Happy 4th of July

4th of July has always been a little bittersweet to me. As a child, I loved the fireworks and hated the effect they had on the animals. As an animal lover, I was worried about my pets and those of others when they got scared and panicked at the sound of fireworks and explosions on the 4th. I was raised in Oklahoma, where "safe and sane" (how sane?) fireworks were all the rage. I learned young that more animals are lost during that time than most other times of the year. As an adult, I celebrated the 4th for my children. Both of my parents passed (24 and 22 years ago)just before 4th of July. They were laid to rest on July 3 (my Mom) and July 5 (my Dad). My Dad passed away of cancer on July 1, just 11 days before my brother's wedding. It was a joyous day couched in sadness.

My Dad was a cool guy. He was all that a Dad should be. He was a great story teller -- one of those rare few who could command the attention of even fidgity little ones for long periods of time as he described in flowery detail his childhood in the Depression and World War II battles in Okinawa and Guadalcanal, where he was shot and wounded, only to go back into battle and be shot again. He saw many of his buddies die as they landed on the beach to take the island of Okinawa from the Japanese. He saw enough death to truly respect life. He survived all that. He was a Marine. He was a tough guy, and fair. He liked justice. He also liked babies and animals. He loved holding babies. He didn't care whose baby it was -- babies made him smile. Whether a genetic trait or acquired, I guess I got that from him. He called every baby he came in contact with "Squeaky". He'd see one passing in a stroller and say, "Hi Squeaky!". Kids loved him too. They gravitated towards him like magnets. He was easy to talk to, non-judgmental and, as a teenager, even when I didn't think he was cool, all of my friends did. When a cousin ran away from home, and didn't seem to trust any adults, she called him to come get her. He worked at a large market and more than once brought home kids who were scavenging for discarded and expired food in the dumpsters behind the store. We didn't have much, but our door was always open to kids who needed help. I remember one named Celeste. He brought her home a few times. She sought to escape from a violent home life and would come to us with black eyes and bruised ribs, hungry and tired. One time she slept for almost three days. She never asked for anything, but accepted help when she needed it and then went on her way. I heard years later that my Dad had gone to her house and told her father that if he ever did that again, he'd beat him so badly that no one would recognize him -- and he meant it.

My Dad enjoyed bowling and introduced my brother and I to that sport and we enjoyed it too (so much that my brother was able to go pro later on). We'd spend hours bowling or score keeping (back in the day when a kid could earn a few bucks doing that). One of our friends from the bowling alley came in one day and said he'd been kicked out of his home. He was a good student and had a friend who would let him stay at his home, but had no transportation. He asked my Dad to co-sign on a motorcycle. I heard my Dad say to him, "I will co-sign for you, but if you miss one payment or can't show me good grades and an insurance card, I will take the bike." Firm but fair. Ron told me later on how much that meant to him.

When my Dad died and we had the funeral, it was a small sort of intimate group, perhaps only about 60 people in attendance. But every one of them had a story. One girl came up to me and said, "I couldn't have gone to school if it weren't for your Dad. He paid for my books." I knew my Dad was a good guy, but the fact that other people knew it too was very heartwarming. He was not a wealthy man, but whatever he had he always shared. He was just my Dad. He died July 1, 1986. So the 4th of July is a little bittersweet. I miss him, but he gets to see all the fireworks from Heaven. Happy 4th of July.

Adoption Book Review - The Best For You

Often times I am asked by adoptive parents how they should tell their child they were adopted. Rather than having a specific moment or an event that ends up being "that moment" when they found out they were adopted, I tell them to read books, tell the adoption story, look at pictures and always talk about it when they are little. Always, the conversation should be age-appropriate. Answer any questions they have in the most honest and positive way you can. That way, when they get older and someone asks, "When did you find out you were adopted?", the response is generally, "I always knew".

The bigger question becomes, "Why?". I recently came across a book that was written by a birth mother from that perspective, so a child can understand why they were placed for adoption. It's a good book to use to introduce the topic. It is called "The Best For You" and was written and illustrated by Kelsey Stewart, who has placed two children and is the parent of two more. In it, she explains that "Adoption is God's love given twice". This book is written for small children and lets them know that adoption is all about love. The book ends with the line "Adoption means I wanted the best for you". It's a positive look at adoption that a child can understand.

If you have an adopted child and want a good bedtime story or positive reinforcement for adoption, you should have a copy of this book on your bookshelf. You may order it on Amazon on this site.

How Green Can You Get?

Like everyone else these days, I'm leaning towards green energy and keeping our planet more balanced. With that in mind, I received a unique gift. I love babies. Everyone knows that. And babies make poop. So, I guess it was a no-brainer when my fiance found a gift that tied it all together. Poopoopaper. Yes, you read it right. I was all excited when I opened the mystery box that arrived in the mail. What could it be? Inside, there was a box with sheets of note paper -- all made from 100% recycled elephant dung. Imagine my delight!

After I stopped being grossed out and before I started laughing about it, I read the insert. It turns out that it's not a bad idea. Elephants are facing the destruction of their natural habitats and, with their size, they need a lot of habitat. They eat mostly plant fiber at the rate of up to 600 lbs. per day. That creates about 220 lbs. of dung per day per elephant. That's a lot of poo poo. So, what to do with all the poop? Someone with a great imagination figured out that since about 60% of what an elephant eats in a day is not digested but rather just comes out in it's original form, that volume of plant fiber could be washed and boiled (thank you) and pressed and made into paper! I'm trying not to think about the process, particularly in it's early stages of development.

