I am often questioned by adoptive families about naming the baby. While the birth mother is in the hospital, she will be asked to fill out the birth certificate form. She may put anything she wishes on the birth certificate. She may choose to name the baby herself. She may take the first name that the adoptive family has chosen and combine it with her last name. She may even put the entire name of the new baby including the adoptive family's last name on the original birth certificate. No matter what name she chooses, this should be her choice. When the adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents will have the opportunity to choose the name they wish to enter on their new birth certificate. There are many ways to approach the naming process. As long as it is approached with respect for the birth mother, there are no rules. Here are some of the ways that our adoptive families have utilized to include the birth mother in the decision making process;
1) One couple each (separately) chose the top ten names for the baby girl they were about to have. They also asked their birth mother to choose her top ten names. Ironically, there was only one name which appeared on all three lists and that became the baby's name.
2) Other adoptive families have asked the birth mother what she likes for a name. If they, too, like the name, they place that on the birth certificate. If it's not a favorite of theirs, they choose a first name and honor the birth mother by placing her choice as a middle name.
3) Some adoptive parents have given the baby (when it's a girl or the name can go for both genders) the name of the birth mother (or birth father) as a first or middle name.
4) Another adoptive family chose their top three names and had the birth mother do the same. They then had her draw names to find out what would be the first name.
Sometimes adoptive families, knowing they will not likely have a large family, want to name their new child after a family member. While this is understandable, some names don't sound all that desirable to a birth mother. Talk with her about her thoughts on names so that she isn't blind-sided or keep that name as a middle or second middle name. I have had a birth mother tell me, "I'm not placing my baby with someone who would give him a horrible name like that". So, keep in mind that names can be a sensitive topic and remember to consider whether keeping a particular name is worth losing the ability to adopt the baby over.
Naming the baby can be a fun process. Will you give the baby a traditional name or a unique name? Keep in mind that while celebrities can get away with giving babies names that are extremely rare and unique, it's harder on a child who doesn't have a famous parent to walk around with a name like "Apple" or "Moon Unit". Think, too, of the spelling of the name. While we all like uniqueness, if the spelling is so unique as to cause constant misspellings or mispronunciations of the name, do you really want your child to have to correct everyone who says or writes their name? Your child may be grateful for a simple, easy to spell name.
Every generation has popular names. We all know "Jennifers" and "Michaels" When you choose a popular name, it may be beneficial to choose a more unique middle name, so that they can be distinguished if there are multiple people with the same name on their soccer team or in their class.
Keep in mind how your last name sounds with the first name you have chosen. It wouldn't be easy for your child to deal with a name like "Kevin Levin" or "Charlie Farley". You don't want to set your child up to be teased at school. For instance, if your last name is Kerr, do you really want to give your child a name like Joe? I love the name "Kara". However, had I named my daughter, Kara (Tyra), it would have sounded like "Carrot Ira". Not good! So keep your last name in mind when you are choosing the name and say it a few times fast to see what it sounds like.
Initials are important too! You want to make sure that the initials of your child's very beautiful name don't spell out something that will bring them unwanted attention. "Sarah Ursula Kilpatrick" could be fodder for teasing when you spell out the initials!
What should you do if you can't agree on a name with the birth mother? Be respectful but also honest. Let her know that you are considering her wishes and will include some form of her choice of names on the birth certificate. You can always add a name or two to the formal name and call the child the name you have chosen. There are so many good choices for a name, it should never be a deal-breaker! When it doubt, ask friends and relatives for opinions and perhaps even a few people who don't have a vested interest in what you name your child. Everyone has opinions on names!
My favorite names this year? Cambria for a girl. Landon for a boy. Once I had someone tell me that if I could help them find twin girls, they would name them Tina and Tyra. I'm still looking for those twin girls!
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