Often times potential adoptive parents assume that their birth mother will be a teen mom. They are surprised to learn that our average birth mom is 29 and already has two children. The teen pregnancy rate has risen since 2006 in the U.S. (in comparison to Canada, where teen pregnancy has dropped 38% since 1994). Shows on television and movies tend to glamorize teen pregnancy and in recent years there has been very little, if any, social pressure on teens to avoid pregnancy. The pregnancy of Jamie Lynn Spears of "Zoey 101" and the movie "Juno", as well as other popular celebrities have desensitized us to the down side of having a baby while still so young. Our new social norm is acceptance of teen pregnancy. In 2006, 441,832 babies were born to teen moms in the U.S. That is a staggering number. The fact is, most teen moms don't place their babies for adoption, they parent. MTV has chronicled teen pregnancy in a number of shows, including "16 and Pregnant". Their most recent reality show which showcases teens who are parents is entitled "Teen Mom". Some of the teens featured have expressed a desire to show other teens how difficult parenting is as a single teen. Typically, even those who have partners end up parenting alone after the stressors and demands of parenting cause the partners to fight and part ways. Statistics show that most teen relationships don't last, despite the intense feelings and passion.
While the teen pregnancy rate has gone up, so has the incidence of abortions. The adoption rate has gone down during the same period of time. Rather than interrupting their own teen years and their education with the responsibilities of parenthood and adult decisions, we should be promoting education to prevent pregnancy and, if it happens, adoption as an acceptable means to take responsibility for what has occurred. I would love to see adoption profiled on television, and normalized to the extent that teen pregnancy has been. While it's not good for any teen to have to experience childbirth and everything that goes with it, adoption can be a win-win-win situation, with the birth parents moving forward to their own goals, childless or infertile couples being given the opportunity to have a family, and most of all, the baby landing safely in a stable, secure place where all of their needs are met, without resentment and disrupted schedules, and with the love and devotion of, ideally, two parents who are ready to meet the day to day demands of a newborn. I am a single parent, and I am not saying that single parents can't parent well. They most definitely can. But even for those of us who do it, it's not ideal. So, we shouldn't, as a society, glamorize teen pregnancy. It's not easy and it's not fair to teen moms. I've heard parents of pregnant teens say things like "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it"...meaning that somehow going it alone is the punishment for getting pregnant in the first place. Parenting should not be a punishment. It is the hardest thing anyone will ever do, and to put that responsibility on a teen girl is asking way too much, even if she thinks it's what she wants. We need to teach our teens how to act responsibly and how to protect themselves and their education from going down a path that will be hard on them and their children. No decisions should be forced on anyone, but all options should be explored and offered. Let's not glamorize pregnancy and childbirth for children.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Go Ahead - Ask Santa
Some of you may be old enough to remember the Art Linkletter Show back in the 60's. Okay, so that definitely dates me, but one of the funniest portions of the show was always the segment entitled "Kids say the darnedest things". Children would be asked leading questions and, inevitably, would say something no one expected. I was reminded of that show when my friend, Amy, spoke with me today. Her son, Micheal, who is two, made his first "real" visit to Santa. Anxious to tell Santa exactly what he wanted, Michael climbed eagerly up on Santa's lap. A more cherubic baby you'll never see -- Michael has a head full of beautiful brown curls and pink rosy cheeks. He's a happy boy who is constantly smiling and on the go. When asked by Santa what he wanted, he looked to his mother. Amy whispered, "Tell Santa that you want a truck" and as an afterthought she said, "And peace on earth". Michael looked up and said, "I want a truck -- and pizza on earth!". Needless to say, Santa got quite a kick out of that. Amy laughed as she told me and then we thought about it. Pizza on earth...he might be onto something there. If everyone had pizza, there might just be peace. Kids say the darnedest things.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Pearl Harbor & The Christmas Spirit
Today is December 7th - Pearl Harbor Day. I was lucky enough to be able to go to Pearl Harbor some 25 years ago and I toured the Memorial on the USS Arizona, along with the Harbor. It was a very somber visit and I will always remember it. It seems a little surreal to stand just over the sunken battleship and look out over the water to the break in the hills where the Japanese bombers flew in without warning. I brought my father home a flag that had been flown for a day over the memorial. He enlisted, like many young men of that time, because of what happened at Pearl. He and his three brothers each chose a different branch of the service and they went together to enlist in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. My Dad was the Marine (Semper Fi, Dad). Because today is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor and because it's nearly Christmas, I think this poem is a poignant reminder and remembrance of who protects us while we live our lives. I don't know the author of this poem and would love to give them credit, so if you know, please share.
A Different Christmas Poem
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My child beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps, I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled there in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, It's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve.
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.
It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
"My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures...He's sure got her smile."
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue -- an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother,
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "Harbor no fright.
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money?," I asked, "Or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
In his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."
Many communities have programs that enable families to "adopt" a soldier during the holidays, so they have a place to hang out and have Christmas dinner. If you live near a military base, inquire to find out about those programs. Otherwise, think about sending a care package through a reputable charity to our servicemen and women overseas for the holidays so that they know that they do matter to us.
A Different Christmas Poem
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My child beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps, I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled there in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, It's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve.
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.
It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
"My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures...He's sure got her smile."
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue -- an American flag.
"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother,
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "Harbor no fright.
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money?," I asked, "Or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
In his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."
Many communities have programs that enable families to "adopt" a soldier during the holidays, so they have a place to hang out and have Christmas dinner. If you live near a military base, inquire to find out about those programs. Otherwise, think about sending a care package through a reputable charity to our servicemen and women overseas for the holidays so that they know that they do matter to us.
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