February, they had spoken to Ms. Hanson and she had not indicated any problems. Ms. Hanson stated "It wasn't that he was just energetic and wearing us down, it was the violent tendencies and he had to be watched all the time". In my opinion, all children of that age must be "watched all the time". If he had violent tendencies at age 7, this is something that generally can be corrected with therapy.

There are conflicting stories. Ms. Hanson claims that once he learned English, Justin talked about being abused and beaten at the orphanage. Russian officials state that he has told them he was abused by his American family. He stated he was yelled at and his hair pulled. Ms. Hanson felt that the "final incident" that convinced her that she should send Justin back was when she caught him starting a fire with papers in his bedroom. That is a concern, but what child won't play with matches or lighters if they get the chance? They have to be taught not to do those things and this boy never had a chance. I find it telling that he had access to anything that would start a fire or that he wasn't supervised to the point of having time and means to do such a thing. Instead of a learning experience, this became another lesson in abandonment.

The U.S. government is troubled and is doing everything they can to repair the relationship with Russia's Child Protection Ministry and to minimize the damage our citizens have sustained to their reputations. Russians are viewing Americans as monsters who would callously abandon children. Investigators will have to determine if Ms. Hanson committed a crime. In my view, she did. Child abandonment, child endangerment, and many other child welfare laws may have been broken. Beyond that, she has broken a child's heart. Ms. Hanson had many options, including therapy, asking for the intervention of a social worker from the agency, and ultimately could have asked the agency to disrupt the adoption and place him with another American family who had the time and means to deal with the issues he presented. It has been reported that she was trying, at the same time, to adopt another Russian child.

I believe there is more to this story and that there are likely more issues with the mother than with the child. Regardless of whether you give birth or adopt a child, you don't stick a note on their shirt and send them off on a plane alone to face the world. Abandonment is an ugly word and an even uglier concept. This woman obviously did not take her commitment to this child seriously. If our children have problems, we deal with them. If our children are sick, we take care of them. A child so young has so much potential and instead of working with him to make his life better, she sent him packing. I wonder what that child's concept of "family" really is. I wonder how much this incident has harmed him, beyond what has happened to him before. I do believe he needed to be out of that situation. It is obvious he wasn't loved. Today is his birthday. Happy 8th birthday, Justin. Some of us Americans are sorry for what you have had to endure.

A Christmas Heartbreak

It's happened again. In Santa Rosa County, Florida, along a wooded stretch of highway near Clear Creek Road and Highway 87, adjacent to a sign which says "no littering", a family walking their dog in the woods was shocked when their dog alerted them and they stumbled upon a newborn baby. The baby had been left out in the elements to die. It did. Police haven't even released the gender of the baby or any details, but even without knowing all of that, my heart is broken. No matter how I try to rationalize why someone would do this, I can't come up with any reasonable answer. There are safe haven laws. There are adoption agencies. There are hospitals and there are shelters. There are so many places where a newborn would stand a chance. There are so many people who would lovingly stretch out their arms, no questions asked, to receive the child. I have no doubt the infant's mother knew there were ways to keep her baby safe. It's impossible to grow up within our society and not know this. I have no doubt that the baby was left there intentionally with the thought that it would most certainly perish. I will always ask why.

It's Christmastime and in just a couple of days we will welcome a New Year -- a fresh start, with renewed hope. At least that's what most people will do. I wonder about the mother who left her child in the woods. I wonder about the family who obviously didn't embrace her pregnancy. I wonder how we could have prevented this tragedy. How do we educate those who would do this? There are so many loving homes waiting. This was a preventable death. This child didn't need to die cold and alone in the forest. There was a warm home and a clean bed waiting for this child. There were many. How is this possible? I'm not sure how to begin to forgive for such an atrocity. Please pray for the young woman at the heart of this heartbreak. She has sacrificed more than the life of her child -- she has sacrificed her soul. "Abandonment" is a word that should never be used in the same sentence as the word "Mother".

This is only one child. But who would this child be? Would this child grow to be a Pulitzer prize winning author, or perhaps a gifted musician, or a surgeon who pioneered a new procedure? Would this child have married and had children or been a holy man or a peacemaker? How did the death of this one baby impact the world? The ripples in the pond are endless. With one senseless act, our world has changed dramatically. We will never know how profoundly.

Safe-Haven Laws and the Nebraska Debacle

Recently, in an effort to make it easier for women who have experienced unplanned pregnancy to safely surrender a child, and perhaps reduce the number of abandoned babies left to die in dumpsters or on doorsteps, Nebraska passed a Safe-Haven law. 48 states and Puerto Rico have already adopted these Safe-Haven laws, an incentive for overwhelmed parents to leave their newborns at a hospital, police or fire station, or another designated safe place. Typically, the laws designate that an infant up to one month old may be surrendered this way without repercussions to the parents.

Nebraska lawmakers apparently didn't review the fine print in these existing laws before enacting their own "safe-haven" guidelines. The Nebraska law provided safe-haven for any child under the age of 19, rather than specifying infants. A total of 26 older children have been left at Nebraska hospitals since July. Obviously those Nebraska lawmakers are either too young or too old to have teens at home. Any of us who have shared a domicile with a 14-year-old would know better! I don't think I've met the parent of a teenager who hasn't thought (perhaps just for an instant) about abdicating their parental responsibilities a time or two. Teenagers can be a challenge. In Nebraska, this little oversight in the wording of the law has caused a fair amount of chaos as teen after teen is "dropped off" for safekeeping at hospitals. The very law that was intended to keep parents from abandoning their babies, is causing them to abandon their teens.

In one case, a man left nine of his children at a hospital in Omaha. The Department of Health and Human Services officials stated they wouldn't take any children older than age 17. That leaves some of those abandoned in limbo. Where should they go? The Nebraska Legislature has called a special session to tackle the issue on November 14, at which time a bill will be introduced establishing a 3-day-old age limit. When will they learn? Isn't that going from one extreme to another? At 3 days of age, an infant has likely just been discharged from the hospital. The parent(s) won't feel overwhelmed by caring for that infant for a few days or weeks. Why not establish a 6 month limitation? Throwing the baby out with the bath water is not the solution!

Particularly if you live in Nebraska, but even if you don't, if you feel that 72 hours is too short a period of time for a parent to feel overwhelmed and choose to surrender her child, please e-mail the author of bill LB 157 as soon as possible. Please urge 3-6 months at least as a reasonable cut-off time frame. Safe-Haven laws are absolutely necessary and will save lives, however, this one is threatening to defeat it's own purpose a second time. I have already written an e-mail to Senator Arnie Stuthman at 'astuthman@leg.ne.gov'. Please join me in letting him know that while his intentions are good, this time limit is not. It is, perhaps, wise to let the other legislators in Nebraska know this as well so that they can respond appropriately to this urgent issue. These babies deserve our help.

And by the way, inevitably obnoxious teenagers all started out as those adorable babies! Be careful what you wish for! There's a "no return" policy!