Bonding and Adoption

I am often asked by soon-to-be first time adoptive parents, "How do we know if we'll be able to bond with our new baby?". I smile at that because I have yet to meet the parents, adoptive or biological, who didn't fall hopelessly in love with their newborn. It's quite a sight to see those tough guy dads going to mush over their new little one. However, they pose a good question. I wouldn't worry too much about whether you'll bond -- you will. But you can do things that will enable you to feel closer to baby and, thus, build a strong bond in a short period of time.

Touch is very important when bonding. There are plenty of ways you can facilitate touch. First, keep in mind that your baby won't break. Some new parents are afraid to move baby's arms and legs around. Remember that your baby was a pretzel just a few days earlier in the womb and is very flexible. It's important to support the neck and head, but you can move and bend arms and legs. A baby is designed to feed at the breast. So, at night when you are feeding your child, get some skin to skin contact by taking off your shirt and letting baby rest against your skin while you feed the bottle. This will soothe your baby and enable him or her to hear your heart, a familiar sound. After you bathe your baby, take a little time and massage your baby with baby lotion. That will relax the baby and he or she will take comfort in your touch. Snuggle time is important, so take the time to lie down with baby and just enjoy the time together.

Another bonding tip is eye contact. Your baby will soon follow you with his or her eyes and when you make eye contact, you'll find that your child is able to recognize you and will soon smile and follow you with his or her eyes when you move about the room.

Sing to your baby and talk softly. This will get them used to your voice and before you know it, they will recognize your voice and turn their head your way, even if several people are speaking. Even changing diapers and comforting a sick baby can be a bonding experience. There is a need and you are there to meet it. I have a theory. Once your baby has spit up on you, peed on you, and pooped on you, you have exchanged enough DNA to be related :).