These days, many children of color are adopted by Caucasian parents. The fact is, there just aren't enough black families out there to adopt the infants that are available for adoption -- a reversal of the situation for white infants. While every effort is made to place children in homes of the same race, sometimes that's just not possible. Rather than allowing these children to languish in foster care or encourage abortion among minorities, there are loving families who choose to adopt trans-racially. Regardless of parents, every child should have a healthy sense of identity -- of who they are, both as a person and as a part of a larger society. As parents, we can give them security, love, and a sense of who they are morally. If we are of a different race, giving them a sense of their racial identities, their culture, and their history is a bigger challenge.
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to meet comedian Tommy Davidson. He had been invited to participate in a Donnie & Marie Show about adoption that featured a couple of our adoptive families. Tommy told a wonderful story of growing up within a white family in what he called "the blackest city in America", Washington, D.C. He recalled that the children at his school were biased against whites and taunted his siblings. He came home from school one day distraught about his siblings being called "cracker", to find out that he was adopted. Now that sounds pretty funny, and it was the way he told the story, but it was his reality. He grew up in a family of privilege and obviously had every opportunity to thrive and prosper as he did. However, that didn't mask the fact that he felt abandoned by his own black community and by his African-American mother.
In our not to distant past, trans-racial adoptions simply weren't allowed. As they evolved, adoptive parents wanted to believe that "love conquers all" and that culture wasn't as important as a loving home for a child. The fact is that it's much more complex than that. Culture and racial awareness are deeply embedded issues in trans-racial or multi-cultural adoption. Bi-racial children may have an even harder time adapting culturally because they are torn between two worlds and are exposed to one more than the other. They need to belong to both races, while neither totally accepts them.
It's important for families with children of multiple races or a race other than their own to expose the children to art, books, toys, and music that are directly related to their own culture. Monica, one of our adoption coordinators, and her husband have adopted trans-racially. Their two children are full Hispanic and they are Caucasian. One of the things they have done to expose their sons to their Hispanic roots is to take them to a church where most of the congregation is Hispanic and there is a Spanish service. Exposing them to bi-lingual people of their own heritage enables them to blend and connect with others like themselves. This is invaluable for a sense of self-awareness, which translates to self-esteem. The boys are being taught to embrace their culture and who they are.
As much as we would like to see ourselves as "color blind", there really is no such thing. To pretend that there are no color divides is to deny entire cultures. It's better to accept our differences than to ignore them and pretend they aren't there. Children who have been exposed to their own cultures and traditions, intertwined with traditions of their adoptive families and others, are much more able to navigate their ever-changing world. Racial education and awareness is what will eventually lead to true tolerance in our society. Instead of teaching that diversity divides us, we should be teaching that diversity should be embraced. Perhaps our children will teach us.
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