What's in a Name?

All parents-to-be think about and sometimes obsess about baby names. The social security administration has tracked baby names for decades. Some of the most popular boy names -- Jacob, Ethan, and Michael -- or girl names -- Isabella, Emily, and Emma -- appear on the list time after time. There are some names which are becoming more popular as we speak, such as Mia, Chloe, Jayden, and Noah. There is also a trend by celebrities and others to pick original names -- names that very few others would have, such as Titan, Shiloh, Suri, Apple, Rumer, and Puma. Whether popular or unusual, a child will have to live with the name chosen for them for the rest of their lives -- or at least until they are old enough to change it. A study from the University of Oldenburg (and previous other studies) revealed that from the moment they read a school register, teachers have a pre-conceived notion about the child and unfair prejudices result. And it's not just teachers that have those prejudices. Traditional names are consistently linked to strong performance and good behavior. Non-traditional names are linked to poor performance and bad behavior. It's conceivable that if two children are talking or disrupting the class, the one who has the non-traditional name will be the one accused of causing the problem, regardless of which actually did.

In Germany, the name "Kevin" has a negative connotation. One study participant stated that "Kevin is not a name -- it's a diagnosis". This is how deep the prejudices against certain names run. In another study, children of equal intelligence were taught by the same teachers over a several year period. The performance of African American children with unusual names declined, while the others achieved. If teachers do not believe in the potential of students and give up on them, then their performances will decline. Such prejudices can have a drastic impact on the life and future of a child.

What then, do you think would happen if someone named their child "Lucifer" or "Damien"? What about "Chastity, Satana, or Madonna" for a girl? Unusual and difficult to spell names, specifically African names like Chiamaka, Narkeasha, Jevonte, or blended names like Kenesha, Marquesha, or Jamanda might all be names that would influence others in terms of their opinion of that child. Stereotypes are never good, but we know people tend to stereotype and unusual names could lend to that.

In one study, women with desirable names were considered more physically attractive. In another study, a group of teachers and teachers assistants were asked to grade a number of tests and essays. Unknown to the assessors, they were each marking the same essay under different names. The unconventional names scored much lower across the boards. There is evidence to suggest that children with "made up names" don't do as well at school and don't have as much success. If it is assumed (incorrectly, of course) that a child with an unusual or misspelled name comes from a family that is uneducated, that child may be discriminated against and it may be assumed that the intelligence of that child is lower than that of his or her peers.

When considering names, consider the consequences. You don't have to choose the most popular baby names, but check them out and make sure that they aren't so unusual or difficult to spell that a child will have to defend their name or spell it for everyone from teachers to team captains. The image a name brings forth is important for the success of that child.

Apply a few rules to naming a child; 1) Don't tell people about the name you are considering for your child. Everyone will have an opinion, 2) Choose a name for success, rather than a name for your own edification, 3) Have a few names you like, but wait until you meet the baby before you choose a name.

You can't personally educate everyone in the world about what your special name means. Choose something that automatically has good associations. This will benefit your child.

What's In A Name?

I am often questioned by adoptive families about naming the baby. While the birth mother is in the hospital, she will be asked to fill out the birth certificate form. She may put anything she wishes on the birth certificate. She may choose to name the baby herself. She may take the first name that the adoptive family has chosen and combine it with her last name. She may even put the entire name of the new baby including the adoptive family's last name on the original birth certificate. No matter what name she chooses, this should be her choice. When the adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents will have the opportunity to choose the name they wish to enter on their new birth certificate. There are many ways to approach the naming process. As long as it is approached with respect for the birth mother, there are no rules. Here are some of the ways that our adoptive families have utilized to include the birth mother in the decision making process;

1) One couple each (separately) chose the top ten names for the baby girl they were about to have. They also asked their birth mother to choose her top ten names. Ironically, there was only one name which appeared on all three lists and that became the baby's name.

2) Other adoptive families have asked the birth mother what she likes for a name. If they, too, like the name, they place that on the birth certificate. If it's not a favorite of theirs, they choose a first name and honor the birth mother by placing her choice as a middle name.

3) Some adoptive parents have given the baby (when it's a girl or the name can go for both genders) the name of the birth mother (or birth father) as a first or middle name.

4) Another adoptive family chose their top three names and had the birth mother do the same. They then had her draw names to find out what would be the first name.

Sometimes adoptive families, knowing they will not likely have a large family, want to name their new child after a family member. While this is understandable, some names don't sound all that desirable to a birth mother. Talk with her about her thoughts on names so that she isn't blind-sided or keep that name as a middle or second middle name. I have had a birth mother tell me, "I'm not placing my baby with someone who would give him a horrible name like that". So, keep in mind that names can be a sensitive topic and remember to consider whether keeping a particular name is worth losing the ability to adopt the baby over.

Naming the baby can be a fun process. Will you give the baby a traditional name or a unique name? Keep in mind that while celebrities can get away with giving babies names that are extremely rare and unique, it's harder on a child who doesn't have a famous parent to walk around with a name like "Apple" or "Moon Unit". Think, too, of the spelling of the name. While we all like uniqueness, if the spelling is so unique as to cause constant misspellings or mispronunciations of the name, do you really want your child to have to correct everyone who says or writes their name? Your child may be grateful for a simple, easy to spell name.

Every generation has popular names. We all know "Jennifers" and "Michaels" When you choose a popular name, it may be beneficial to choose a more unique middle name, so that they can be distinguished if there are multiple people with the same name on their soccer team or in their class.

Keep in mind how your last name sounds with the first name you have chosen. It wouldn't be easy for your child to deal with a name like "Kevin Levin" or "Charlie Farley". You don't want to set your child up to be teased at school. For instance, if your last name is Kerr, do you really want to give your child a name like Joe? I love the name "Kara". However, had I named my daughter, Kara (Tyra), it would have sounded like "Carrot Ira". Not good! So keep your last name in mind when you are choosing the name and say it a few times fast to see what it sounds like.

Initials are important too! You want to make sure that the initials of your child's very beautiful name don't spell out something that will bring them unwanted attention. "Sarah Ursula Kilpatrick" could be fodder for teasing when you spell out the initials!

What should you do if you can't agree on a name with the birth mother? Be respectful but also honest. Let her know that you are considering her wishes and will include some form of her choice of names on the birth certificate. You can always add a name or two to the formal name and call the child the name you have chosen. There are so many good choices for a name, it should never be a deal-breaker! When it doubt, ask friends and relatives for opinions and perhaps even a few people who don't have a vested interest in what you name your child. Everyone has opinions on names!

My favorite names this year? Cambria for a girl. Landon for a boy. Once I had someone tell me that if I could help them find twin girls, they would name them Tina and Tyra. I'm still looking for those twin girls!