It's been a while since I blogged. I guess between the holidays, end of year, and the new year, I have been more busy than ever. I'm going to get back into the swing of things.
Years ago, adoption was a dirty word. You only said it in a whisper when you were talking about someone who had gotten pregnant out of wedlock. It was a shameful thing because it meant someone was in trouble. Girls who got pregnant were sent off to maternity homes or an aunt or grandma half way across the country -- the further the better. When they came back six months later, everyone pretended that they believed whatever story was concocted to cover it up. Women placing their babies had horrible experiences, many times not even being allowed to see the baby they had just given birth to. Some were never even told the gender. The baby was taken away -- spirited from the room, nurses and doctors talking in hushed tones.
In the nursery, instead of putting a last name on the card, it would say Baby Girl BUFA or Baby Boy BUFA, meaning "baby up for adoption". I cringe at the fact that this is still used today in some hospitals. It seems ignorant to me. There are no illegitimate babies. They are all legitimate. They didn't get to determine the circumstances under which they were born and they are born without fault.
Years ago, I attended an American Adoption Congress meeting in Nashville and attended lectures given by various adoption professionals and adoptees. I will never forget some of the stories told there. I was moved by one woman who, without her consent, had her child taken from her as soon as she gave birth. It was involuntary, but her father insisted, and she was a minor and so it was done. She was never allowed to grieve, never allowed to talk about the baby or make reference to her. I remember her saying "My father took my child away from me then, but he couldn't keep her away from me forever"....she managed to find her after 40 years. She thought about that child every day, and she never forgave her father.
This all came back to me as I listened today as Oprah described how she recently found out something she had never known. Her mother gave up a baby for adoption secretly. As was the case at the time, she told no one and Oprah, living with her father, never knew she had another sister. She was divorced and couldn't afford another child, and so this was the choice she made. Oprah has clearly been stunned by the revelation. You can imagine how she must feel deceived by her mother. Her younger sister is named Patricia, the same name as another sister who has since died. Patricia was able to piece together information that eventually lead her to believe that she had the same mother as Oprah. It turned out to be true. She tried for a while to get into contact and finally spoke with Oprah's aunt. After DNA testing, she knew she was Oprah's half-sister.
Everyone should know where they came from. Everyone deserves that. That's why open adoption is so much more healthy than the closed adoptions of the past. Adoption needs to come out of the closet. It's not shameful and it's not something to be hidden. Virtually all of us have been touched by adoption. I'm happy that Patricia was able to find her birth family and happy that Oprah has been able to connect with the sister who she never knew about. Congratulations to all of them.