The funds generated from the poopoopaper are used for the upkeep of elephants and conservation projects relating to habitat. So, I guess it's not only helping the planet to recycle all of this plant waste, but it's also helping the elephants to live and thrive. That fits in with the green theme for sure. I want to support that. In fact, recycling plant fiber by harvesting poo poo is about as green as you get.

If you're interested in seeing what products poopoopaper has to offer or you just want a unique gift for someone you feel ambivalent about (I didn't say that), just go to their website at www.poopoopaper.com. Next time someone says they're "going green", you can teach them a thing or two. Thanks, Honey, for the lovely gift.

Adoption Issues - Do Celebrities Receive Preferential Treatment?

Often times, I hear comments about how "easy" it is for celebrities to adopt. I think because we don't hear anything in the media until a baby goes home, people assume that it happened quickly. Celebrity or "high profile" adoptions as we call them, come with their own difficulties and challenges. Recently, Sandra Bullock commented that she had waited four years to adopt new son Louis. While people may find that hard to believe, it's true. Not only do high profile families have to do the same as other adoptive families (home studies, fingerprinting, etc), they are actually a little tougher to match. Given that these days most birth mothers want to know where their baby is going and want to choose the family, this presents a problem with celebrities. If they do know who they are working with, then it's possible that word will get out and the paparazzi will show up. Many times it's much harder and takes longer to match someone who may have that happen. What birth mom wants the press chasing her around? I worked with one high profile couple who found out the hard way that a social worker had leaked information to the press, presumably for a payment. The adoptive father was unable to attend the birth because reporters were camped outside the hospital waiting for him. So, it's not as easy as it may appear for high profile adoptive parents. Sheryl Crow has recently adopted a second child. She stated that it kept falling apart and that the birth mom kept changing her mind. Not so different from any adoption situation in which the birth mother is struggling with her decision. So it happens to celebrities too. Adoptive families are more alike than different regardless of who they are and what they do for a living. The same goals and desires are present. So don't believe everything you read. Celebrities are not given any special treatment or put at the top of some list. In fact, they have fewer choices than most because of their status and popularity.

A Sad Day

Today is just a sad day. Everywhere I look there is news that is just...sad.

The situation in the Gulf is making me feel sick. Our beautiful pelicans, sea turtles, birds, fish, and wildlife are all coated with oil and many are dying. The oil isn't just on the surface. It is throughout the entire mile high water column. Everything that comes in contact with it is endangered. Fish can't breathe as it gets in their gills. Birds can't fly. Turtles are washing up on the beaches. Where is our government? I guess I put too much faith in those who have the power to do something. I understand the desire to drill for oil. I just don't understand why it is allowed a mile under the ocean where it can't be repaired to stopped in a crisis such as this. On land, this would have been capped quickly. It is polluting the Gulf, killing the animals, destroying white sand beaches. Those responsible say it may take another two months before the leak is stopped. It has been six weeks and 30% of the gulf is not safe for fishing at this point. How can they allow it to go on for so long? Our President has said that BP, British Petroleum,will have to pay for the entire clean up, so why not call in every expert available to get the problem solved and then bill it back to British Petroleum? BP is taking heat for the billions in dividends they were planning to pay their stock holders. Of course, they were going to do this without consideration for how much money they would need on hand to pay for the clean up. All the while, our President, our Congress, and even the States along the Gulf, seem to be sitting back and allowing the company who caused the problem sit around trying to figure out how to fix it.

Further South, Joran van der Sloot, the Dutch man who was suspected in the disappearance of Natalie Holloway five years ago, has been taken into custody after fleeing Peru. Exactly five years to the day after Natalie went missing without a trace in Aruba, A young Peruvian woman was killed and found in van der Sloot's hotel room. Her neck had been snapped and she had been beaten. She died on the floor and was left there, presumably by van der Sloot. Witnesses saw her enter the room with him, but she never left. I'm not sure what kind of a defense you can have after two young women mysteriously turn up dead, but it's obvious that this is young man has issues. Like O.J., he may have a good legal team, but everyone knows who did it.

Speaking of our government, a government survey released by the CDC yesterday indicated that a growing number of teen girls are using the "rhythm" method to avoid pregnancy. Since most teens (64% of boys and 70% of girls) think it's okay for an unmarried female to have a baby, it's a risk they seem to be willing to take. The teen pregnancy rate, is no longer dropping as it was in years past. 17% of teen girls are saying that they use the rhythm method of birth control. The study showed that 42% of never-married teens had had sex. Since that includes young teens, we can safely assume that most teens over the age of 15 are having sex. My high school health teacher had a saying that I still remember;

QUESTION: "What do you call a teen who uses the rhythm method?"
ANSWER: "A parent".

We're doing a placement with two small children this week. Birth mom is a 23 year old young woman who has given birth to five children. She stated to me that "I had five kids before I knew what what happening". Now, with no father in sight and no help from family and no job because she can't afford day care care for five children, she is having to make this difficult decision. She has already given up her youngest, now a 1 year old. The 2 year old and 3 year old will be placed with an adoptive family next week. She is going to parent the first two, ages 5 and 4. How do you explain to children that age what happened, why, and where their siblings are? It's a difficult and sad situation for everyone. I don't think the rhythm method is working and expecting teens to be abstinent in such a sexually-charged society seems naive. Beyond birth control, young people are taking risks with their health. A pregnancy ends in 40 weeks. Some STD's are forever. We can't presume that they get it. If you have teens, you should probably have "the talk" ...weekly.